We'll Get Through it Together
by theoofoof
Summary: When Ruth faces a major challenge in her life, Harry offers her his support and their friendship begins to blossom into something more. H/R. Set after 5.4 but as if 5.5 didn't happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **We'll Get Through it Together  
><strong>Fandom: <strong>Spooks  
><strong>CharactersPairings: **Harry/Ruth  
><strong>Rating: <strong>15/T **  
>Warnings:<strong> None

**Summary:** When Ruth faces a major challenge in her life, Harry offers her his support and their friendship begins to blossom into something more. H/R. Set somewhere after 5.4.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Spooks or any of the characters you may recognise. They all belong to Kudos/BBC.

**A/N:** I was reluctant to write this as I know that it is definitely something that would never have happened on the show, but the idea would not leave me alone until it was down on paper. In the end I decided what the heck, that's what fanfiction is for, right?

So all you really need to know is that in this story Cotterdam and the related events of 5.5 never happened, but Harry has already been knighted. Everything else will be explained on the way.

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><p><strong>Chapter<strong>

_Friday 1st December 2006_

He paces the corridor for what must be the hundredth time in ten minutes. Where the hell was that doctor? A check of his watch told him it had been almost an hour since they'd rushed Ruth off and instructed him to stay here. He'd flicked through every magazine on the table, but he hadn't taken anything in. Not that he cared much about the latest goings on in the celebrity world; he'd simply been looking for a distraction. It hadn't worked. His mind was working overtime worrying about Ruth. The plastic chairs hadn't helped him settle either; not the most comfortable of seats.

He had been sat in his office when it happened; on the phone with the Director General.

_***flashback***_

_The old fool had been wittering on about something to do with a state dinner that he wanted Harry to attend, but Harry hadn't been listening. He didn't do state dinners; standing around making idle chit-chat with a bunch of toffee-nosed politicians was not his thing; not his thing at all. As soon as the DG had started on about it, Harry took the opportunity for a quick covert sweep of the Grid. Everything seemed to be running normally, well as normally as it could for their department. Ros was talking animatedly to someone on the phone, Malcolm was typing away profusely, and Adam, Jo and Zaf were planning the next stage of their current operation, but it was on Ruth's desk that his gaze faltered; she didn't look well. She hadn't all morning; she'd been pale when she arrived…late. Ruth Evershed was never late, well except on her first day. Harry had watched as she grew paler and paler by the hour and had had enough. In fact, he had been about to go over to her and suggest no, insist that she go home when the DG's call had come through. _

_He watched as she pulled something from the printer and stood up shakily, gripping her desk to steady herself. It was only for a couple of seconds, but he noticed and it was enough reason for him not to take his eyes off her as she walked towards his office. When it happened, he'd seen it all in slow motion. The piece of paper she was carrying had slipped from her fingers and her eyes fluttered closed. He was on his feet and at his door, with no regard for the DG on the other end of the phone, seconds before she collapsed but couldn't reach her in time. He'd heard her head hit the floor with a sickening crack and he was at her side seconds later. The rest of the team following closely behind._

_"Ruth!" he'd cried, kneeling down at her side, shaking her shoulder slightly. No response. "Ruth!" _

_"I'll get the duty doctor," Malcolm had asserted._

_"You'll have a job; he's on a course," Adam had pointed out. _

_"I'll call an ambulance instead then."_

_ Harry shook Ruth's shoulder again, trying his best to ignore the blood seeping from her head wound. _

_"Mmmm," she'd murmured quietly, her eyes blinking open. She'd tried to sit up, conscious of all the eyes on her, but Harry held her there._

_"Stay still," he'd whispered. "You need to go to the hospital."_

_"I'll be fine," she'd protested. _

_"If the fact that you've just collapsed outside my office wasn't enough, that head wound is. It needs stitches."_

_"Ambulance will be here in 10 minutes," Malcolm had called from his desk._

_"No," Ruth had croaked as she pushed Harry's hand away and sat up. "No ambulance." Harry began to argue but Ruth silenced him with a wave of her hand. "I'll go...to hospital...but no...ambulance." Harry had made a decision in that moment. _

_"Right. I'll take you." Ruth had been about to protest again, but Harry's mind was made up. "It's either me or the ambulance." Ruth sighed, resigned. "Malcolm, cancel that ambulance. Zaf, get my driver to meet us downstairs. Adam, the DG probably isn't too happy about me leaving him hanging on the phone. Could you…?"_

_"Leave it with me," Adam had assured, rushing off to placate the Director General. _

_Harry's driver had them at the hospital within 15 minutes, breaking several traffic laws to do so, on his instruction. Ruth had been shaking all the way there and nearly keeled over again when they exited the car outside the hospital's entrance. Thankfully, the Accident and Emergency Department was quiet at that time of day; no drunken idiots clogging up the system. The triage nurse had taken one look at Ruth and had ushered her straight into a cubicle. Harry had tried to follow but had been told in no uncertain terms to remain where he was. He'd watched them wheel her away, his heart breaking with worry. Wanting nothing more than to tell her that he…_

"Mr Pearce..." a voice breaks him from his reverie; it's the nurse from earlier.

"_Sir_ Harry, actually," he corrects. He doesn't normally like to flaunt his knighthood, but there are occasions, such as this, that it serves a purpose. The nurse looks a little taken aback; probably worrying about her brusque manner with him earlier.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry. Er...Miss Evershed...she's asking to see you."

"How is she?" Harry asks, concern in his voice.

"She's doing well."

"Do you know what caused her to collapse?"

"I'm afraid I can't disclose that information. Patient confidentiality. It's best you speak to Miss Evershed. If you'd like to follow me." The nurse leads him through a set of double doors to the first cubicle on the left. "We'll be admitting her for observation. Just for a couple of days."

"Are you worried this may happen again?"

"It's just routine, Mr-, I mean _Sir_ Harry. Don't worry," she assures, opening the curtain.

"I am here you know," Ruth chides with a small smile which Harry returns apologetically.

"Sorry."

"I'll leave you two alone," the nurse says, backing quietly out of the cubicle. Harry doesn't hear her, his attention is completely focused on Ruth. Quickly assessing the situation he can see that she's been crying; her eyes are puffy and there are faint black streaks on her face where her mascara has run. He wonders what the doctors have told her is wrong. If it's serious?

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Better. The drip is helping." She lifts her left hand, indicating the cannula.

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. I remember I was on my way to your office and I was feeling queasy, I had been for most of the day. Then I went dizzy and the next thing I know I'm coming round on the floor, the whole team around me."

"Have they an idea what caused it?"

"Low blood sugar," she replies. "I...I've been feeling off for a couple of days and haven't really been eating." She lowers her head, ashamed.

"Ruth!" he scolds lightly. She smiles up at him but he notices it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "There's something else," he deduces. It's a statement, not a question.

"I...I'm fine."

Harry leans in, lowering his voice. "Come on Ruth, I'm a spook for heaven's sake. And I've known you far too long. I know when you're lying."

"I'm not lying," she protests vehemently.

"What aren't you telling me then?"

"I...," she begins but trails off. "I...can't." Harry is worried now; scared about what her diagnosis may be. He reaches over and takes her hand in his. He is hesitant, not knowing what kind of a reaction he will get. Things between them have been easing slightly over the last couple of months; the tension caused by her rejection of a second date falling away and their relationship almost back to the way it was. He doesn't want to push her too much but he needs to have some sort of physical contact with her if it's going to be bad news.

"Come on Ruth, it can't be that bad. Whatever they've said, we'll get through it together. You and me."

Ruth doesn't shirk away from his touch or push him away, instead she merely whispers, "I'm not sure you'll be saying that when you find out."

"Try me," he challenges, his hand never leaving hers. Ruth looks down, unable to meet his gaze as she tries to find the words to tell him her news.

"Harry. I...I'm pregnant."

**1**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews for the first chapter. I hope this second one lives up to your expectations and doesn't disappoint.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>

_Still Friday 1__st__December 200_

"Pregnant?" he asks, his heart plummeting. She's carrying someone else's child; she's going to have a baby with another man. It's been nearly five months since she rejected his offer of a second date and, although he wasn't expecting her to remain single forever, he's hurt that she could have moved on from him so quickly. Had he meant nothing to her at all?

"About two months they think," Ruth tells him, her eyes still cast downwards. Harry doesn't reply. He is at a loss for words; he really has no clue what to say, which not something he is used to. Even though Ruth has been known to render him speechless on several previous occasions. He has hundreds of questions flying around his head but he doesn't quite know where to start. "Harry?" Ruth's voice brings him out of his daze. She's looking at him now and he realises she is waiting for a response from him. He sees worry in her eyes; she's anxious about his reaction. He knows the silence won't have helped ease her concerns and he silently berates himself for his selfish behaviour; this should be about her, not him and his dented pride.

He remembers that he still has hold of her hand so he gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Congratulations," he tells her, trying to sound sincere. Thankfully, he succeeds and he sees relief wash over her. "Do you want me to call anyone for you? The father?" He knows it's a crass way of finding out about him but he just can't help himself. Ruth looks away from him again but he notices the tell-tale glistening of her eyes; she's trying not to cry. "Ruth?"

She shakes her head sadly. "He's...he's not..." She stumbles as she searches for the right word before finally settling on one, "involved. Nor will he be." Harry's brain begins working overtime, different scenarios running through his brain.

"A one night stand?" he hears himself ask, and curses himself for his lack of tact. Ruth's head snaps up and Harry finds himself on the end of an icy stare.

"Do you really think that little of me? After everything?" she hisses, conscious of the paper thin curtains of the cubicle.

"No," he assures quickly. "Of course not! But what else am I supposed to think? I mean you weren't seeing anyone."

"And how would you know?"

"You didn't have anyone vetted," he explains.

"No, I didn't, but I was careful. My legend was watertight. Neil never suspected anything." Harry feels jealousy well up inside him at the mention of the other man's name. He sighs, rubbing his temples, which Ruth takes as admonishment for ignoring protocol. "Oh come on Harry," Ruth continues, "it's not like it's never happened before. Tom did it. Zoe did it. Are you going to sit there and have the gall to tell me that you've never done it?" He looks down and that's all the answer she needs. "Exactly."

Harry is silent for a moment, considering. "It doesn't have to mean he can't be involved though; we can clear him retrospectively; I'll deal with it. Just fill in the appropriate paperwork. It doesn't have to stop him from seeing you and the baby." Harry hates speaking these words; thinking about Ruth with someone other than him. They'd managed to repair their friendship after the fall out from their dinner and things had been going well enough for him to convince himself she still felt something for him. Had he been totally wrong?

"His lack of clearance might not be a barrier, but I'm sure his wife probably would be!"

"His wife?" Harry's jaw drops; he can't believe what he is hearing. "He was married?"

"Apparently so. And no, I didn't know before you even ask."

"I wasn't going to," he murmurs but she doesn't register that she's heard him.

"Although I didn't actually ask him, so maybe I am partly to blame. I mean I was seeing him for a couple of months, I could probably have found a spare five minutes to check."

"No," Harry tells her forcefully. "You are not to blame. He is. You are not a mind reader. How were you to know?"

"I could have asked, but it didn't even occur to me...he wasn't wearing a ring. Maybe you were right, maybe I am naïve. It's not like all men wear rings in this day and age and…"

"Ruth. Take a deep breath and calm down." She does as he instructs. "You are not naïve. Even if you'd asked, who's to say he wouldn't have lied?" Ruth has no answer to that, so she merely shrugs her shoulders. Harry, who is still holding her hand, brings his other hand to accompany it and cocoons hers in his grip. "I am sorry he deceived you, and I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation. But you will cope with it. You will. And you'll be a great mother."

"I don't know if I can do this on my own," she admits shyly.

"But you're not on your own."

"I am though Harry; my father's dead, my mother and I have a…fractious relationship at best. I've got no brothers or sisters. I'm alone. I've got no-one."

"You've got me."

"Harry I-" she begins but he silences her with a finger to her lips.

"Sssh. Whatever has gone on in the past, I still consider us to be friends Ruth and, as your friend, I will be there _if_ you need me." He puts a great emphasis on the word 'if' so she knows it's an option; he's not going to force her into anything.

"I haven't decided what I'm going to do," she tells him honestly. "I need some time."

"Of course. I'm sure there'll be plenty of time to think while you're stuck in here," he quips. She smiles at that, her first genuine smile of the day. "I'd better get back; goodness knows what the team are getting up to in my absence. They'll want to know how you're doing too. Will you be okay?" he checks, standing reluctantly. He doesn't want to leave her, but he knows he must.

"I'll be fine," she assures him. "About the others. I don't think I'm ready for anyone to know. Like I said, I just need some time... "

Harry gives her a small smile. "I won't say anything, don't worry." He leans in and places a small kiss on the top of her head. "I'll call back and see you tonight." She doesn't hear him at first; she's completely overwhelmed by his kiss. By the time his words do register and she attempts to tell him that there's no need for him to visit her, he's already left.

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><p><strong>AN:** More details are to come about Ruth's relationship in future chapters (Not that I think anyone will be particularly interested; you'll all be too busy shipping Harry and Ruth hopefully, but I feel it will be necessary for story progression/plot development.)

If you've got time, please leave a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! Glad everyone seems to be enjoying this.

**Chapter**

_Wednesday 6th December 2006_

Ruth glances at the clock on her night stand, 2.15am. She closes the door to the adjoining bathroom, cursing the person who first thought up the term 'morning-sickness'. It isn't a very good description, not of hers anyway. Hers has a habit of striking anytime, anywhere; night or day. In the three days she's been home from hospital she's not gone more than a few hours without feeling queasy. The tablets they've given her have helped the severity of it, but not the frequency. It wouldn't be so bad, if she wasn't going back to work tomorrow. Harry had insisted that she take some more time, but she had told him in no uncertain terms that she would be returning to work. She doesn't want people talking about her, whispering behind her back and she knows that the longer she is absent, the worse it will get. She'll just have to grin and bear the queasiness; at least the dizziness had gone.

She is just about to get into bed when the wind howls through the open window, causing an awful draft. Moving to close it, she notices a familiar car parked on the opposite side of the road. She shakes her head in disbelief and reaches for the phone, dialling the ever familiar number from memory. It rings once before he answers.

"Ruth. Are you okay?" He sounds panicked and she feels slightly guilty.

"I'm fine Harry. I'm just wondering if there's a particular reason you're sat outside my house at twenty past two in the morning?"

"I...er..." he hesitates before changing the subject. "What are you doing up? You need to rest!"

"Morning sickness, and stop avoiding the issue," she instructs, pulling the curtain back further to see him looking up at her through the driver's window. "I'm putting the kettle on," she tells him, "if you want to join me." She takes her robe from the back of the door, descends the stairs and flicks on the already full kettle as the doorbell rings. Tightening her robe around her, she opens the door. Harry stands, as invited, on the other side. He looks like he hasn't slept properly in days. "You look like hell," she observes.

"Oh thank you!" he banters.

"What are you doing here?" she presses.

"I...was worried."

"Harry, I've been out of hospital for three days, why are you suddenly..." she trails off as realisation hits her. "Don't tell me you've been out there every night?"

Harry has the decency to look ashamed, before a shiver runs through him, "I'd rather not have this conversation on your doorstep. Didn't you say something about a coffee?"

"I'm not sure if you deserve one now," she threatens, but there's a hint of affection in her voice and she steps aside to let him enter. "Go through,' she indicates to the living room before retreating to the kitchen. She returns moments later with two steaming mugs, one of which she hands to Harry who has taken a seat on her sofa. As she sits down next to him, the aroma of her tea reaches his nostrils and he grimaces.

"What on earth is that?"

"Chamomile tea; the real stuff makes me feel ill at the moment."

"That's normal," he comments and she can't help but raise an eyebrow. "I do have two children," he reminds her. "I know I may not have been around much, but I do have some knowledge."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," he says, but she senses that it's not. He doesn't give her chance to take it any further though. "Have you thought about what you're going to do...about the baby?" He doesn't know why he feels the need to clarify; they both know what he meant.

"I've thought about nothing else," she admits.

"That's understandable. Have you made a decision?"

"I think so. I know it won't be easy butI want to have this baby." A small smile adorns her face as she speaks and it Harry thinks she looks beautiful. He takes her mug from her and places it on the coffee table next to his, before wrapping his arms around her.

"Congratulations Ruth." Their embrace lasts longer than a platonic hug between friends probably should, but neither are concerned with that. They're too busy enjoying the feel of being in each other's arms. When they reluctantly pull away, it's down to Ruth's yawning; a sign of her obvious tiredness.

"I need to get some sleep. Back at work tomorrow and my boss is a real slave driver," she teases. "He won't like it if I fall asleep at my desk."

"I hear he doesn't think you should be going back so soon."

"Well, he's not always right. Despite what he might think."

Harry scoffs but rises to leave. "I'll get out of your way then; let you rest."

"You could stay," she blurts out and then realises how it sounds. "I mean, I have a spare room, if you want it. It's probably a damn sight more comfortable than the car."

"I...Oh, okay then. Your spare room would be much appreciated."

"One condition," she specifies. "No more late night surveillance."

"But-"

"No buts Harry. I'm fine. No more dizziness and the sickness is manageable." Harry reluctantly agrees to her demands and she shows him to his room. "Good night Harry," she whispers, pecking him on the cheek. "And thank you." She takes her leave then, Harry standing dumbfounded at her actions.

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><p>The next morning, Ruth wakes, disturbed by the sound of her front door slamming shut behind someone. She comes round slowly, rubbing her eyes. A car starting up down the street grabs her attention, and then she detects a hint of chamomile in the air. Looking to her left she finds a steaming mug of chamomile tea and a piece of dry toast. Accompanying them is a note from Harry.<p>

_Gone home to change. Thanks for the use  
>of your spare room. You were right - much<br>better than the car._

_Made you some tea and toast to try and  
>settle your stomach.<em>

_See you on the Grid when you're ready.  
>H x<em>

Ruth smiles to herself as she reads Harry's unmistakeable scrawl. She sits up with her tea replaying the times they've spent together recently. She thought they were becoming closer; things nearly back to how they were. This pleased her, although there was a niggling question in the back of her mind as to whether Harry would really be there to weather the storm of her pregnancy with her. She could only hope so.

**3**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. Seems to be some mixed opinions about Ruth's behaviour but you all seem to be enjoying the story nonetheless. Here's the next bit. (Bit of a time jump in the middle - but it's clearly labelled with the dates.)

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

_Monday 11th December 2006_

"Where's Ruth?" asks Ros, noticing the analyst's empty desk as she enters the grid.

"Dunno," replies Zaf.

"We'll she'd better hurry up," she complains, sitting down. "I need the report that she was supposed to finish yesterday. Y'know, since she was off ill her work's not been up to scratch." Ros jumps suddenly, as a file slams down on the desk next to her.

"Here's the report you requested from Ruth," Harry tells her, annoyance evident in his voice. "She won't be in until this afternoon; she's got a follow up appointment at the hospital. But she was here until very late last night finishing this for you, despite my insistence that she go home. She was adamant that you should get it on time." Having said his piece and made his point, Harry stalks off to his office, and shuts himself away for the rest of the morning.

He's still a hurt that Ruth moved on from them so quickly, but that hasn't stopped his protective streak from surfacing. Part of him wants to punish her for her actions but he can't bring himself to; he still loves her, even if she insists there can be nothing between them. There hasn't been much time for them to talk over the past few days; threats to national security have taken priority, but he has been keeping a covert eye on her; making sure she is eating properly and not working too hard. He is curious about Neil; the father of her baby, but doesn't want to pry. He knows he could easily use the Grid's resources to find out, but he won't breach her trust. Not again; he remembers how hurt she was after he read her personnel file during the Angela Wells fiasco. He will just have to wait until she tells him herself.

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><p>The Grid is practically deserted when Ruth arrives around half past twelve; everyone having gone off to lunch. Harry wonders if she's timed it that way, to avoid questions from the others. He watches surreptitiously as she slips her coat off, sits down at her desk, and opens her lunch, noticing immediately that something is amiss; something he can't quite put his finger on. It's not until he catches her eye as the others return that he realises what's wrong; she's been crying.<p>

Harry spies Ros making her way over to Ruth's desk and he knows that he has to act quickly if he's going to find out what's upset her. Once she slips back into 'work mode' he will struggle to find an opportunity to ask her about it, and even if he does it is unlikely that she will answer truthfully, once she's buried her emotions.

Decisively, he stands and moves towards his door. "Ruth!" he calls as he opens it. "A word please." Obediently, she rises and enters his office. She stands nervously beside his desk. "Take a seat," he offers.

"Wh...what can I do for you?" she asks as she sits down.

"I just wondered how it went this morning?"

"Oh, err...fine. All clear."

"Good." Silence falls over them and Ruth soon becomes uncomfortable.

"I-is that all?" she asks, preparing to stand.

"You've been crying." It's a statement, not a question. That part comes next, "Why?" Ruth doesn't respond. "Did something happen at the hospital?" he presses.

"I had my first scan," she tells him shyly and the tears return to her eyes.

"You never said," he observed before mentally kicking himself. Why should she tell him anyway?

"It seemed logical to arrange it for the same day as my follow up; saves having to go back again," she explains.

"Make sense," he agrees. A thought hits and a wave of panic suddenly overcomes him. "Was everything alright, with the scan?"

"Everything's fine," she assured, a smile breaking over her otherwise worried features. She reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a copy of her ultrasound. She offers it to him. He accepts, gazing at the blurry image in front of him for a few seconds. He can't really make much out, but doesn't let her know that.

"So why the tears?" he asks, handing the scan back to her with a smile.

"I...just sitting there on my own in the waiting room. It made me realise that that's what it's going to be like from now on. Just me and the baby. Alone." She looks down at the scan in her hands. "I never thought I'd have children but I thought that if, on the off chance I did, it'd be in a stable, loving relationship and the father would be around. I just got a little emotional. I'm fine now. Honestly."

"You didn't have to go alone," he blurts out before he thinks. "I mean...if I'd known...I would have accompanied you. I-if you'd wanted me to, that is."

"You w-? I...I didn't even think about it," she admits. "I didn't think it was an option."

"Well it is," he informs her, "for future reference."

"Right. Thanks." Her reply is simple and he's left wondering if he's said the wrong thing. "I'd better get back or Ros will be on the war path." With that, she leaves his office.

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><p><em>Friday 23rd February 2007<em>

Just over two months later and Ruth's pregnancy is now common knowledge amongst her colleagues. She had been nervous about telling them and had put it off as long as possible, but when she had started to show she'd realised she didn't have much choice in the matter. One Friday afternoon at the beginning of January she had informed Harry of her intention to tell the team in The George that evening after work. He'd asked if she was sure, and she'd assured him she was. He hadn't missed the anxiousness in her face though and vowed to finish his paperwork and make it to the pub for a drink, to be there for her just in case. He needn't have worried; she'd made her announcement confidently, more confidently than she actually was, Harry was sure. There were lots of murmurs of congratulations and several hugs; everyone was extremely happy for her. Harry thought he even saw Ros give her a small smile! Ruth had fielded questions about the father honestly and once the hype had died down, everything on the grid returned to normal, except the team were now a little more concerned for Ruth's welfare than before.

Harry is trawling through a stack of paperwork on their latest threat analysis when Ruth knocks lightly on his door. Her out of character behaviour alerts him instantly and he knows something is wrong.

"You knocked," he observes as she enters. "You never knock."

She looks away, embarrassed. "Well, I thought it was about time," she mumbles.

"So, what can I do for you?"

"I need some time off...next Wednesday. I have my second scan."

"Of course you can have the time off. Fill in the relevant form and I'll approve it."

She gives him a shy smile. "Thank you." Assuming that was all, Harry returns to his paperwork expecting Ruth to see herself out, but she remains standing beside his desk.

"Was there something else?" he asks gently, looking up at her.

"I...do you remember a couple of months ago, after my first scan. You...well you said, offered really, to…if I wanted you to, to-" Harry, recalling the conversation and realising where this conversation is going, stands and puts his hands on her shoulders.

"Ruth, slow down."

She stops rambling and takes a breath. "Sorry. Do you remember the conversation?" She fiddles with the pen in her hands as she asks.

"I do."

"Do you remember what you said?" He toys with the idea of making her sweat a little; teasing her but he can see she's nervous so decides against it.

"If I recall correctly, I offered to come with you to any appointments, if it was in a somewhat veiled manner."

A nervous smile crosses her face. "You did."

"And you were wondering if that offer was still open?" he guesses.

"Yes."

"It is. If you want it to be."

"Yes…please. The appointment is at two o'clock at St Mary's." She doesn't wait for his reply, eager to get out of there before the conversation can get any more awkward.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Well, you all seem to want to know about Neil, and who am I to disappoint. Nervous about what you will all think, but here you go anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter<strong>

_Wednesday 28th February 2007_

Ruth is talking to Ros about the latest security briefing when the phone rings. It's the Home Secretary, needing to speak to Harry urgently. Ruth transfers the call with a sense of foreboding; today is the day of her second scan and Harry has agreed to accompany her, but she knows if the nation is to be plunged into crisis she faces the possibility of going alone…again. Harry emerges from his office moments later, shrugging on his coat.

"Emergency JIC meeting," he announces. "Hopefully I shouldn't be more than a couple of hours," he adds, looking pointedly at Ruth, letting her know he has not forgotten about her appointment and is hoping to be back in time. Ruth smiles at him, but she isn't holding her breath.

She is right not to get her hopes up. It's twelve o'clock when Harry's call comes.

"I'm sorry Ruth; it looks like this meeting is going to go on for a while. I don't know if I'm going to make it this afternoon."

"It's okay Harry, don't worry," she replies, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I'd better get back in there. I am truly sorry."

* * *

><p>Ruth sits alone in the waiting room. She had waited on the Grid for Harry for as long as possible but he hadn't made it back from his meeting and she couldn't wait any longer. So she sat there alone, much like she had at her first scan, surrounded by couples, eager to take the next step on their joint adventure into parenting. She feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb; she may as well have a flashing neon sign above her head, telling the world! Sighing, she absentmindedly rubs her slightly swollen belly. She wants this child more than anything; more than she ever thought she would, but she can't help but wish that the situation was different; that she wasn't alone. That Harry was here with her; that this was Harry's baby. She could have had that, she berates herself, if she hadn't been such a coward and declined his offer of a second date. She'd wanted to accept; but she couldn't cope with people knowing about them. She supposed they meant well, but it undermined Harry and it embarrassed the hell out of her.<p>

She'd tried to distract herself from her feelings for Harry by taking up Neil's offer of dinner. He'd been attending the same choir as her for a few weeks and was very charming and funny; good looking too. She knew she was supposed to get him cleared but she didn't relish the idea of asking Harry to sign the S24 form, not with their recent history. She'd come to the conclusion that the legend she had for the choir was solid enough to last until she decided if she wanted the relationship to be long term. They'd been on several dates; dinner, the theatre, they'd even had a lazy Saturday afternoon in the park. It was their seventh date when they slept together for the first time. She'd had a particularly harrowing day at work, clashing with Harry on several fronts and as a result she'd had several large glasses of wine at dinner that night. So when Neil had pushed her backwards on the sofa and slid his hand up her skirt, she'd not resisted; taken over by an alcohol and an anger fuelled, irrational desire to do something that would piss Harry off, should he ever find out about it. It wasn't the greatest sex she'd ever had, but it had fulfilled a need. It was also the beginning of the end for her 'relationship' with Neil. He had got up to leave and when Ruth suggested he stay the night, he had been very vague about the reasons he couldn't, rousing a suspicion in her that he was lying. The next morning at work she'd done some digging and found a marriage certificate but no corresponding divorce papers. She confronted him the next time she saw him, silently hoping that it was some sort of mistake, that he was separated and that divorce proceedings were in the pipeline. She was wrong. It turned out he had still been married in every sense of the word, but as his wife worked away a lot he thought his behaviour was perfectly acceptable. Ruth had of course, disagreed and thrown him out, telling him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to see him again.

She'd felt so stupid afterwards that she'd vowed not to mention her disaster of a relationship to anyone, especially not to Harry. She couldn't handle him being disappointed in her or worse, pitying her. Of course, when she'd found out she was pregnant she'd had to tell him, and once he'd gotten over the shock he'd been neither of those things. Instead he'd been caring and supportive; which didn't help her to stop dreaming about what it would be like if this was his child. She needs to stop thinking like this, she tells herself, she can't change what's happened. This baby won't have a father and she will be a single parent; she has to get used to that.

"Miss Evershed," the receptionist calls. Ruth looks up, startled from her thoughts. "You can go through now. Room five."

Ruth puts her unread book in her bag and gathers her belongings. She is walking up the corridor when she hears the main doors burst open and someone call her name.

"Ruth!" Her head whips round at the sound of Harry's voice and she sees him approaching her, drenched due to the bad weather outside. She can't help but smile at his slightly dishevelled appearance. He looks every bit the anxious father to be; a thought that Ruth pushes to the back of her mind. Dangerous territory, she reminds herself.

"What happened to your meeting?" she asks as he reaches her side.

"I wasn't needed," Harry replies, non-committedly. Ruth wants to question him further about his response but doesn't have chance as they reach room five. Harry leans past her and opens the door, holding it open for her. She smiles at him and enters, feeling him following close on her heels.

**5**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews. If you could see your way to leaving another after this, that would be great; not having the best evening so your comments would help to bring a smile to my face.

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><p><strong>Chapter<strong>

_Still Wednesday 28th February 2007…_

"Miss Evershed, good to see you again," the doctor greets. Come on in, have a seat." As Ruth sits down, the doctor finally notices Harry's presence and extends her arm. "Hi, I'm Doctor Harrison." She turns back to Ruth, "I'm glad to see you've brought the father along this time."

Both Ruth and Harry blush and Ruth begins to ramble. "I…er…he's not…I mean…"

"What Ruth is trying to say is that I'm not the baby's father. I'm just a friend." Harry feels the pain of uttering those words deep within him and it strikes him for the first time just how much he wants the child Ruth is carrying to be his.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I just assumed…"

"It's alright. The father….isn't around," Ruth admits. Harry's hand finds Ruth's shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze, reminding her that there is nothing for her to be ashamed of.

"I really am sorry," the doctor repeats.

"Shall we get on," suggests Harry, fearing this cycle of apologising could continue all day.

"Yes, lets," agrees Doctor Harrison. Harry sits back as Ruth has her blood pressure taken, her weight checked and is asked questions about how she is feeling and manages to avoid looking at her as the doctor asks if she brought a urine sample. Why is it that discussion of normal bodily functions can cause embarrassment, he wonders.

"Okay, well everything appears fine up to now. Are you still working?" the doctor asks.

"Yes."

"What is it you do? I can't seem to find it in your notes. Is it strenuous?"

"I work for the Home Office," Ruth answers, the lie falling off her tongue with ease. "I wouldn't say it was strenuous but the hours can be long."

"Is there a level of stress involved?"

"There can be, to a certain extent I suppose."

"Well your blood pressure is within the normal range today but I'd be concerned if you were constantly put under extreme stress. When were you thinking of finishing?" Ruth is now wishing she hadn't asked Harry along; she knows he isn't going to like her answer.

"I want to work as long as possible. Up until the very end, if possible."

"Ruth…" Harry begins but is cut off by the doctor.

"I would advise against that, but something tells me you'll ignore me. You must take it easy, Ruth. Don't do too much."

"I understand that but-"

"Don't worry Doctor Harrison," interjects Harry. "Her boss will make sure she doesn't overdo it." His statement earns him a glare from Ruth but she is prevented from protesting by the doctor's next words.

"Glad to hear it. Right then Ruth, if you'd like to hop up on to the bed there we'll do your scan now." Ruth does as the doctor asks and Harry is feeling a little awkward; he doesn't know what to do. He wants to be at Ruth's side, holding her hand but is worried that would be overstepping the mark.

"Harry?" Ruth's voice cuts into his internal battle, and she looks pointedly at the chair next to her. There's the answer he's looking for; she wants him with her so he takes his seat as she requests. Ruth winces and grabs Harry's hand as the cold gel is applied to her bare stomach.

"Okay, let's take a look at your baby shall we?" says the doctor cheerfully as she rolls the transducer over Ruth's rounded stomach. Harry looks at Ruth; her gaze fixated on the screen. He watches a smile spread across her face as a grainy image appears. Harry manages to tear his eyes away from Ruth and look at the monitor. Unlike when Ruth showed him a still of her first scan, this time he can make out the baby. As he looks, a soft thumping sounds fills the room; her baby's heartbeat. His heart constricts and in that moment he knows that he will love and protect this child despite the fact that it isn't his, even if he is not in a relationship with its mother.

"Everything looks fine; baby is a good size and developing normally. Looks like the initial estimate for a due date around the 6th July is correct. Would you like to know the sex?"

"Yes please," replies Ruth without taking her eyes of the image of her child.

"You're having a boy."

"How accurate is that?" Ruth presses, her analytical skills taking over.

The doctor merely chuckles. "Well we can never be one hundred percent sure until the birth, but I've never been wrong yet."

Harry squeezes Ruth hand and whispers, "A son, Ruth. You're going to have a son."

Doctor Harrison fiddles with the machine and the picture freezes on the screen. "I'll leave you two alone for a moment. I assume you'll want some pictures to take home?"

"Please," Harry answers before realising, causing Ruth to raise an eyebrow. "Well I assumed you would," he continues, trying to cover up his eagerness. The doctor just smiles at them and exits quietly. "Sorry," Harry admits when she's gone. "I just got a little carried away."

Ruth smiles. "It's fine Harry. Honestly." She wipes the gel from her stomach using the tissues that the doctor left her and Harry, ever the gentleman, averts his eyes as she shifts her clothing to get at it all; the smile never leaving her face.

* * *

><p>Harry pulls into his space in the Grid's underground car park and turns to Ruth. She's still holding her scan picture in her hand; he doesn't think she's taken her eyes off it since they left the hospital. The feel of his gaze rouses her and her cheeks redden as she realises they're back at work and she's been completely distracted for the whole journey.<p>

"Oh gosh Harry, I'm so sorry. You must think me terribly rude."

"Ruth, I've known you for over three years and rude is not a word I would associate with you, even with your aversion to knocking. It's completely understandable. In fact I'd probably be worried if you hadn't stared at the picture."

"Still, I feel…ungrateful."

"Nonsense. But if you really feel that bad then you can always make it up to me." He has that mischievous glint in his eye that Ruth finds exceptionally hard to resist and she finds herself playing along, enjoying the banter.

"Oh really? How's that then?" she asks, expecting him to suggest something innocuous such as, a detailed threat report, or making his coffee, even knocking before entering his office but he suggests none of those.

"Have dinner with me." The words are out of his mouth before he realises what he's said and he curses himself inwardly for his lack of control.

"D-dinner?" Ruth questions, thinking she has misheard. She hopes she has. Actually that's a complete lie, she hopes she _hasn't_, but she knows that becoming involved with him, with anyone right now would bring untold complications that she's not sure she could deal with. So it would be better to refuse…wouldn't it?

"Dinner," he clarifies, reasoning that as he's said it, he may as well follow it through.

"I…er…well, I…"

Taking her reticence as refusal, he brushes it off. "Don't worry about it Ruth. It was just an idea. Stupid of me."

The look of disappointment on Harry's face makes Ruth's heart constrict just as much now as it did nine months ago; it's a sight that pains her and in that moment she makes a decision "Harry-"

"It's fine Ruth, honestly.

"But…"

"Let's just forget it and-"

"I don't want to forget it!" she almost snaps; her frustration at him getting the better of her.

"Pardon?"

"I mean…" she takes a deep, calming breath, "dinner sounds wonderful."

Harry tries in vain to cover his surprise. "Right, er…good."

"Did you have a particular venue in mind?"

"No," he admits. "I thought I'd try the less presumptuous approach this time." Ruth smiles. "Would you rather go out or stay in. I make quite a reasonable bolognese."

"That sounds…lovely. Should I bring anything?"

"Just yourself. Friday at 7?"

"Barring any national emergencies, yes," agrees Ruth. "Speaking of national emergencies, I should probably get back to work." She opens the car door and steps out; he's about to follow when she leans back in. "Perhaps you should give it five minutes. The team know where I was, if we arrive together...well, there might be…"

"Talk?" Harry suggests. He knows what she's thinking and he's willing to concede to her, especially as she has just agreed to dinner with him. He's not going to risk jeopardising that.

"Yes…talk."

"Probably best then. We don't want the office to be full of gossip do we, not with the promise of a wonderful evening on Friday?"

"Now you are being presumptuous. It could be a complete disaster for all you know."

"It won't be."

"And how do you know?"

"Cos I'll be spending it in your company," he whispers.

Not trusting herself to reply, Ruth merely smiles bashfully and shuts the car door before walking away.

**6**

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><p><strong>AN:** Don't forget…leave a review!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Once again, thank you for the comments. I really appreciate them. I can't promise how quickly I will be able to update again as I start my final teaching practice tomorrow so I envisage myself being rather busy, quite quickly. Hopefully I should get a couple of chapters out over the Easter holidays…we'll see. Thanks in advance for your patience!

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<br>**

_Friday 2nd March 2007_

Friday afternoon arrives quicker than Ruth is expecting; before she knows it, it's 4.30. Conveniently, there have been no major threats over the last two days so her workload has been light and it looks as if she's going to be able to get away on time, possibly even slightly early, for once. Finishing her report, she sends it to print and rises to retrieve the hard copy. She places it inside the manila folder and strides towards Harry's office, trying to act as normally as possible.

She enters without knocking to find him on the phone. She puts the file down on his desk and moves to leave, but he gestures for her to stay. She takes a seat on the couch in the corner of his office and waits patiently for him to finish.

"Sorry about that. The Home Secretary is panicking over the security plans for next week's garden party at the palace. He wants to meet to go over the arrangements in detail."

"We'll rearrange dinner then, shall we?"

"No need, I've placated him with a meeting first thing Monday morning. "

"Oh, in that case then, is it okay if I leave a little early…to get ready?"

"Of course," Harry replies looking at his watch. "Can we make it half seven instead? With the Home Secretary breathing down my neck I'm afraid I'm a little behind."

"That's fine, but if you'd rather rearrange, then that's fine too."

"I think we've waited long enough already for our second dinner, don't you?"

"Probably," she replies, nerves building inside. She is confused as to what this dinner means, is it a dinner between friends or is it, as his last comment would suggest, a second date. She wants to clarify it with him but doesn't know how.

"Go on Ruth, you get off home and I'll see you later."

Ruth nods. "Later. Goodbye Harry."

"Goodbye Ruth."

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><p>It's almost seven forty-five when Ruth arrives at Harry's. She somehow manages to pluck up enough courage to actually ring the doorbell. She hadn't been nervous at all when she left The Grid, but the arduous bus journey home had given her too much time to think; to come up with a list of reasons why tonight was a bad idea. She'd debated ringing him and cancelling, but couldn't bring herself to do that to him. Instead she vowed that they would have a full and frank discussion, or as near to one as the two of them ever could, about the purpose of the evening and what is happening between them.<p>

The door opens and she is faced with an obviously relieved Harry. "Hi," she greets.

"I didn't think you were coming," he says as he steps aside to let her enter.

"I nearly didn't," she admits, looking down at her shoes. "At one point I even had the phone in my hand, ready to ring and cancel."

"Well I'm glad you didn't; far too much spaghetti for me to eat on my own." He can tell she's nervous and knows they're in a delicate situation, so he goes for the light-hearted response to try and relax her.

It's the right choice. She giggles slightly. "I'm sure between you and Scarlett, you'd have managed." Scarlett, having heard her name, pads into the hallway to investigate. Upon seeing Ruth, she speeds up a little, her tail wagging furiously. She stops by Ruth's feet and sits down, waiting to be stroked. "Hey there girl," coos Ruth, obliging the dog by bending down and ruffling her fur. Standing up again she hands Harry a bottle, "I know you said not to bring anything but my father taught me to never turn up for a meal at someone's house, empty handed." He takes it from her; it's Shleor, a non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice. "I would have brought wine, but..." she trails off, her meaning clear.

"Can I take your coat?" Harry offers, putting the bottle down on the small table in the corner. Ruth slowly unbuttons her cream coat; she'd stood in front of her wardrobe for nearly half an hour, trying to decide what to wear and had changed into several different outfits before finally deciding to go with the first one she'd tried on. She'd chosen smart black trousers and a three quarter sleeve, blue chiffon 'babydoll' top that flowed flatteringly around her small bump, with black printed detail around the scooped neckline. She'd left her hair down and wore little make-up; choosing to go with the natural look.

As she removes her coat, Harry is unable to take his eyes off her. He doesn't know what it is, but she looks absolutely gorgeous. Her bump is slightly more visible than it normally is at work and Ruth is glowing; radiant. He realises he's been staring and gives her a shy, apologetic smile. "Sorry," he utters as he takes her coat and hangs it on the coat-stand by the door. Turning back to her, he bites the bullet, "You look beautiful Ruth."

She feels the blush rise in her cheeks and begins to feel awkward once more. "Harry, I…I don't think I can do this."

"Do what?"

"This," she reiterates, waving her hand between them. "Us."

"I wasn't aware there was an 'us'," he retorts.

"No, there isn't. Of course there isn't, but this feels very much like a…like a…date and I'm not sure I can do that right now. Not with the baby and everything. I mean, pregnant women can't just go around dating can they? It's not the done thing is it! Although, most pregnant women are in a relationship with the father so they _can't_ date but…"

Harry quite enjoys her babbling; he thinks it's adorable, but she's getting herself worked up and that's not good for her in her condition. "Ruth, stop," he orders and she does so, catching her breath. He seizes the chance. "Look, the pasta is ready. Why don't you come through to the kitchen and we can discuss this over dinner?"

Remembering her resolution that they were going to talk about this, she nods and follows him down the hall. He indicates for her sit at the large table that is positioned in the centre of the room. She does so. The table is set with simple crockery and much to Ruth's relief, there are no candles in sight. She watches Harry move around the kitchen and marvels at this new domestic side of him that is being revealed to her.

Harry places a dish of steaming spaghetti bolognese in front of her then moves to sit in the opposite chair. The food smells divine; but Ruth's appetite is suppressed by the nerves and awkwardness she feels, so she merely twists the pasta onto the fork and pushes it round the plate.

Harry watches her for a few moments, before deciding enough is enough. "Look Ruth, the last thing I want you to feel is uncomfortable. Tonight can be whatever you want it to be. A simple dinner between friends, even colleagues if you prefer. Or it can be…something more. There's no pressure. I'll go with whatever you want."

Silence reigns as Ruth considers his words and Harry does his best to wait it out. He continues eating his pasta, attempting to convince them both that his whole world doesn't hinge on her response.

"What if I don't know what I want?" she finally whispers, as if uttering the words may cause some cataclysmic event.

Harry pushes down the hope that swells within him. He can't push her on this; their relationship is still too delicate.

"In that case, this is a dinner between friends…with additional options should you change your mind." He throws her a mischievous grin and she returns the sentiment. "I meant what I said Ruth. There's no pressure here."

"But you want there to be something more." It's not a question; they've danced around their feelings for long enough that she knows.

Harry blushes. "Ruth, I…"

"It's okay Harry. We need to talk about this."

"No we don't. The fact that you're unsure what you want dictates that this can be nothing more than two friends enjoying each other's company."

"But-"

It's Harry's turn to cut her off this time. "No buts Ruth. You are obviously aware of how I feel about you, so the ball is in your court, so to speak."

"I've just got so much to deal with right now; I'm not sure adding a relationship into the mix is a good idea. Hardly the best situation for a budding romance, is it?"

"Let me just say one thing before we put this conversation to bed," he insists. "The fact that you are pregnant isn't an issue for me."

"You say that now Harry, but there's still plenty of time for the reality of the situation to hit."

"I mean it Ruth. Now, come on, if you don't eat that I might start thinking that I really am an awful cook."

Ruth looks down at her plate guiltily and lifts the fork to her mouth. "It's delicious, Harry."

"There's no need to sound so surprised!" And with that, the tension is broken and the two of them finally relax and begin to enjoy themselves.

**7**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** It's been a quiet week on placement – mostly introductory stuff, so I've managed to get this out for you. Hope you enjoy :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<br>**

_Still Friday 2nd March 2007… 10.45pm_

Ruth glances at the clock on the fireplace. "It's getting late Harry. I should go."

"You could always stay." Ruth's eyes go wide and Harry realises that what he's said sounds like a corny proposition from a bad romantic film. "In the spare room, I mean. That sounded a lot less like a cliché in my head."

"I don't know. I-"

"I'm not entirely comfortable with sending a pregnant woman home alone at this hour. I'd drive you but the couple of whiskeys I've had would suggest that's not a good idea. Humour me Ruth; I really would feel better if you stayed."

"Okay, but…" she faltered, her cheeks reddening.

"What?"

"God this is embarrassing…do you perhaps have something I could sleep in?"

Harry lets out a small chuckle. "I'm sure we can find you something. Come on." He leads Ruth upstairs and into the spare room. "Here you go; your bed for the night. Don't worry, the sheets are clean. The bathroom is directly opposite. Make yourself at home. I'll go and dig you out something to wear."

Ruth sat down on the bed as Harry disappeared. They'd had a wonderful evening getting to know one another, and it had left her even more conflicted than before. She was falling for him, she was sure of that, but it wasn't fair to either of them to start a relationship now. Harry might have said that her pregnancy wasn't an issue but how could it not be? In just under 4 months she was going to have a baby; a whole other person to depend on her, who would need her 24 hours a day. She couldn't expect Harry to deal with that and, if their relationship worked, to take on another man's child. It was bound to come between them at some point so it would be better for both of them if they just remained friends; however hard that might be. Wouldn't it?

A soft knock at the door indicates Harry's return.

"Come in," Ruth calls.

Harry enters carrying a pile of clothes. He places them don on the bed. "I wasn't sure what you'd want to wear so I brought a couple of things."

"Thanks."

"Well, I'll let you get some sleep. I'm just next door…if you need anything."

Ruth nods. "Goodnight then."

"Goodnight." Harry turns to leave and is twisting the door knob before Ruth calls to him.

"Oh and Harry?" He turns back to face her; she's off the bed now, walking towards him. "Thanks for a lovely evening." Before she realises what she is doing, she stretches upwards and places a kiss on his cheek. When she pulls back from him she's blushing profusely so turns quickly.

Harry stands there dumfounded for a few seconds, before coming to his senses. "You're very welcome, Ruth. I enjoyed myself too," he tells her, before slipping from the room. Ruth selects an old t-shirt and a pair of shorts from the pile of clothes and goes to the bathroom to change and wash up, thankful that she doesn't bump into Harry on the way there or back. His shirt drowns her, covering the shorts so it looks like she's not wearing them at all. Not exactly a fashionable look, but it's comfy and it smells of him.

She slips between the sheets curls up within them, allowing his scent to envelope her and sooth her to sleep, her dreams filled with everything she and Harry could have if only she were brave enough to reach out and grab it.

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><p><em>Saturday 3rd March 2007<em>

Saturday morning arrives far too quickly for Harry; thoughts about Ruth had filled his mind until the early hours and prevented him from sleep. Stretching, he emerges from his room and notices the door to the spare room wide open and the bed immaculately made. His first thought is dismay that she's gone home without saying goodbye, but then he hears a crash come from the direction of the kitchen.

"Oh…thing!" curses Ruth, causing Harry to smile to himself. He makes his way downstairs to investigate. He leans against the kitchen doorframe and surveys the damage. There is a smashed jar of jam on the floor, which Ruth is desperately trying to clean up but her efforts are being hampered by Scarlett, who seems to have acquired a taste for it and is licking it up with fervour. There is a stench of scorched toast in the air and a bubbling coffee pot in the corner.

"When I said you could stay last night I didn't envisage you destroying my kitchen as appreciation."

Ruth starts at the sound of his voice and her hand shoots to her chest. "Harry! You scared me to death!"

"Sorry," he replies, kneeling down to help her clear up.

"Be careful," she warns. "The glass."

He shoos Scarlett away from her sugary treat and begins picking up the larger pieces of glass. "You shouldn't be down here," he tells Ruth. "Let me do this."

"I'm pregnant Harry, not an invalid. I am perfectly capable of bending down to mop up the mess I've made."

"I know, but I'd rather you poured us both some coffee. Please?"

She relents. "Alright, my back could probably do without the extra strain."

Ruth is still wearing the clothes he had given her last night, and as she stands up, Harry can't help but notice her legs. He tries not to stare, but he can't seem to tear his eyes away and begins thinking about how it would feel to run his hands up…No, he tells himself. You can't think like that. That way madness lies. Shaking his head he returns to the task of clearing up the jam. He's just picked out the last big piece of glass when it happens.

"Where do you keep the sug…ah!" Harry's head shoots up at her exclamation; her hand is on her stomach and she has a startled look on her face. He is on his feet and making his way across the kitchen in seconds, the glass discarded back onto the floor.

"Ruth? What's wrong?" Her non-responsiveness worries him further and he puts a hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. "Ruth, talk to me! What is it? Is it the baby? Do you ne-" He stops talking as she takes his hand and places it on her bump. "Ruth?"

"Sssh," she whispers, not moving her hand from his.

He does as she asks and stands there, his hand held in place by hers, wondering what exactly is happening. It's not long before realisation hits and he feels it; a soft gentle movement under his palm. Ruth's baby is moving. It's not quite a full blown kick, but there is definitely discernible movement.

"Can you feel that?" she asks, awestruck.

"Yes," he whispers.

"It's…he's never…I mean…that was the first time."

"The first time?" he asks, honoured that he would get to share this moment with her.

"Yeah." The broad smile on her face as she looks up at him makes him go weak at the knees and his heart soar; he doesn't think she's never looked more beautiful than in that moment. His eyes flicker to her mouth and he's finding it hard to resist leaning down and capturing her lips with his. He looks into her eyes and she seems to give her unspoken permission so he decides to go for it.

Suddenly, Ruth's mobile rings loudly in the living room, causing them to spring apart, the moment gone. Ruth rushes from the kitchen, using the need to answer the call as her excuse. She comes back a few minutes later, all traces of the happiness of before wiped from her face.

"Harry, I have to go. That was my…my mother. She's in town. At my house actually and she wants to see me."

Harry didn't know much about Ruth but he knew she didn't have the easiest relationship with her mother. "She's just turned up? Out of the blue?"

"It's what she does," Ruth shrugs. "But that's not the worst of it."

"It's not?"

Ruth shuffles and looks down at her shoes. "I haven't told her I'm pregnant."

**8**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Well, it's Easter holidays and, as a reward for me writing 600 words of my essay, I've managed to find time to update for you. Some of you were concerned about the appearance of Ruth's mother so I didn't want to leave you hanging for too long. Hope you enjoy.

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><p><strong>Chapter 9<br>**

_Still Saturday 3rd March 2007_

The taxi pulls up outside Ruth's house and she can see her mother waiting impatiently outside. Rationally, she knows that it's her own fault for just arriving out of the blue but she also knows that her mother won't see it that way. She never does and Ruth will be the one who comes out of this feeling like the bad guy. Taking a deep breath to steel herself against the oncoming storm, Ruth pays the driver and steps out of the cab. She pulls her coat around her, thankfully it's bulky enough to cover her bump well, as she'd pointed out to Harry before she left his house. He'd been shocked to discover that she was still hiding her pregnancy from her mother, as she's sure most people would be. Friends from university who had children have extolled to her the benefits of having their mothers on hand during their pregnancies, but there is nothing Ruth wants less. Instead of care and support, she would get veiled put downs and criticism and has been putting off telling her to spare herself the stress.

"Where have you been?" are the first words her mother, Elizabeth, speaks to her.

"Out." Ruth can't help but snap; it's the effect her mother has on her.

"Hmm. Well, are we going to stand out here for the rest of the day or do you think you could let us in."

Huffily, Ruth unlocks the door and steps inside. They're greeted by Fidget, who wraps himself around Ruth's ankles; pleased to see the source of his breakfast home at last. She picks him up. "Sorry boy. Are you hungry? Of course you are."

"You've still got that flea-magnet then?"

"He has a name," Ruth retorts. "Come on Fidge, let's get you some breakfast." She carries him through to the kitchen and places him gently on the floor. Her mother follows her, after removing her coat and is running an appraising eye over Ruth's newly decorated kitchen.

"I was never a big fan of magnolia," she comments.

"Well it's not your kitchen is it?" Ruth snaps.

"There's no need to be short with me," Elizabeth protests.

"There's every need," Ruth hisses, opening a can of cat food. "What are you even doing here?"

"I came to London to see the solicitor about the sale of the house. I have an appointment at one thirty; thought I'd pop in on you while I was here."

"Where's David?" Out of the two of them, Ruth gets on better with her step-father and is slightly disappointed that he is not there. His presence might have softened the blow of her news a little. Ruth place Fidget's now full bowl on the floor and pets him as he comes to eat.

Her mother shrugs. "He had a family engagement, his cousin's wife's birthday or something. Shall we have some coffee?" she suggests, but makes no move to put the kettle on. Ruth flicks it on and begins making two drinks. "Decaf?" observes her eagle eyed mother. "That stuff tastes like dishwater. Have you no proper coffee?"

She doesn't actually. She's off the stuff because of the pregnancy and doesn't have visitors often enough to warrant buying two different types. Harry is her only real visitor and on the rare occasion he actually drinks coffee while he's there, he puts up with the decaf and has never complained about it once.

"No. It's either this, camomile tea or water?" Ruth offers her the choices and she wrinkles her nose.

"I'll have the coffee dear, and for goodness sake, take your coat off; you look as if you're ready to bolt any second."

A weary sigh escapes Ruth as she pours the drinks. There's no putting it off any longer. As soon as she removes her coat, her condition will be obvious for her mother to see.

"Actually Mum, I am glad you're here," she lies as she begins to unbutton her coat. "I've been meaning to ring you; I have some news."

"Oh yes dear?" She's not as interested as she could be, but Ruth knows that will all change once she utters her next two words.

She takes a deep breath and slips her coat off her shoulders. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p>A rumble of thunder grabs Harry's attention and he glances out of the window to see rain streaming down it. He wonders if he should call Ruth. It's been a good couple of hours since she left and she had promised to call and let him know how she got on with her mother. He didn't realise she hadn't told her about the baby. He knew that they weren't close but it never occurred to him that she would keep something this big from her. Ruth said she knew what her mother's reaction would be and she'd wanted to leave it as long as possible before telling her. Harry's never known Ruth be a coward before, but then he hasn't met her mother and has no clue of their relationship, so supposes he shouldn't judge.<p>

He return to the files on his desk; he brought home some paperwork before he knew he'd be having dinner with Ruth and it needs to be done by Monday. He vows not to bring his work home with him anymore; hopeful of more evenings in Ruth's company.

Signing the final page of the report, he looks at the clock again; 11.55. Exactly 3 hours since Ruth left. He picks up the receiver and begins to dial her number when he hears a soft knock on the door, followed by Scarlett's load bark. She is sat protectively at the door, growling at whoever might be behind it. It's all an act though; the likelihood is that, no matter who it is, she'll just roll over and expect to have her stomach tickled. Harry opens the door to find Ruth standing on the other side, soaked to the skin.

"Ruth!" he exclaims and move aside so she can get into the warm.

"Hi," she offers meekly. Her tone combined with the look in her eyes, tell Harry that her mother's reaction was all she thought it would be.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well," he observes.

"You could say that," she replied, shivering.

He takes her hand; it's ice cold. "You're freezing!" he tells her. "Come on, we need to get you out of those wet clothes." She raises an eyebrow as he leads her upstairs. "Not like that," he back pedals. "You need to get warm. You need a shower."

Harry turns the handle on the shower and the water comes pouring out. "There we go. I'll go and find you something to wear and then you can jump in and quickly warm up. When you're done, bring your wet stuff down and we'll fling them in the dryer for a bit. Have a cup of coffee, okay?"

She nods and Harry find her some old jogging pants and a t-shirt before leaving her to her shower.

* * *

><p>The kettle has just boiled when Ruth appears in the kitchen, carrying a bundle of her wet clothes.<p>

"I seem to be making a habit of borrowing your clothes."

"Well if I ever have the desire to take up cross-dressing you can return the favour," Harry quips. "It really isn't a problem. They look better on you than me anyway." She blushes at his comment and an awkwardness threatens to fall over us. Harry decides he's not going to let it and pushes on. "Are they for the dryer?" he asks, indicating the clothes in her arms.

"Oh, yes. If it's not too much of an imposition."

He beckons her over to the utility room. "Of course not. Don't be daft." She loads her clothes as he selects the correct setting. "There we go, give it an hour and they'll be perfectly dry again."

"Thanks Harry."

Harry pours them both a coffee. "Don't worry, it's decaf," he tells her and she smiles and although Harry isn't sure why, he's not complaining. Handing her a drink they move to the living room and settle on the couch where she proceeds to tell him about her conversation with her mother.

"I thought it would be bad Harry, but it was much worse than I expected. You'd think I was a teenager the way she was going on."

"What did she say?"

"Quite a lot; it was hard for me to get a word in actually. At first she was annoyed that I hadn't told her before, which I suppose I can understand to a certain extent. Then when she found out about Neil being married and that I was going to raise this baby on my own…well, she was less than convinced I was capable."

He reaches across and grasp her hand in his. "I've told you before; you are going to be a great mother."

She smiles shyly, and for a moment Harry fears she will take her hand back, but she doesn't. This elates him more than it probably should given their conversation last night.

"Thanks. After that, things deteriorated into a full blown row. There was a lot of yelling followed by slamming doors and storming out."

"She left?"

Ruth looks embarrassed now. "No. I did," she mutters and thinks for a moment. "God, I stormed out of my own house. How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic. You're welcome to hide out here for a while if you want. I've nothing pressing on the agenda for today, apart from a walk around the park with Scarlett when the rain dies off. You're more than welcome to join us if you'd like?"

"Thanks Harry, but could we wait until my clothes have dried off; as nice as your clothes are I'd feel more comfortable outside in my own. "

**9**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** More from Ruth's mother in the next chapter too.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Here's another chapter in honour of my birthday! :D

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

_Still Saturday 3__rd__ March 2007_

When Harry pulls his car to a halt outside Ruth's house four hours later, she lets out a small groan. "What's the matter?" he questions.

Ruth points to a blue Volvo parked on the opposite side of the road. "That's my step-father's car."

"They're still here?"

"He wasn't here before. She must have called him."

"What do you want to do?" he asks. "I can turn the car around and-"

"No. I'll have to go in. My mother is an experienced curtain-twitcher; she'll have seen us already." Ruth pauses as she prepares to face her mother again. "Would you…" she begins but trails off, embarrassed.

"You want me to come in with you?"

"Would you? I know it's terribly cowardly but-"

"Nonsense," Harry objects, opening the car door and stepping out. "Come on."

Ruth lets them in and as they are taking their coats off, her mother and step-father appear from the living room.

"Where on earth have you been?" her mother demands, but doesn't wait for an answer. "Running away, hiding. Such a childish thing to do. How can you expect to raise a child of your own if you're going to behave like that?"

Harry sees Ruth's face fall and begins to seethe with anger; all his protective instincts surfacing. "I actually think it was a very sensible thing to do. In her current condition Ruth shouldn't be exposed to stress. She did the best thing for the health and well-being of both herself and her child."

"And who might you be?" Ruth's mother sports a look that Harry is sure has unnerved many over the years, but as someone who has faced the types of people he has, he's not in the least bit intimidated by it. "You can't be the father because he's not involved, apparently. And he's married." Elizabeth practically spits the last word in disgust.

Harry opens his mouth to defend Ruth but she herself gets in first. "This is Harry, he's a…friend." Before her mother can start on another tirade, Ruth continues. "Look Mum, I know you don't agree with my decision to bring this baby up alone but, to be quite frank, it's none of your business. This is my life and my baby. Now you can shout and scream at me all you want but it's not going to change anything and…if you're not happy with that then you know where the door is."

"Right. If that's how you feel. Come along David; we're leaving," she announces, moving past Ruth towards the door.

Ruth's stepfather follows dutifully behind. He reminds Harry of the character of Richard, the hen-pecked husband in Keeping Up Appearances. David, stops when he gets to Ruth and puts his hand on her arm. "Your mother will get used to the idea," he assures. "Congratulations."

"Thanks David," replies Ruth before excusing herself and retreating to the kitchen.

David turns to Harry. "It was nice to meet you Harry. Take care of her."

"I will."

He hands Harry a business card. "If anything happens you'll call, yes?"

"Of course," Harry assures, taking the small card and tucking it into his pocket.

"David!" screeches Elizabeth from outside.

"Sorry but I'd better…" he gestures to the door and Harry nods his understanding. Once he's seen David out, he goes in search of Ruth.

* * *

><p>Entering the kitchen, he finds her leaning forwards against the counter. "Are you okay?"<p>

"I'm fine," she tells him, but he sees the tracks of her tears on her face and knows that she isn't.

"She'll come round."

"Will she? I'm not so sure."

"Your step-father certainly seems to think so."

"That doesn't fill me with confidence. He's lovely but he doesn't have a history of accuracy when it comes to assessments of my mother. I thought if I stood my ground she'd back down. I suppose I should have known better."

"Come here," he beckons, reaching out to her. She's reluctant at first, but the need for comfort outweighs her embarrassment and she runs to him, burying her head in his chest. He rubs comforting circles on her back until her tears subside. "Right, you need to relax," he tells her when she's calm again. "I'm going to run you a bath, then order us some food."

* * *

><p>Ruth emerges from the bathroom to a delicious smell filling the house. She dresses quickly and finds Harry has ordered Chinese. They talk and laugh while they eat, continuing on from the night before. Ruth enjoys spending a second consecutive evening with Harry, but is quick to remind herself not to get too used to it.<p>

The sun sets and the night draws on, neither really noticing until Harry happens to glance at the clock and see it's past ten.

"I'd better get home. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes. Go on. Poor Scarlett will be wondering where you've got to."

Harry shrugs on his coat and Ruth follows him to the door to see him off. "Goodnight Ruth. I'll see you on Monday."

"Goodnight Harry, and thank you."

He places a kiss on her forehead. "Anytime."

* * *

><p><em>Monday 5<em>_th__ March 2007 2.35pm_

Harry emerges from the pods, back from his meeting in Whitehall and heads straight to Ruth's desk. "Have you got the-?"

"Intelligence briefing? Yes, I just finished it," she tells him, handing him the manila folder.

"Have Jo and Ros-"

"Checked in? Twenty minutes ago. No developments. Next check in is due at 1.05." Harry marvels at her ability to finish his sentences. Zaf meanwhile, looks on from his desk, making a mental note to alter the odds slightly on the book.

"Good. Any messages?" Ruth hands him a small stack of notes. "Right. Well, I'll be in my office returning these calls then."

Ruth watches him walk away from her towards his office and sighs. Spending so much time with him over the weekend was wonderful but it wasn't healthy. Yet she knows that if the opportunity ever presents itself again she won't refuse. Maybe she's a masochist, but the pleasure of spending time with him is worth pain of knowing they can't be together the way they both want to be.

Harry sits down at his computer and his expression falls as he looks at his screen. He picks up the phone and stabs a number into the keypad before shouting down the receiver for several minutes. His conversation finished, he slams the phone back into the cradle, picks it up and launches it at the wall, which it hits with an almighty crash. Then he slumps into his chair defeated.

Hearing the commotion, Ruth looks up and is quickly on her feet. She hurries to his office, sliding the door open without knocking. "Harry?" He doesn't look up. "Harry?" she repeats approaching him. It's only when she puts her hand on his shoulder that he realises she's there and lifts his head. "Harry, what's happened?"

"There's been an explosion in Lebanon," he whispers hoarsely. Ruth knew what that meant before Harry uttered his next words; they had only been talking about it at dinner on Friday. "Catherine was in the building."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N1: **A slightly shorter chapter here, but I wanted to post something for you as I'm being whisked away for the weekend tomorrow (birthday present from my fella) and won't be back til Tuesday.

**A/N2**: The events concerning what happened to Catherine and how Harry deals with it are taken from entries in the book, 'Harry's Diary' – although in there they took place after Ruth's departure. For the purposes of this story they are happening 7 months after the dates given in the book. (Also, a truce was called to the conflict in Lebanon in August 2006 but for this story, I'm altering that too. That's one of the benefits of it being fanfiction, right?)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

_Friday 9__th__ March 2007_

Ruth drops the phone back into the cradle with a heavy sigh; Harry has been gone for five days now and she hasn't heard from him; she's sick with worry. After the news about Catherine had come through, he'd taken an immediate leave of absence and boarded the next available flight to Lebanon which was not a stable country at the moment; the fighting between Israel and Hezbollah had been going on for nearly a month.

His last words to Ruth had been to take care of herself and that he would call her as soon as there was news. Malcolm had been tracking Harry but had lost him two days previously just outside Baalbek, the Hezbollah capital. Ever since, Ruth has been contacting every MI-6 officer and every asset who may have knowledge of their whereabouts. So far, nothing.

"No luck?" Ros queries as she perched on the edge of Jo's desk.

"Does it look like it?" Ruth snaps back. "Sorry," she immediately apologises, "No. Our man in Beirut hasn't seen Harry for three days; apparently he had rather a heated altercation with a journalist there, nearly causing a diplomatic crisis. Our guys' words were he was 'like a man possessed'."

"Hardly surprising, given that his daughter could be rotting away somewhere or bleeding to death under a pile of rubble."

"Thanks for that Ros; so much for staying positive," Ruth hisses, standing and almost running across to the pods.

"What was that all about?" asks Adam as he enters.

"No idea," lies Ros with a shrug. "Hormones probably."

* * *

><p><em>Sunday 11<em>_th__ March 2007_

Ruth is asleep when Harry finally calls the following night but she doesn't mind the disturbance. The line is bad, crackling every few seconds but she can hear his voice and it relieves her no end.

"I've found her," he reports. He sounds exhausted but at least he's safe.

"How is she?" Ruth enquires, concerned.

"Stable. She lost a lot of blood and supplies here are low, but they've let me donate so she's got a fighting chance now. They were worried about her legs, but they think they can save them. Her boyfriend Fabien is here too; he's un-injured thankfully."

"That's good. Where are you?"

"A hospital in Beirut, back where I started off. If people had been a bit more helpful along the way, I could have been with her sooner."

"You're talking about Helen Nicholls?" she clarifies, remembering the name of the journalist that the officer from Six had mentioned.

"Have you been spying on me Miss Evershed?" he teases, though she can tell his heart isn't in it.

"Well it is my job," she banters. "Seriously Harry, did you really think we were going to let our Section Head travel to a highly volatile Middle Eastern country and not keep an eye on him?"

"Well I suppose not," he concedes.

"Although you have been off our radar for the past 80 hours. I…I've been worried."

"I'm sorry, I should have called sooner, but I was just completely focussed on finding Catherine and then when I found her she needed my blood and-"

"Harry, you've no need to apologise."

"Maybe not to you, no. But I do have some apologies to make; to Helen Nicholls for one."

"I'm sure she's dealt with many irate people before Harry, it'll be like water off a ducks back to her." The silence on the other end tells Ruth there is more to come. "Harry? Harry what is it?"

"I did something Ruth, something I swore I would never do, and I assure you Ruth, I regret it terribly."

Ruth is worried by his words. "What Harry, what did you do?"

She hears him take a deep breath as he prepares to speak. "I slapped her Ruth. I raised my hand to a woman. I have never done that before and I feel so ashamed."

Ruth is taken aback by his confession; to hit a woman is almost certainly out of character for Harry, but she manages to hide her shock well. "You were scared," she warrants. "Your daughter was hurt and you had absolutely no idea where she was. It's understandable that you may have panicked and lost control."

"My actions were inexcusable," he argues.

"I'm not saying what you did was right, just that I can see how it might have happened." She doesn't agree with his actions but he needs her support right now, and she vows to give it to him; just as he has been her strength for the past four months, she will be his.

"There were other incidences too," he admits, thinking about how he'd behaved with the peacemakers; he'd shouted at everyone in a yellow t-shirt and how he'd disrespectfully ran into a mosque without removing his shoes. "I was-"

"Stop beating yourself up about this Harry. Concentrate on Catherine; we'll deal with the fallout later."

A smile graces Harry's face at her use of 'we'; glad that she's not revolted by his behaviour. "Thanks you Ruth. How are you and 'bump'?"

She chuckles at the nickname her baby has received and rubs her stomach gently. "We're both fine. I think 'bump' fancies himself as the next Johnny Wilkinson though; his kicks are getting stronger."

"You'd better be prepared for cold Sunday mornings standing on touchlines and lots of broken bones then."

"As long as 'bump' is happy in the end, it'll all be worth it."

"Yes it will." Their conversation is interrupted by a second voice at Harry's end. "I'm going to have to go Ruth; the doctor is here to see Catherine."

"Of course."

"I'll call again when I can."

That night, Ruth sleeps properly for the first time in almost a week, her hand resting lovingly over 'bump'.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **The number of reviews seemed to dip for the last chapter – I hope it wasn't due to Harry's actions, because they are considered canon to the Spooks universe (they came from the book, 'Harry's Diary').

Bit of a bumper chapter here for you – the longest yet. (I managed to get some writing done on the train home.) Hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

_Friday 20th April 2007_

Adam leaves Harry's office and strides towards the pods. "Ruth, with me!" he calls.

Ruth grabs her coat and follows him off the Grid. She finds it difficult to keep up with him; in the time Harry has been away her stomach has grown considerably and she struggles with physical exertion. "Adam…can we…slow down," she pants.

He stops and waits for her to catch up. "Sorry."

"It's okay. What's going on?"

"Harry, Catherine and Fabien boarded a plane in Beirut just over four hours ago."

"He's coming home?" Ruth is confused, she'd spoken to him two days previously and he hadn't mentioned it.

"Yes, and we're going to meet him at the airport."

"Why?" Ruth suddenly felt very nervous; she'd be seeing Harry for the first time in six weeks.

"To save him getting a taxi and because I think after the time he's had, he could do with a few friendly faces, don't you? Especially considering his ex-wife will be there."

"Jane?" Ruth squeaks, as they exit Thames House.

"Unless he's got another one he's not told us about," Adam remarks cheekily.

"That's not funny Adam," she chides, but he just grins and holds the car door open for her. She crawls in and Adam follows. "If Jane's meeting them, why has he asked for us as well?"

"He's not."

"Does he even know we're going?"

"Not exactly," Adam admits as the car pulls away. "I told him I'd arrange for someone to meet him; I just didn't specify it would be us."

"Adam…"

"You've been moping around the Grid while he's been away, so the sooner you see him, the sooner that stops. I'm sure he'll want to see you too."

"I've not been moping," she replies indignantly.

"What would you call it then?"

"I was worried. We all were. Lebanon is not a safe place to be, even with the recent ceasefire."

"Hmm. Look Ruth, I know it's not really any of my business and I should probably keep my mouth shut because we've already screwed this up for you both once by gossiping about it, but I can't sit back and watch you waste time any more. Harry cares about you, Ruth; he loves you."

"Adam-" she begins but he ignores her and continues.

"And you love him. You can deny it all you want but it's obvious there's something between the two of you."

"Adam, in case you've haven't noticed, I'm six months pregnant with someone else's child."

"Well it is kind of hard to miss," jokes Adam. Ruth swats him on the arm. "And it's a testament to how much Harry loves you that that doesn't even bother him."

"Adam please don't."

"I just want you to be happy, that's all."

"Then just stop talking about it," she begs. "Please."

Adam sighs. "Okay."

"Thank you," she says before changing the subject. "Now, how's Wes doing at school?"

* * *

><p>Ruth and Adam sit in the terminal waiting for the flight from Beirut. They got there in plenty of time - enough time for a quick cup of coffee, a glance at The Independent, and an investigation of the covers of the latest weekly magazines at the news-stand. Running out of things to-do, Ruth finds herself engaging in some people watching without the aid of a backup team and a surveillance van. It's not the Grand Tour, but it helps to pass the time.<p>

Ruth spots two little girls holding a sign that says "DADDY" in block letters; their Mum trying to clean their smudged faces of the chocolate they must have indulged in while waiting. It breaks her heart that her son will not have that; he'll never wait at the airport in excited anticipation of his father's return. She's accepted the fact that some things will be different for him and most of the time she's okay with it, but there are times when it hurts.

Looking for a distraction, Ruth glances up at the arrivals board; the flight is on time, due to arrive in fifteen minutes. She points this out to Adam and they make their way to the gate. Of course, it's the very last one in the terminal. Nothing easy and convenient for Harry. Excusing herself on the way, Ruth makes a quick stop in the bathroom; not due to a call of nature but to check her make-up and her hair. She's suddenly self-conscious about her appearance and examines herself critically in the mirror. She knows it's silly, especially considering her age and the fact that she's told herself that a relationship with Harry would be a bad idea, but for some reason she can't help it. She re-touches her lip gloss and the fifteen minutes are up; emerging from the ladies she sees the monitor switch from ON TIME to ARRIVED.

Ruth continues to the gate and spots Adam stood with a tall blond woman, who looks about the same age as Harry…Jane. She squares her shoulders and approaches them, standing next to Adam on his other side. Jane looks at her quizzically but the gate opening distracts her from querying her presence.

The first class passengers begin to disembark. Ruth knows that if Harry had his way he'll be the last one off the plane; he likes to sit near the back, where he can be relatively undisturbed. She wonders how he'll react when he realises she's here. That both she and Adam have deserted the Grid to meet him.

Then she sees him; dressed in black slacks, an open neck blue shirt and his beige coat. He and a young man, whom she assumes to be Fabien, flank Catherine at either side, supporting her as she limps slowly off the plane. Jane is elated when she spots them, relieved to have her daughter home safe and sound, and runs to them, enveloping Catherine in a hug. Catherine sags against her mother and they both burst into tears. Ruth watches as Jane pulls back and gives Harry a small smile, placing her hand on his arm and squeezing gently. Harry returns the smile and Ruth turns away, unprepared for the feeling of jealousy that overcomes her. Rationally, she knows that it's nothing more than a gesture of thanks for his efforts to find their daughter and get her home, but still she doesn't like it. It strikes her for the first time that her feelings are not going to go away just because she's chosen not to have a relationship with him.

When she looks back he is scanning the crowds. It's a few seconds before he spots them. His gaze skims past her and Adam in its search for his driver but quickly halts and returns to rest on her in a sort-of double take. He excuses himself from his family and walks towards them. His eyes are warm, yet questioning but he is smiling.

"Am I to take it that your presence here means there are no pressing matters of National Security?" he asks Adam as he approaches.

"Just the usual, but Zaf, Jo and Ros have got it under control." He holds out his hand for Harry to shake. "It's good to have you back in one piece."

"It's good to be back." Harry glances at Ruth and Adam suddenly feels like a third wheel so he excuses himself.

Harry turns to face Ruth. "Hi."

Suddenly, Ruth is overcome by the emotions of the last few weeks and launches herself at him, burying her face in his chest. Her hands have a mind of their own as they slip underneath his coat to grab at the strong muscles of his back. His arms encircle her and hold her to him. When she realises where they are she pulls away abruptly, not wanting to cause a scene.

"Sorry," she apologies a blush rising in her cheeks.

"I'm not," he admits. "It's nice to have been missed. How are you?"

"I feel like a whale," Ruth admits as she glances across the lounge; their hug has piqued Jane's interest and she can feel her questioning gaze. Catherine just wears a knowing smile which leads Ruth to wonder what exactly Harry has told her.

"Nonsense," he admonishes. "You look as radiant as ever. Let me introduce you to Catherine and Fabien."

"I don't know Harry. What about Jane?"

"Catherine wants to meet you. Jane is…inconsequential."

"How flattering," Ruth remarks dryly.

"You know what I mean. Whatever Jane thinks doesn't matter." He puts his hand on the small of her back and leads Ruth over to where Catherine is sitting.

"Hi," she greets. "You must be Ruth. I'd get up but…"

"Don't worry," Ruth assures.

"It's nice to meet you. Dad speaks very highly of you." Ruth blushes. Catherine turns to her Mum. "Could you go and get me a coffee Mum? The stuff they served on the plane was vile."

"I can go?" offers Fabien.

"No," Catherine protests a little too quickly. "You and Dad need to go and wait for the luggage."

"What about you?" asks Jane.

"Ruth can keep me company, can't you?"

"Er…yes, of course."

"Right, that's sorted."

Ruth feels Harry chuckle next to her, and as he bends down to kiss his daughter on the cheek she hears him whisper, "Subtlety never was your strong point. Don't meddle."

Left alone with Catherine Ruth feels a little like the suspect on trial.

"Dad's right, that probably wasn't very subtle, but I wanted to speak to you alone."

"I gathered that. I think I can guess what about."

"Dad doesn't want me to interfere but I want you to know that he cares about you. I'd even go as far as to say he loves you." Ruth isn't surprised by Catherine's bluntness; she is Harry's daughter after-all.

"I know."

"And you? How do you feel about him?" There's no malice in Catherine's voice as one might expect; she's just curious about the woman who has captured her father's heart.

"I…"

"Do you love him?" she asks.

Ruth feels her cheeks redden as she considers her response. "I feel very deeply for him."

"That's not an answer."

"I know, but it's the best I can offer right now. Your father and I have spoken about our… relationship. He understands that starting a relationship right now wouldn't be fair on either of us."

"He doesn't agree," Catherine informs her. Ruth looks up, startled. "Oh don't get me wrong, he respects your decision but he still thinks you're wrong. I know about your…" Catherine searches for the right word, "...situation and it's not put him off, which I think shows exactly how much he loves you."

"You're the second person to say that to me today."

"Maybe there's some truth to it then," Catherine observes.

Ruth doesn't know what it is about the younger woman, maybe it's the need to be reassured by someone close to Harry, but she finds it easy to talk to her about the situation. "People will think I'm taking advantage of his feelings and just looking for a father for my son," she admits, her hand coming to rest lightly on her bump.

"Who cares? Look, if what's happened to me has taught me anything, it's that life is too short. Too short to be scared or to worry about what people think of you. You and Dad will know the truth and that's all that matters. If your friends and family really know you, they'll know it too and if not, well then they're not worth bothering with."

"I…" Ruth trails off as she spots Jane returning with Catherine's drink. "Thanks Catherine. You've given me a lot to think about."

"Do. I want Dad to be happy and I know you're the one to make him so."

As Jane reaches them, Ruth excuses herself to find Adam; with Catherine's words spinning round in her head, making small talk with Harry's ex-wife isn't something she relishes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Please leave a review and let me know what you think! They really do make me write/update faster!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

_Sunday 29__th__ April 2007_

Over the next week, Ruth barely sees Harry either in work or out. He spends his days in meetings catching up with what he's missed and then he visits Catherine in the evenings. This gives her plenty of time to think about Catherine and Adam's words. In fact, some days it is all she thinks about.

Sometimes she pictures herself and Harry in a relationship, happy; living together as a family. Harry treating her son as his own; teaching him to ride a bike and taking him to his first rugby match. Other times her outlook is worse; she imagines losing him after he comes to resent her having someone else's child. Her son crying because Harry's not there anymore; the break-up of his 'parents' tearing him apart; leaving him heartbroken because 'Daddy' doesn't even visit. The result is she's more confused than ever when Harry knocks on her door unexpectedly on the Sunday morning whilst out walking Scarlett.

"Hi," she greets, curious as to why he's stood on her doorstep.

"Hi." He holds out a neatly wrapped present and card and suddenly the reason for his visit becomes clear. "Happy Birthday."

She takes the present from him with a smile. "Thank you. Although I'm slightly disappointed there are no cryptic clues to lead me to it this year," she teases, referring to his hiding of Ovid behind the water cooler for her previous birthday. The year before that, she'd come back from lunch to find her presents hidden in her desk.

"Well, I thought it was about time I delivered a birthday present personally."

Ruth chuckles. "Do you want to come in?"

"I don't want to impose. I'm sure you've got plans and I've got Scarlett…" He trails off, not wanting to find any more excuses in case he stumbles upon one that she agrees with. He wants to accept her invitation, of course he does; he just doesn't want to appear too eager.

"I've no plans actually; it's just me and the TV, and Scarlett is more than welcome; as long as she doesn't mind facing Fidget."

Ruth steps aside to let them in and Harry removes his coat while Ruth bends down to pet Scarlett. She unclips her lead and the dog trots off exploring her new surroundings, Harry and Ruth following behind. When they enter the living room, Fidget approaches and both animals stand their ground, staring for a few moments before Fidget decides Scarlett isn't worth the effort and returns to his place on the windowsill.

"That could have gone worse," Harry observes as he sits down, Scarlett settling at his feet.

"It could," Ruth agrees. "Do you want a drink? Tea? Coffee?" She looks at her watch. "Bit early for whiskey but I'm sure there's some in if you'd like one."

Harry shakes his head. "What I want Ruth, is for you to sit down and open your present."

"Oh. Right. Yes." She sits on the opposite end of the sofa and turns the present over in her hands, sliding her fingers into the join of the wrapping paper. She delicately removes the paper, revealing several gifts. The first, a framed photograph of her both of her ultrasound scans. "Harry, I…where did you even get these?" She thought she had the only copies.

"I'm a Spook Ruth. I have my ways." He didn't tell her that he had also acquired copies for himself and that one had taken up residence in his wallet; he didn't know quite how she'd take that. "The blank space is for when he finally arrives. His first photograph."

Ruth nods in understanding. "It's lovely."

The second item is a book of baby names. "I know you might have already thought of a name now; I bought that before I had to go away. But, I thought it might still be useful?"

"I have thought of a first name actually but I'm struggling with a middle name so maybe this will help."

"Can I ask what you've chosen?"

"Of course. I'm going to call him James."

Harry takes the book from her, flicks to the appropriate page and begins to read. "James. From the Latin 'Iacobus', it means 'he who supplants'."

"Very interesting, but to me it's much more personal. It was my father's name."

"Of course. Sorry."

Ruth doesn't tell him that she knows it's his middle name too and that she wanted to acknowledge in some way the support he had given her.

"There's still another present," Harry prompts.

Ruth picks up the long velvet box and gently opens it. She lets out a gasp when her eyes rest on the contents. "Oh, Harry."

Nestled on the cushion is a white gold necklace with a tear drop shaped diamond pendant hanging on it. "I wanted to get you something that wasn't related to the baby as well," Harry explains.

"Harry, I can't possibly accept this."

"Why on earth not?" he asks.

"It's too much. God knows how much it must have cost you."

"Nonsense." Harry takes the box from her and removes the necklace from its cushion. He holds the necklace up and indicates for her turn around. She does so, lifting her hair out of the way. He dangles the chain over her head before fastening the clasp behind her neck and placing the metal gently against her skin. She shivers as his fingers brush against the nape of her neck. This involuntary reaction doesn't go unnoticed by Harry. He skims her shoulders and rubs his hands down her arms eliciting more shivers. Leaning in close enough that she can feel his breath on her neck he whispers, "I want you to have it Ruth. Please."

Being in such close proximity to Ruth is tempting Harry immensely. He wants nothing more than to drop his lips to her skin of her collarbone and kiss her, but he'd promised to let her lead this…whatever 'this' was.

Their closeness is having an effect on Ruth too; as his breath caresses her skin she lets out a small whimper. The noise she makes is Harry's undoing; he can't resist her any longer. He lowers his head and allows his lips to brush across her soft skin. She gasps slightly but doesn't pull away. Harry continues kissing her, working his way up the side of her neck. She leans back into him; encouraging him and moaning softly each time his lips connect with her skin. When he reaches her ear, he nibbles it gently before pulling back; he has to check she is okay with this. "Do you want me to stop?" he breathes.

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><p><strong>AN:** Sorry for the cliffhanger. I'll try not to make you wait too long for the next chapter – I'll try and get it posted before school starts back on Monday!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Well, I promised you I'd try and update again before school appeared and look…I've managed to keep my promise! :D I hope you like it…I think you will!

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

_Previously…_

_Their proximity is having an effect on Ruth too, as his breath caresses her skin she lets out a small whimper. The noise she makes is his undoing; he can't resist her any longer. He lowers his head and allows his lips to brush across her soft skin. She gasps slightly but doesn't pull away. Harry continues kissing her, working his way up the side of her neck. She leans back into him; encouraging him and moaning softly each time his lips connect with her skin. When he reaches her ear, he nibbles it gently before pulling back; he has to check she is okay with this. "Do you want me to stop?" he breathes. _

It takes all of Ruth's self-control to utter her next words. "Not really, but you probably should."

"Why?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair of me to lead you on." Harry does as she asks and shuffles away from her. Ruth instantly feels bereft at the loss and curses herself for not being able to just go with it. She looks at Harry and feels guilty too; he isn't hiding his disappointment as well as he probably thinks he is. "Harry, I'm so sorry."

"What on earth for? I'm the one who should be sorry Ruth. You made your position quite clear and…"

"But my position isn't 'clear' Harry." She sighs before whispering, "I don't know what to do for the best. I thought I had it all figured out but…"

"Ruth, if there's any confusion about how you feel then we shouldn't do this."

"I know how I feel," she admits shyly. "I've known for a while. It's just…complicated."

"Because of the baby?" he asks. Ruth nods. "I've told you that doesn't bother me."

"How can it not? I slept with someone else!"

"We weren't together, Ruth." Harry reasons. "As much as it hurt me to know you'd done it, you were free to do so."

"I only went out with him to distract myself from you," she admits quietly.

"What?" Harry is shocked by her confession; they have spoken about Neil before but only briefly and Ruth has never given any insight into her reasons for their relationship.

"Even though I'd finished our relationship before it had even really begun, the way I felt about you didn't change. I was just too embarrassed by everyone talking about me…about us. So I started seeing Neil; I was trying to get over you and move on, but deep down I knew it wouldn't last. Finding out he was married just brought it to a quicker end. I didn't even want to sleep with him, it-"

"Did he force you?" Harry asks through gritted teeth; anger burning through him at the thought of someone hurting Ruth.

"No! No, it was perfectly consensual, apart from me having had too much to drink. I don't think it would have happened if I'd been sober. I know it wouldn't have. I was so stupid and I'm truly sorry."

"You don't need to apologise."

"I do, Harry."

"No you don't. I'm not going to lie to you; I was shocked when you first told me you were pregnant. I still held out hope for us and I hated the thought that you'd…been intimate with someone else so soon after we had been out."

"See. That's what I mean about it bothering you. I-"

Harry raises his hand to stop her. "But," he emphasises, "that soon dissipated Ruth, replaced by an overwhelming urge to take care of you…and the baby." He grasps both her hands in his and shifts closer to her once more. He takes a deep breath as he prepares to tell her how he feels for the first time. "I have to tell you something; I should have told you years go. I love you Ruth. I'm certain of it. And I know that I will love your son too because he is part of you."

Ruth gasps at his declaration. She'd suspected his feelings ran into love, she'd been told as much by Catherine and Adam, but it was entirely different to hear it from him. Wounded at her lack of positive reaction, Harry drops her hands and stands to leave. Ruth rises to meet him. "Where are you going?"

"I've said too much, Ruth. I-"

Dismayed at the prospect of him leaving, Ruth throws caution to the wind and makes a decision there and then. Moving towards him she whispers, "No Harry, I've think you've said just enough."

She places her hands on his chest and Harry prays that she doesn't feel how fast his heart is beating due to a mixture of nerves and anticipation. She does notice, but the speed of his heart matches her own so she doesn't care. Slowly, she stretches to press her mouth to his. The kiss is nervous at first; their noses bump as neither knows which way to tilt their head, but as they begin to feel more at ease with each other it becomes slow and loving. Harry moves his hands to her face, cupping her cheeks as she wraps her arms around his neck and presses her body to him. She closes her eyes in pleasure at the sensations that his tongue is causing as it swipes across her lips. She lets out a sigh and he seizes the opportunity to allow his tongue to explore her mouth; slowly and sensually dancing with hers. They kiss like this for several minutes before breaking apart; foreheads resting against one another.

"Ruth," Harry begins, "If you are unsure please tell me now. I couldn't bear to find out three or six months down the line."

Ruth strokes his cheek. "Harry. I love you too. I have for a long time. It took me a while to realise it and even longer to admit it to myself and by the time I had I was already pregnant and I didn't think I could deal with the complications that a relationship could bring."

"What changed?"

"When you were in Lebanon, I realised how much I missed you; how much I want you. Want us. I can't carry on keeping you at arm's length, it's too hard. I can't promise it will work out, but if you can accept me as I am; a fat, hormonal wreck then I want to try being with you."

"I've told you before, you're not fat."

"I notice you're not arguing with 'hormonal'," she observes.

"Ruth, this week alone you've burst into tears after spilling the tiniest bit of coffee and practically ripped Zaf's head off for tapping his pen on his desk. I'd say the evidence speaks for itself," he teases. "Despite all that, yes, I want to be with you." He punctuates his point with a small kiss on her lips, before sitting back down on the sofa, Ruth curling into his side.

"I want you to know that I don't expect anything from you with regards to the baby."

"I plan on treating this baby as if he was my own…providing you'll let me."

Ruth cranes her neck to look at him. "Harry I can't ask that of you!"

"You're not. I'm offering. But if it makes you uncomfortable…"

"I don't know Harry. See, these are the complications I mentioned before. The reasons we shouldn't be doing this."

Harry decides to cut her off before she talks herself out of the recent development in their relationship. "Okay. We'll just play it by ear. Or to coin Adam's favourite phrase, we'll let things just 'crinkle out'." Harry makes a disgusted face as he utters the words, causing Ruth to chuckle slightly. "We don't have to make any decisions now. We'll take things nice and slowly. You're still leading this, Ruth."

She nods in understanding. "There's something else."

"I thought there might be," he admits, earning him a swat on the arm.

"I want to keep this quiet. For now."

"Ashamed of me?" he jokes, but Ruth's glare tells him under no uncertain terms that it's not a laughing matter. He ducks his head remorsefully. "Sorry."

"The gossip was bad enough before; it'll be ten times worse now. I don't want people to think I'm trapping you into this relationship just so my son has a father."

"It's not really any of their business," he reminds her before agreeing to her request. "Okay, we won't say anything. I'd like to tell Catherine though. She'll inevitably ask and I don't want to lie to her."

Ruth considers this for a moment and remembers Catherine's words from the previous week. "Of course you can tell her. She's your daughter after all. She'll be pleased, I think, if our conversation at the airport was anything to go by."

"I meant to apologise for that. Catherine can be a little blunt when she wants to be."

"Don't. She gave me a lot to think about. We might not be here now if it wasn't her."

"I must remember to thank her then." A comfortable silence falls over them and they sit for a few moments before Harry rises and pulls her to her feet. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"It's your birthday remember, and as you've got no plans, I'm taking you out for lunch."

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><p><strong>AN:** Can't possibly even guess when the next update will be. Things are about to get hectic for me. Please be patient with me; I'll update when I can.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! NatesDate, I think you are psychic; it's truly scary with some of the things you keep saying in your reviews! Maybe we're just very similar thinkers. Anyway...here's the next chapter. We've jumped on about 5 or 6 weeks in this!

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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

Ruth papers the last of the classic Winnie the Pooh border to the nursery wall and stands back to admire her work. Harry had painted the room for her over the last few weeks but she wanted to feel like she had contributed somehow so had decided to put up the border herself. It was halfway up the wall, so required no stepladders or strenuous activity of any kind, which was the only reason Harry had agreed to it. The nursery was coming on nicely, the walls and carpet were finished, and half of the furniture in place. The cot and changing table were still unassembled in boxes in the corner of the room; Harry said they were next on his list.

Ruth smiles as she thinks about Harry. How wonderful he's been throughout her pregnancy but especially in the last few weeks since they declared their feelings. He's courted her; taking her out on several occasions. He's bought her dinner, taken her to the ballet and the opera, as well as cooked for her when she felt like staying in. He's been at every doctor's and midwife's appointment that she's had, helped transform her box room into a nursery, massaged her aching back and put up with her mood swings. He's also been a perfect gentleman; he hasn't tried to rush the physical aspect of their relationship. They'd had an incredibly awkward conversation about sex about a week after deciding to try at a relationship, where she'd told him that she wanted to wait until after she'd had the baby before sleeping with him for the first time. He said he understood completely and despite them having engaged in quite a few heavy petting sessions since, he's never tried to change her mind. He's just slowed them down without complaint when things got too passionate.

Part of her wishes it didn't have to be this way, that they could just have a normal relationship. Although, she thinks with a chuckle, when has anything in their lives ever been normal? The doorbell sounds, rousing her from her introspection and she pads slowly down the stairs to answer it. She opens the door a fraction and peers out, shaken to see who stands on the other side.

"Neil?"

"I was in the neighbourhood and I wondered if you wanted to grab a drink."

"I don't think so." She moves to close the door but he wedges his foot in the gap and forces it back open, pushing his way past her into the hall. Previously, her body had been hidden and it's only now that he gets a proper look at her. His eyes go from her face to her rounded stomach before shooting back up. "You're pregnant," he observes.

"Yes," Ruth

Neil becomes flustered. "I…is it mine?"

"Of course it's yours. Unlike you I don't make a habit of sleeping with anyone I can get my hands on!" she hisses.

"Why the hell didn't you get rid of it? Jesus! I can't deal with this! I don't want kids. I can't be a father; my wife will kill me."

"You should have thought about that before cheating on her then shouldn't you? But it's irrelevant anyway, because I don't want you involved in this baby's life."

"You're going to raise it on your own?" Ruth didn't answer; she didn't want to drag Harry into this argument. Luckily, Neil took her silence as confirmation. "Are you mad? Growing up in a single parent household is not good for a child. They end up damaged, juvenile delinquents."

"I'll be a good mother," she protests vehemently.

"Oh you think?" scoffs Neil. "On your own with a baby that cries all day and all night, surviving on three hours sleep and no social life. It'll drive you round the bend. And what are you going to do for money? I give you six months tops before you're ringing me, begging me for help and child support. I don't need that cloud hanging over me. I want you to do us both a favour and give the stupid child up for adoption."

"What? How dare you! How dare you come in here and tell me what to do with my baby."

"Our baby," he corrects and Ruth feels sick to her stomach. "You know I'm right Ruth; it'll be better for everyone."

"Get out!" she yells. "Get out of my house. I never want to see you again!"

"Alright. I'll go, but I'll be back, when you've had time to reconsider."

He leaves and Ruth slams the front door behind him before leaning back against it as the tears roll down her cheeks. She sobs for a good five minutes before reminding herself that she's got Harry and that Neil's opinion is worthless and therefore isn't worth getting upset over. As she stands up straight, she feels a dull ache start in her lower back and shoot round to her front, its intensity increasing. She shuts her eyes tightly as the level of pain quickly escalates and she doubles over, clutching her stomach.

She forces herself away from the door and stumbles to reach for the phone on the cabinet in the hallway, knowing that she probably needs to see a doctor, just to make sure nothing is amiss. She dials the ever familiar number, 02079460830 and when asked for the call sign instantly gives Harry's. It just rings out; by the time his voicemail cuts in the pain has eased off. She doesn't leave a message. She tries his mobile. No luck there either; it's switched off. She redials the first number but this time gives a different call sign.

"Hello?"

"Jo, it's Ruth."

"Hi Ruth." Jo greets cheerfully. "Don't tell me…you're bored at home and you want to come in to work for a few hours. Harry warned us you would and he also threatened us all with exile if any of us dare to let you. You've only been on maternity leave for three days; you've got to give yourself time to adjust. I'm sure it will get easier."

"No, no. It's not that. Is Harry around?"

"No he's in a JIC meeting."

Ruth sighs. "Do you know what time he'll be back?"

"You know those meetings Ruth; they can go on for hours. Is everything okay?

"It's…" Ruth begins but she cuts off as another round of pain overcomes her and a wetness seeps through her trousers, making her certain of what's happening.

"Ruth? What's wrong?"

"The baby," she grimaces through the pain. "I think the baby's coming.

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><p><strong>AN:** Apologies for yet another cliff-hanger! You know you love me really...


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_Still Tuesday 5__th__ June 2007…_

Jo rushes into the maternity unit at the hospital and approaches the desk. Zaf had called an ambulance for Ruth from the Grid and Jo had stayed on the phone with her until the paramedics had arrived, before making her way to the hospital.

"Excuse me," Jo addresses the receptionist. "I'm looking for Ruth Evershed. She was brought in by ambulance."

"And you are?"

"A friend."

"We normally only allow the baby's father in."

"Well he's not around and Ruth wants me with her. Go and ask her if you like," challenges Jo, annoyed by the older woman's attitude.

The receptionist types a few details into the computer. "Your name?"

"Jo."

"Full name?" she presses.

"Joanna Portman."

"Address?"

Jo looks at the nurse disbelievingly. "You are joking. Why do you need to know that?"

"It's for the records."

Jo sighs and gives her address as well as answering a lot of other inane questions.

"Okay. Miss Evershed is in room five."

"Thank you for your help," Jo replies sarcastically before rushing to Ruth's room. She can hear Ruth crying and pleading with the nurses from outside the door.

"I can't be in labour. It's too soon. Please, can't you do anything to stop it?"

"I'm sorry Ruth, but it's happening too fast."

"First babies are supposed to take an age. That's what all the books say."

"Well, your son seems to disagree. He is most definitely on his way."

"But I'm not due for another month!" she cries.

"Don't worry Ruth. Hundreds of babies are born at 36 weeks and very few have any complications. You need to stay calm."

"She's right Ruth," agrees Jo, entering the room and approaching her friend's side.

"Jo!" Ruth exclaims before looking past her as if she was expecting someone to follow her in. "Where's Harry?"

"Adam's on it. Don't worry, he'll be here soon." The truth is Jo doesn't know when Harry will arrive, but she knows she has to keep Ruth calm so she tells a little white lie and prays that Adam is quick getting in contact with Harry.

* * *

><p>Adam stands in the centre of the Grid, the phone pressed to his ear. He is on hold with the Foreign Office waiting to be patched through to someone who can hopefully get a message to Harry. So far he has been passed to three different people none of whom have been any use. They've just passed him onto someone else. Thankfully, the annoying rendition of Beethoven's 5th Symphony is cut off and a woman with an extraordinarily high-pitched voice replaces it.<p>

"Good afternoon, Foreign Office. Margaret Flack speaking."

"Yes. Hello. This is Adam Carter from MI-5 Section D. I need to speak to Sir Harry Pearce immediately."

"I'm afraid the JIC meeting is still in progress," comes the response from the person on the other end, "and it's not possible for me to interrupt unless it's an emergency."

"It is an emergency."

"Is it a matter of national security?"

"No, but-"

"Then I'm afraid you will have to wait for the meeting to finish. Goodbye." Adam slams the phone back into its cradle and runs his hands through his hair.

"No luck?" asks Zaf.

Adam shakes his head. "Bloody bureaucracy at every turn."

"So what do we do now?"

"We need to find him. You heard what Jo said about Ruth, she's petrified. We all know Harry is the only one who will be able to calm her down." Despite Harry and Ruth's attempts to keep the change in their relationship under wraps the team have noticed subtle changes, especially since Harry's return from Lebanon. No one mentions it, in fear of a repeat of last time, but they are all secretly hopeful that their colleague and their boss have finally come to their senses. Adam considers Zaf's comment for a moment before picking up his jacket and heading towards the pods.

"Adam?" Zaf calls after him.

"I'm going down there and getting Harry out of that meeting if it's the last thing I do," he yells back.

* * *

><p>Jo stands by Ruth's bedside, trying to comfort her in the best way she can. Unfortunately, Ruth isn't in any mood to be comforted. Well, not by Jo anyway. From one moment to the next she passes between docile compliance to enraged defiance. The change always comes about the same time as the beginning and ending of a contraction.<p>

"Okay, Ruth," declares the midwife." You're almost fully dilated. It'll soon be time to push. I'll come back and check on you in a few minutes."

"Where…the hell…is Harry?" Ruth growls as another contraction hits her.

"Adam's trying to get hold of him," Jo reminds her. "But it's not easy as I'm sure you know. No phones allowed in JIC meetings and trying to get into one unauthorised is harder than escaping Alcatraz."

"Yes, thank you… I _did_ know all that…I've not managed to be…his senior analyst…for four…years without picking…bits up." Jo winces at her tone, but reminds herself of the amount of pain her friend was in. Ruth realises that she has snapped and feels guilty. "I'm sorry Jo. Here you are being a wonderful friend and all I can do is bitch at you."

Jo chuckles. "I think a little bitchiness is allowed, given the circumstances." Ruth smiles at her friend and Jo chances a question about her relationship with Harry. "Speaking of Harry..."

Ruth knew this would come up eventually, especially with her insisting on having Harry at her side for the birth, but she is saved from answering as a gut-wrenching pain spreads through her abdomen; another contraction. They're closer and more intense now. Once the contraction stops, she turns to Jo. "Whatever you want to know about me and Harry, just ask. I'm not in the mood for guessing games."

"Okay. Is the baby his?" Jo has been dying to ask this question ever since Ruth had announced her pregnancy, not believing the story Ruth had fed her about being duped into sleeping with a married man

"What? No. I told you that I had a brief relationship with someone in September and October of last year."

Jo shrugs. "You could have been lying."

"Believe me, I wish I had been. At least then I wouldn't have had to deal with the tosser turning up at my house this afternoon."

"When?"

"Just before my labour started. Things got a little heated. He wants me to give the baby up for adoption."

"How dare he?"

"I told him where to go but I'm not sure he'll back down that easily though."

"I wouldn't worry about that. When Harry finds out, I'm sure he'll find a way of dealing with him."

Another contraction swept over Ruth and cries out in pain. "I need…to push."

"I'll get someone." Jo disappears into the corridor and returns moments later with the midwife.

She examines Ruth and declares that she is indeed ready to push at which point both Ruth and Jo have the same thought; Harry had better hurry up.

* * *

><p>Adam enters the outer chamber of the JIC conference room and is faced with a short, portly woman in her late forties behind a desk, whom he assumes is Margaret Flack. The door behind which the meeting is being held is guarded by a large, burly uniformed officer. Adam approaches the desk.<p>

"Can I help you?" Margaret asks.

"I'm Adam Carter. We spoke on the phone earlier."

Margaret sighs. "As I told you then, Mr Carter, I cannot possibly interrupt the meeting unless it is a matter of National Security. Mr Mace will not allow it."

"You don't understand. I have some personal news for Sir Harry that needs to be delivered immediately."

"And you don't understand that it is not within my remit to enter that room whilst a meeting is in session."

"Okay. Fine." Adam turns away from her and approaches the door.

The security guard steps forward. "I'm sorry sir. You're not cleared for admission."

"Oh come on, I only want to deliver a message."

"I'm sorry. I cannot allow you to do that."

"Is that so?"

"I'm afraid it is sir."

"Then I'm sorry," apologises Adam before punching the security guard in the face and rushing at the door. As he bursts into the meeting room, the security guard hot on his heels, Oliver Mace is in mid-flow.

"And that brings us to item five on the agenda; the interrogation of-" The sound of the door being flung open cuts him off. "What on earth is going on?" he shouts as the security guard manages to finally get hold of Adam.

"He punched me sir and forced his way in," the guard says. Harry looks at Adam, a fierce questioning look on his face.

"Mr Carter! Explain yourself at once!" demands Mace.

"I'm sorry for my means of entry and indeed for interrupting your meeting but I need to speak to Sir Harry."

All eyes of the JIC turn to Harry. He narrows his eyes as he addresses his Section Chief "Whatever this is, couldn't it have waited until I was back on the grid?"

"Not really, no. It's…" Adam searches for a way to tell Harry what's happened without actually using Ruth's name; he didn't want to draw the attention of the higher echelons of power to Harry and Ruth's relationship status.

"Yes?" Harry asks, becoming impatient with his officer.

"It's a personal matter." Adam tries to convey with his eyes the seriousness of the situation and Harry must take something from him as he turns to the assembled members of the JIC and excuses himself, following Adam back out into the corridor. Hearing the door shut behind them Adam turns to Harry. "It's Ruth. She's having the baby."

The colour drains from Harry's face as Adam's words sink in. "But she's not due for another month!"

"I know. But she is most definitely in labour. Jo's with her but Harry, she's asking for you."

Harry turns to Mace's secretary. "Mrs Flack? Could you give my apologies to the rest of the committee? Something rather urgent has come up and I'm afraid I have to go." With that he follows Adam out to the waiting car, which speeds off in the direction of St Mary's.

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><p><strong>AN:** Will Harry make it to the hospital in time? Hmm. Ruth's labour is progressing quickly and the traffic in London can be horrendous at times…what do you think?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_Still Tuesday 5__th__ June 2007…._

"Okay, Ruth I can see the head. On the next contraction you need to give me a big push okay?" the midwife instructs.

"I can't…I can't do this anymore!" Ruth sobs, leaning back into the pillows defeated.

"Yes you can," Jo encourages. "You've just got to remember to breath. Breathe through it."

"I'm tired Jo. I'm tired and I'm scared. I can't have this baby now. It's not time. The nursery isn't ready. I'm not ready."

"It doesn't look like you've got much choice," comes Harry's voice from the doorway.

Ruth looks up as he approaches the bed. "Where the hell have you been?"

Harry is prevented from answering as Ruth is hit by the next contraction and grabs his hand tightly.

"Okay, Ruth. Deep breath and PUSH!" the midwife reminds her.

Ruth pushes as hard as she can and lets out a deafening scream that distresses Harry immensely; he hates seeing Ruth in pain.

"Okay, the baby is crowning," declares the midwife.

"That's it Ruth. You're doing brilliantly," encourages Harry, brushing the hair from her damp forehead. Jo watches her boss take care of her friend and the shift in their relationship suddenly becomes obvious. They are completely in love, and Jo doesn't need confirmation from either of them. As much as she wants to stay and help Ruth through her labour, Jo realises that she isn't needed and decides to leave. Ruth has Harry now; the one person she's wanted since the labour started. Harry notices Jo move towards the door and offers her an appreciative smile before turning back to Ruth and reminding her how to breathe.

"Keep pushing Ruth. Just for a little longer. Push right down into your bottom," calls the midwife.

"Aaaaaaaaargh!" screams Ruth before collapsing back onto the bed.

"That's it Ruth. Well done; the head is out. One more push should do it. On the next contraction okay?"

"I can't," she whimpers. "I can't."

"Yes you can," Harry asserts before leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Hells bells Ruth, you are the most amazing woman I know. You can speak six languages, hack into almost any institution in the world with ease and you play piano and violin. You can do this!"

"It hurts so much."

"I know sweetheart but it's nearly over. One more push Ruth and you'll be holding your son in your arms."

"Here it comes," Ruth moans.

"Okay Ruth. One big push," reminds the midwife. "Ready? And PUSH!"

Ruth pulls herself up of the pillows and leans forward, pushing with all her strength. Harry holds her hand, encouraging her constantly.

"That's it. He's nearly out."

"You're doing brilliantly Ruth. Just a little longer," urges Harry. Ruth pushes for a few more seconds before the pain disappears and her baby is born. She lies back on the bed with a sigh. "Well done Ruth," praises Harry, kissing the top of her head. "I am so proud of you."

It's only when Harry stops speaking that Ruth notices the silence in the room. "He's not crying. What's wrong with him? Is he okay?"

The midwives instantly reassure her. "He's fine, don't worry. We're just giving him a little rub to wake him up a little bit."

"Harry?" Ruth is scared; the books say babies are supposed to cry when they're born.

"It's okay Ruth, you heard them. He's fine."

Ruth forces herself to sit up again, so she can see what's going on. The midwives are rubbing him up and down with a towel. "Why isn't he cr-" she begins to ask, but is cut off by the sound of her son's cries filling the room. She sighs with immense relief as the midwife places him on her chest. Her arms instinctively curl around her son, cradling him.

"There we are. Would Dad like to cut the cord" the midwife asks Harry.

Ruth and Harry tear their eyes away from the baby to share a look and mutually decide that now's not really the time to try and explain the semantics of their situation. Harry's eyes search Ruth's; silently asking her permission. She nods gently and he takes the scissors from the midwife and cuts as directed in between the clamps on the umbilical cord.

"He's gorgeous, Harry."

"Takes after his Mum," Harry asserts softly. "Still set on James for him?"

Ruth nods. "James Daniel."

Harry smiles at the middle name she has chosen; a tribute to a valued colleague who is still much missed. He leans over and places a chaste kiss on Ruth's lips. They break apart as the midwife approaches. "Ruth, we need to take him for a couple of minutes and clean him up a bit. He needs to be checked over by the doctor too."

"Why?"

"It's just a precaution; because he's premature."

"Is it because he didn't cry?"

"That can happen with fast deliveries; they're not stimulated as much because it all happens so quickly; that's why he looks a little blue, but don't worry he wasn't deprived of oxygen at any point during your labour; his colour will come in a few minutes." She hold her arms out to take James and Ruth reluctantly hands him over to the midwife who passes him to the doctor before returning her attention to Ruth. "When he's been checked over, we'll leave you in peace so you can get to know your son."

* * *

><p>Jo and Adam are waiting nervously in the corridor, Jo pacing up and down in front of Adam who has taken a seat in one of the chairs.<p>

"Do you think it's over?" Jo asks.

"Hasn't been any screaming in a good…" he looks at his watch, "fifty minutes so probably. Someone will come out and let us know soon enough. If you were that bothered, you should have stayed with her."

"She didn't need me once Harry arrived. They're together you know; I could see it in there as clear as day." Jo knows she shouldn't be gossiping about them but she needs to share her discovery with someone

"I thought as much. I'll say one thing, it's about bloody time," remarks Adam.

"It's an amazing thing he's doing, taking on someone else's child like that."

"Not really. Not when you consider how much he loves her."

"How much who loves who?" asks Harry, emerging from the delivery suite looking a little dishevelled but delighted. Ruth is giving James his first feed and, not wanting to embarrass Ruth, he has excused himself to deliver the news of his birth to Jo and Adam.

"Erm…Jason and Katie from Section F," replies Adam, startled by Harry's sudden appearance.

Harry doesn't look convinced but before he can pull them up on it, Jo jumps in. "Well?"

"It's a boy. James Daniel Evershed. 6lb 5ozs. He's a little small, but the doctors are happy with him." Jo clasps her hand to her chest with excitement.

"Have they any idea what caused her to go into early labour?" asks Adam.

"Not that they've said."

"Probably the stress of the argument," Jo offers. At Harry's look of confusion she realises she's put her foot in it and tries to backtrack. "I mean..."

"What argument?" Harry questions, his tone clipped.

"It was probably nothing; I've most likely got the wrong end of the stick."

"Miss Portman, I suggest that you tell me exactly what's going on. Unless you have a burning desire to be posted to the far reaches of Siberia within the next 4 hours?"

Jo looks down at her feet as she hesitantly fills Harry in on Ruth's altercation with Neil, only a few hours previously.

"Right, that's it. Adam, get back to the Grid and find out everything you can about Neil Chadwick. I think he and I need to have a little chat."

"Harry-"

"Do it," Harry orders. "Or so help me, it will be you on a plane to distant shores."

Adam nods. "Tell Ruth I said congratulations. I'll pop by and see her soon."

Once he has left, Harry turns to Jo. "Ruth's asked to see you, but before you go in I just wanted to say thank you." Jo looks at him quizzically. "For being there for Ruth; for staying with her."

Jo gives him a pointed look. "Well I wasn't her first choice of birthing partner, but I think I made a pretty good stand in until he arrived."

"You did a great job. You never know, it might even come up in your next pay review."

Jo scoffs. "I'd like to see how you'd justify that one."

"Oh, I'm sure I'd find a way. Now get in there; she'll be wondering where you are." Jo moves past him to enter the delivery suite but he stops her with a hand on her arm as another thought strikes him. "Oh and Jo, not a word to Ruth about this Neil business."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Did you really think I'd let Harry miss it? The question now is, what's he going to do about Neil. You shouldn't have to wait too long to find out. I don't think it will be in the next chapter; I think we need some Harry/Ruth/James stuff first, but the chapter after that should suit.

Oh and NatesDate, you did it again – with the baby's middle name. I'd already decided what it was going to be when you left that review to chapter 13, but I couldn't say anything as I didn't want to give it away!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_Still Tuesday 5__th__ June 2007…_

Harry ambles down the stairs, making his way out of the hospital. Ruth has asked him to ring her mother and let her know about the baby. She still isn't enthralled at the prospect of Ruth becoming a mother, but Ruth feels it only right that she should know her Grandson has been born. He wants to ring Catherine too; she is pleased that he and Ruth are testing the boundaries of a romantic relationship and is constantly asking questions about Ruth and the baby whenever he speaks with her.

He knows that he could probably have gotten away with using his mobile in the hospital but he also wants to get some fresh air. Having missed the birth of his own two children he is a little overwhelmed to have been part of such an amazing experience. When the midwife had called him 'Dad' he had allowed himself to believe, for a few seconds at least, that that was what he was. Despite his offer of treating the baby as his own, he knows Ruth still isn't sure. It takes a lot for Ruth to put her heart on the line, to risk getting hurt and now she is responsible for another person too it is even more difficult for her to do. She is scared that he will come to resent the child for not being his, he knows that, but he wishes he could make her see how much he loves her and therefore, by default if you will, loves James too. He resolves to keep showing her how much they both mean to him until it's so obvious she can't help but see it.

Taking out his phone, he sits down on a bench and dials the number he's programmed into it for just this occasion. It isn't long before someone answers.

"Hello, David Shaw speaking."

"David, it's Harry Pearce. We met at Ruth's house back in April. You gave me your card to call you if anything happened."

"Of course. Is something wrong?" The poor man sounds panicked and Harry can feel his love and concern for his step-daughter even over the phone. Exactly like he himself will be with James.

"Ruth went into premature labour this afternoon."

"Oh my goodness!" Harry hears David calling to Ruth's mother, beckoning her to him before he returns his attention to Harry. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. They both are. She had a little boy at 3.28. James Daniel, 6lb 5ozs."

David relates the information to his wife, who seems nonplussed by the whole situation. "That's wonderful news," he says.

"They're in St Mary's hospital. I'm not sure how long for, but the midwife seemed to think a couple of days at least."

"Right, we'll probably drive down tomorrow. Thank you for calling Harry. We appreciate it."

Harry isn't convinced that Elizabeth appreciates it at all but he keeps these thoughts to himself as he hangs up and rings Catherine.

"Hello?" It's not Catherine that answers; it's Jane. Although relations with his ex-wife have defrosted slightly since his little excursion to Lebanon to rescue their daughter, he still doesn't relish encounters with her.

"Hello Jane."

"Harry?" She sounds surprised to hear his voice. "How are you?" She is asking out of civility; not because she is particularly interested. Harry knows this and gives her an easy out.

"I'm fine thanks. Is Catherine there?"

"She's just in the kitchen. Hang on." There is movement on the other end of the line as Jane makes her way through the house and passes the phone to her daughter.

"Dad?" Catherine questions.

"Hello sweetheart."

Catherine is immediately on alert. "You never call in the middle of the day. What's wrong?"

"Ruth's had the baby."

"What?" Catherine exclaims. "I didn't think she was due for another month."

"She wasn't."

"Are they okay?"

"They're both fine. She's calling him James."

"Awww. Tell her congratulations." Harry hears Catherine close a door and then she lowers her voice, presumably so that her mother won't hear her next words. "You'd better take lots of pictures Dad. I want to see what my little brother looks like."

"Catherine!" Harry warns gently; his daughter can be far too presumptuous at times.

"Well he's as good as going to be isn't he?"

Harry sighs. "Maybe. Ruth and I haven't discussed exactly what my…role is going to be."

"You two are in a relationship. James is going to see you as his Dad no matter what you and Ruth decide."

"I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am. Now go on, you get back to Ruth and little James and don't forget, photos."

* * *

><p>Harry arrives back to the room to find Jo cradling James, who is looking much pinker now, and Ruth asleep.<p>

"I think I'd better go," Jo says to Harry as he enters. "She needs to rest."

Harry nods and Jo moves to pass James to him. He is nervous but awed and delighted. As he takes the baby in his arms for the first time he feels his heart constrict with love. "Hello James," he whispers with awe. Jo smiles at the sight, before slipping from the room. James starts to fuss slightly and Harry gently rocks him. "Hush now. None of that," he says with tender authority. James settles quickly. "You are a very lucky little boy y'know," he tells him. "You have an amazing Mummy. She's smart, strong, caring, just, and fiercely loyal. She's completely brilliant, if a little bonkers sometimes, and I know she will be a wonderful mother. I don't really know what you're thinking right now or if you're even thinking anything at all, but if you are you're probably wondering who I am. Well that's not the easiest of questions to answer, but I'll do my best. I guess I should start by saying I love your Mum very much and, even though you've only been in the world a matter of hours, I love you as well. I'm not your father and, as much as I may wish I was, I can't change your genetic make-up. Your father, he's not around and, whilst I don't like him, I'm sorry that you'll have to grow up knowing that he wasn't man-enough to take on his responsibilities. But I will and I won't let you down. I'll be honest; I wasn't the best father to my own children. I was young and foolish and I let my job take priority. Well I won't do that with you. I promise. I'll be there for you whenever you need me; to take you to school, to teach you how to ride a bike, to take you to rugby matches; even to the dogs. Might even let you choose the dog."

"You are not teaching my son to gamble," Ruth murmurs gently. Harry looks up and sees her watching him, a smile adorning her face and tears in her eyes. "You're a big softie, Harry Pearce."

He blushes, embarrassed; not only at being caught talking to James but also for what he was saying. "As long as the terrorists don't get wind of it. How much did you hear?"

"All of it," she admits. "I woke up when you got back."

Seeing an opportunity to change the subject her tells her about his phone calls as he places James in the hospital cot at the side of the bed. "I spoke to your step-father. He says they'll probably drive down and see you tomorrow."

"Thanks for doing that, but don't think you can change the subject that easily. What you said to James just then, it was…lovely."

"I meant every word," he assures her.

"It might not always be easy."

"I didn't say it would be. In fact knowing the two of us there will be a lot of fumbling and awkwardness but as long as we resolve to be honest with each other I think we'll manage."

Ruth flashes him a sleepy smile. "I love you Harry."

"I love you too. Now come on, back to sleep. You need to rest. It won't be long before he's awake again."

Ruth shuffles down under the covers. "Will you stay?" she asks.

"I've got a couple of things to do," Harry tells her, "but I promise I'll be back to see you both later."

"Mmm. Okay." Ruth agrees, half asleep.

With one final glance at James sleeping soundly Harry leaves the room, pulling out his phone as he does so. He has things to do and he's going to need some assistance.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** I managed to get all my work done for tomorrow so here's unscheduled update. Harry goes to see Neil. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Chapter 19<p>

_Wednesday 6th June 2007_

The next day Harry is back on the Grid when Adam approaches him with information on Neil. Harry signals him into his office and shuts the door behind them.

"Well?"

"Neil Chadwick. 37. Works for a big financial firm in the City. Married to Sarah. No children. She's an air-hostess so is out of the country a lot. Nice house in Putney." Adam carries on reeling off inconsequential facts about Neil and eventually Harry raises his hand to stop him.

"Have you actually found anything useful? Something I could use against him, if it came to it?"

"I have actually, but you're not going to like it."

"Go on."

"It would appear that he is a serial philanderer. At the time he was seeing Ruth, he was also seeing another two women, not including his wife." Adam slides several CCTV images across the desk to Harry. A man, who he assumes to be Neil, is shown in various provocative entanglements with several different women. There is one of Ruth, thankfully not as indecent as some of the others. Harry wonders if there were others and Adam has just selected the best one to save Harry's embarrassment and jealousy, but he doesn't voice this. "At the moment we believe he is sleeping with just one other woman outside of his marriage," Adam continues, "but there have been a number of others over the past ten months. Including a rather prominent politician's wife."

"Interesting," muses Harry. "Collate everything you have and make sure we have an electronic version of the CCTV images. I think I need to pay Mr Chadwick a visit."

Harry stands on the doorstep of a rather large town house in the more affluent area of Putney and rings the doorbell. Moments later Neil answers. "Yes?" he enquires of the stranger at his door.

"Mr Chadwick? My name is Giles Farmer; I work for Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs. There seems to have been some issues with your tax calculations. May I come in and discuss them with you?"

"Erm, yes of course." He opens the door and Harry steps inside. Once the door is closed he rounds on Neil and has the younger man pinned against the wall before he even realises what's happening. "What the hell?"

"I am here to tell you to stay away from Ruth."

"She's having my child!" he protests. Harry doesn't tell him that she's already given birth; as far he's concerned it's nothing to do with him, especially not after his behaviour towards Ruth the previous day.

"A child you want nothing to do with. A child that you ordered Ruth to give up for adoption." Harry's grip tightens on Neil and he pushes him harder into the wall. "How dare you burst into her home and suggest such things!"

"Who exactly are you?"

"Someone who doesn't want to see either Ruth or her baby get hurt. Someone in a position to make your life very difficult for you if you don't do as I say."

"You can't touch me."

"No? I can tell your wife, for starters."

"She wouldn't believe you," Neil spat.

Harry lowers him to the ground and flings him further into the hall. He reaches into his briefcase and takes out a manila folder and removes a photograph showing Neil and Ruth leaving the theatre. "Even if I showed her this?" He places the photo on top of the hall cabinet.

"Hardly damning is it? Could be a perfectly innocent outing."

"Hmm. It could." Harry removes a second photo. "What about this one? Jenny, I think her name is." Neil's eyes widen as he looks at the photo but Harry isn't finished. He drops another photo onto the pile. "Or Rebecca?" And another. "Laura? Christina? Alexa? Diane?" Harry reels off, a photo to accompany each name. "There are more, but I think you get the gist. Unless you would like me to continue?"

"No. No." Neil is visibly shocked at the wealth of information Harry is in possession of. "What do you want?"

"Stay away from Ruth and the baby. No phone calls, no texts, and no more visits. No contact, not even through a solicitor. If I get even the slightest whiff that you have been anywhere near either of them, these pictures will find their way to your wife. Alongside that, a file will be sent to your employer detailing your involvement with several dubious financial dealings including some concerning the Russian mafia."

"What dealings? I haven't even-"

"No, you haven't. But like I said, I am a very powerful man and I can make it look like you have with a click of my finger."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you. I don't want to see you hurt them."

"That's not it. You're doing this because you love her."

"Whatever I may or may not feel for Ruth has nothing to do with this," Harry protests.

"Oh come off it. You're jealous aren't you? Jealous that I got to her before you did. That I'm the father of her first child not you! Well I tell you what, you're welcome to her. The sex wasn't even that great, she was such a frigid bitch."

Harry lets his fist fly, hitting Neil square in the jaw. Neil stumbles back, falling onto the floor. His lip is bleeding. Harry's fist is throbbing too, but he feels a great satisfaction in punching the bastard who had spoken of Ruth in such a way. "Stay away from her or I will personally wreck the nice little life you have built for yourself." Harry picks up his briefcase, ignoring the painful protest from his knuckles, and walks to the door. Turning back to Neil he nods towards the photographs that are still sat on the cabinet. "Feel free to keep those. There are plenty more where they came from." Harry leaves the house and makes his way to the hospital.

Upon his arrival at the ward he passes Ruth's mother and step-father in the corridor. They stop and chat briefly and Harry notes with relief that whilst Elizabeth is still a little standoffish, she seems to have come round to the idea of having a grandson. He enters Ruth's room with a gentle knock on the door. She is sat up in bed, James asleep in her arms.

She raises her head to greet him. "Hi."

"Hi. How are you?" Harry perches on the edge of the bed next to her and places a gentle kiss to her lips, careful not to wake James.

"We're fine, aren't we?" she asks her son, who just sleeps on oblivious. "The doctors think we might be able to go home tomorrow."

"So soon?"

Ruth nods. "Yeah. They're really pleased with James. He's feeding well and showing no signs of any problems. They said if he continues like that into tomorrow we can leave."

"That's good," Harry agrees with a smile.

"I can't wait to get out of here. Don't get me wrong everyone is lovely, but I just want to be in my own bed and get into some kind of routine!"

"I know sweetheart," he says covering her free hand with his own.

As he does so, Ruth notices the redness of his knuckles. "Harry?"

He follows her gaze and gives a slight shrug. "Oh, it's nothing."

"That's not nothing. What happened?"

"I punched someone."

"Who?" she asks, although she has a sinking feeling in her stomach that she knows exactly who had been on the receiving end of Harry's anger.

Harry ducks his head. "I may have been to see Neil."

"What? Why?"

"I know about yesterday afternoon. About his little visit and the ensuing argument."

"Oh Harry. See this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you wouldn't be able to leave it alone."

"Well it's too late now. But don't worry; he shouldn't be bothering you again."

"What have you done?"

"I merely paid him a visit and warned him off." Ruth raises her eyebrow at him, knowing there is more. "Okay," he continues, "I may have threatened to expose his affairs to his wife and set him up for a few financial crimes."

"Harry!" she admonishes.

"If it means he leaves you and James alone then I don't care. I don't want him anywhere near either of you."

"Thank you," she whispers with tears in her eyes. "Even though I don't necessarily agree with your actions, the sentiment behind them is wonderful and very much appreciated."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_Thursday 7__th__ June 2007_

Harry unlocks Ruth's front door and brings her bags inside. She follows carrying James in his car seat. She places it down on the floor and takes James out. As she straightens, she winces slightly.

"Still sore?"

"A little. The doctor said it should pass in a couple of days."

"Do you want anything for it."

"No. Right now I just want to get settled back in."

"Don't worry, I'll get out of your way shortly; I've got a meeting with both the DG and the Home Secretary later this afternoon and I need to prepare."

"They'll want to know why you left the JIC in such a hurry the other day I suspect." Harry is surprised that she knows about that, but then reminds himself who he's talking to. At his confused look Ruth takes pity on him. "Adam called by on his way to work this morning."

"Ah, that explains it. Anyway, I've got a surprise for you. Well, two actually," he tells her, climbing the stairs.

"What?"

"Come on," he beckons animatedly. He's excited to see what she thinks of his surprises.

Ruth dutifully follows him upstairs to the nursery. "Oh Harry!" she gasps as she walks into the room. Much to her surprise it is completely finished. It's exactly how she had imagined it; better even. "When did you-?"

"I didn't. Jo, Zaf, Adam and Malcolm did."

"What did you have to bribe them with?" she asks, running her hand over the rail of the cot.

"Nothing," he answers honestly. "This may come as a surprise to you but the team care about you and were more than willing to help."

Her eyes dart around the room, taking everything in. The cot sits on one wall with the changing table and wardrobe on the other. Shelves have appeared in the alcove and are lined with several books and toys along with a little CD player. In the other corner of the room sits an object that has piqued Ruth's curiosity; a large oak rocking chair that she hasn't seen before. Carved into the top of the back-rest are flowers, vines and petals and there are blue gingham cushions placed on it.

As her gaze lingers on it, Harry creeps up behind her and places his hands on her shoulders. "The second part of your surprise. Do you like it?" he whispers.

"Harry, it's beautiful!"

"My gift to the both of you."

She twists her head to look at him as she protests. "Oh Harry, I can't accept it. It must have cost a f-" She is silenced with a kiss.

"It didn't actually but how much I spent doesn't really matter. Are you sure you like it? If not I can change it."

"Don't you dare. I love it." She gives him another quick kiss. "Thank you so much." She takes a seat in the chair and gently begins to rock back and forth. Harry smiles at the sight of two of the people he loves most in the world so happy and content. Typically, his phone chooses just that moment to start ringing. He darts from the room, afraid of the noise waking the sleeping child. He returns a moment later.

"I've really got to go," he tells her remorsefully.

"Nothing too awful I hope?"

"No imminent threat no. Do you want me to call back tonight? If it's not too late that is."

"I'd like that," she admits, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

Harry walks over and places a kiss on James' head and whispers, "You be good for your Mum," before kissing Ruth goodbye too. "I'll see you later then."

"We'll be here."

* * *

><p><em>Friday 3<em>_rd__ August 2007_

The next few weeks pass in a blur as Ruth becomes accustomed to the changes that having a baby brings. Harry is on hand as and when work allows; he'll nip round after work, or if he can't leave the Grid he'll ring and check on her. He offers to help with caring for James but Ruth wants to do it all, claiming that as he's her son, it's her responsibility. Harry attempts to reason with her but she won't be swayed. He tries not to be hurt by her actions; reminding himself that it's not personal, that she is still adjusting to being a mother. It's tough for her, it's not something she can learn from a book, not matter how hard she might have tried, but she rises to the challenge; revelling in it. He knows she's struggling a little though. She doesn't say anything but Harry can tell she's tired and that the lack of sleep is starting to get her down.

James is eight weeks old when Harry decides enough is enough. Over the past week he has seen Ruth become even more exhausted and it's not good for her. He's scheduled for a weekend off and plans to surprise Ruth by spending it taking care of both her and James; allowing her to take a well-deserved break. Thankfully it's a quiet day at work on the Friday and he leaves the Grid at exactly six o'clock, giving Adam strict instructions that he will be on his mobile but is only to be contacted in the event of a major emergency. The traffic is heavy however and that, compiled with a quick stop at a Tesco Metro for supplies, means he doesn't make it to Ruth's until almost seven thirty. When he arrives he can hear James crying through the dense wood of the front door. Doubting that Ruth would hear him if he knocked, Harry lets himself in, removes his coat, places his bags on the floor of the hall and makes his way up the stairs. He finds Ruth in the nursery, pacing up and down rocking James gently. He knocks on the doorframe. "Hi."

"Harry?" she questions, not expecting him.

He merely smiles and steps into the room. "He okay?" he asks, gesturing to James.

Ruth sighs. "He won't sleep. I've fed him, changed him, rocked him, even sang to him but it's no use. He's getting himself all worked up and I just don't know what to do!" She's overwrought; on the verge of crying herself.

"May I?" he asks, moving towards her and reaches for James.

"It's fine," she protests and turning away from him, continues to rock her son.

Frustrated by her reaction he snaps at her. "For Christ's sake Ruth, will you stop being so bloody stubborn and accept my help!" His raised voice startles James who is silent for a few moments before letting out a louder cry than before. Ruth throws a glare over her shoulder at Harry, who has the decency to look abashed and runs his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped, but look at you Ruth; you're worn out. Please. Let me help." Ruth ignores him and continues to rock James, not even turning to look at Harry. Realising she isn't going to give in, he leaves the room with a heavy sigh.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_Still Friday 3__rd__ August 2007_

It takes Ruth another half an hour before she finally gets James off to sleep. After putting him down and giving him a gentle kiss, she slips from the room quietly and pads down the stairs. She spots Harry's coat and overnight bag in the hallway and is relieved that he's still there. As soon as Harry had left the nursery she'd felt guilty for her attitude; he had only being trying to help.

She finds him in the kitchen, seemingly in the middle of cooking, rooting around her cupboards. "Looking for anything in particular?" she asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"Something to drain this pasta in," he explains.

"Cupboard above the fridge."

Harry opens the cupboard and selects a colander from the shelf. "Sit down," he invites as he drains the pasta. She can tell he's not happy; there's an edge to his voice. "It's nearly ready."

She does as he bids, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "It smells delicious," she admits.

"It's not much." Harry informs her brusquely. As he silently stirs the sauce into the pasta, Ruth realises for the first time just how much her actions have hurt Harry, and how childish she has been. He places a plate down in front of with a little more force than necessary, confirming Ruth's suspicions that he isn't happy.

"I'm sorry," she offers after a few moments of them eating in silence. He looks up, but doesn't speak, allowing Ruth the opportunity to continue. "You're right. I should've let you help."

He softens a little at her admittance. "Why didn't you?" he asks gently.

Ruth hesitates for a couple of seconds before answering. "I'm James' Mum and I'm…all he's got. I thought that if I let you help…let anyone help actually…that I would be letting him down in some way; that I would have failed him."

"That's…"

"…stupid, I know. I realise that now."

Harry twirls some spaghetti onto a fork. "I was going to say ridiculous."

"Yes, because that's so much better." she quips.

Harry smiles wryly. "What I mean is, it wouldn't have been a sign of weakness. I understand you wanting the best for him; every parent wants that for their children, but you can't do it all on your own. You'll run yourself into the ground and what good would that be for James?"

"I know and I am sorry," she tells him truthfully.

"Is that the only reason you were reluctant to let me help?" he asks tentatively.

"Why? What other reason could there be?"

"Well, I've not exactly been the best father to my own children; you might have decided you want me nowhere near him."

Ruth is staggered by his confession. "Harry! Is that really what you think?"

"I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind."

Ruth reaches across the table and takes his hand. "It's not that, I promise. I trust you with him, Harry. You wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Good," he accepts, taking another mouthful.

Silence falls again but this time it's not awkward. They just sit and eat, their hands entwined on the table top. "Did I see an overnight bag in the hall?" Ruth asks after a few moments.

"Yes. It's probably rather presumptuous of me…" they share a knowing smile, thinking of that day on the rooftop many months ago, "but I thought I could stay tonight." Ruth raises her eyebrow at him. "In the spare room," he adds quickly.

"The spare room is still quite cluttered with the boxes that used to be in the nursery."

Harry is disappointed. "Oh. I see."

Ruth shakes her head lightly. "You don't actually. I'd still like you to stay."

"But where would I sle…" Harry trails off, the meaning behind Ruth's statement clear from the look in her eyes. "You don't have to-"

"I want to. I don't mean sex…well of course I do want to do that…with you…eventually. Soon." Ruth blushes and wishes she'd kept her mouth shut. She has to continue though, to try and get out of the hole she's dug for herself. On his part, Harry finds her fluster quite amusing and struggles to suppress a grin. She takes a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that, as much as I would love…that…to happen, I am far too tired tonight."

"I wouldn't have expected anything anyway," he assures. Changing the subject, Harry tells Ruth of the next part of his plan for her to relax. "In a few minutes I'm going to go and run you a bath. Then you are going to enjoy a nice long soak and leave me to look after James."

"Harry-"

"No arguments," he insists. "When was the last time you took even five minutes for yourself?"

"Do you know, I can't quite remember." It's Harry's turn to raise his eyebrow, his point made. "It does sound awfully tempting," she concedes.

"Be tempted then. Look, James is asleep, we'll be fine. And you'll only be in the bathroom."

Ruth nods slowly. "Okay then a bath would be lovely."

* * *

><p>Ruth reclines in the bathtub, marvelling at Harry's efforts. The bathroom is full of candles and the bath is almost full to the brim with luxurious bubbles; the gentle scent of lavender filling the air. He has tried so hard to make this special; to try and get her to relax. She lets the warm water do its work on her skin; soaking and soothing her tired muscles. She hasn't had a bath in so long and has forgotten how good it felt. Towards the end of pregnancy, her size had made it difficult to clamber in and out of the tub and since James arrived she's just not had time, opting instead for quick showers.<p>

She's been in the bath for about twenty minutes and is just starting to drift off when she is jerked back to reality by the sound of James crying, followed closely by Harry's footsteps on the stairs. Her first instinct is to jump out of the bath to take care of her son, but as Harry passes the door he calls, "Stay in there; I'll get him." Ruth reluctantly leans back again, knowing that if she were to emerge now, Harry would take it as a sign that she didn't trust him. She did trust him; if she was honest he was probably the only person she trusted as much as she trusted herself. It had just taken her a while to understand that it was okay to let him in; to accept his help.

She stays in the bath for a couple of minutes and tries to relax but her maternal instinct won't let her; her son is crying and as much as she knows she should let Harry deal with him, she can't. Stepping out of the bath she wraps herself in the large fluffy towel he's laid out for her. As she's drying off, she opens the door slightly. She can hear Harry cooing to James, trying to soothe him and as the minutes pass, he quietens. Retrieving her robe from the back of the door, Ruth slips it on and makes her way towards the nursery. What she sees makes her heart swell; Harry is sat in the large rocking chair in the corner, James asleep in his arms. She observes them for a few moments before Harry's spook senses kick in and he realises he is being watched.

"I thought I told you to stay in the bath," he chides.

"You did but I was ready to get out anyway; I almost fell asleep in there and was running the risk of turning into a shrivelled up old prune."

Harry laughs gently and rises from the chair, placing James gently in his cot. "Come on, let's get out of here before we wake him up. I'll put the kettle on, yeah?"

Ruth nods. "I'll just go and get dressed then I'll be right down."

Harry tries hard not to think about Ruth wearing nothing under her robe as he makes them both a cup of tea. Thinking like that tonight will just lead to him becoming frustrated and having an uncomfortable night's sleep, so he pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind. He carries the mugs through to the living room and places them down on the coffee table. He waits for several minutes but Ruth doesn't appear. He has an inkling he knows what's happened so he picks up the mugs and heads upstairs. Arriving at her bedroom door, he is proved right. She is propped up on top of the covers, fast asleep. He gently pulls back the other side of the duvet and manoeuvres her into bed.

"H-harry?" she queries sleepily, opening her eyes.

"Ssh. You fell asleep. It's okay."

She stretches and attempts to sit up. "I only sat down for a minute."

"It's fine," he insists, moving towards the door. "Go back to sleep."

She grabs his hand. "I thought you were staying?"

"I am. I'm just going to get my bag."

When he returns, she has drifted off again, so he changes quietly and slips into bed beside her, despite it only just being ten o'clock. He allows himself a quick glance at the clock and prays that James will sleep for a couple more hours and allow Ruth some rest, before he too falls asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **Went to The Greatest Show in the Galaxy on Sunday and met Peter Firth (Harry), Hugh Simon (Malcom) and Keeley Hawes (Zoe) who were all soooooo lovely. Saw Miranda Raison (Jo) and Sophia Myles (Beth)! So, I thought you'd appreciate these two little nuggets of information.

When asked at the Spooks Q&A how he would have liked to see the show end, Peter said _"Well wedding bells would have been nice, wouldn't they?"_

And then when I was talking to him later he was telling me that a Spooks film is _"in the works"_ and when I suggested they find a way to bring Ruth back he said, _"__Anything is possible in Spooks…"_

More detail and photos can be found on my Tumblr page which is linked from my profile on here. Anyway, I should stop rambling now and get on with the story.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

_Still Friday 3__rd__ August 2007 11.30pm_

James manages an hour and half before he wakes. Harry is out of bed before Ruth, wanting her to get as much sleep as possible. "I'll go."

He's at the door before she replies sleepily, "I don't think you'll be of much use to him." Harry looks at her confused. "He's due a feed," she explains and Harry suddenly understands; Ruth is still feeding him herself.

"Then I'll get him and bring him in here. You are not leaving that bed."

Harry disappears down the hall and Ruth hears him over the baby monitor. "It's okay kid. I'm here. Hush now. Are you hungry? Shall we go and find Mummy so that she can feed you, eh?" She smiles at the way he speaks to her son; he's soft and gentle, warm and caring. She can tell how much he cares for him. She's still smiling when he returns with James fussing in arms. Harry hands him over as Ruth unbuttons her pyjama top.

Harry averts his eyes, not wanting to embarrass her. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Of course not. Although I could do with a glass of water."

"I'll be right back."

When Harry returns, James is nursing contentedly at Ruth's breast and Harry gets his first view of her feeding her son; it's a truly amazing sight. He places the glass down next to her and she smiles up at him.

"You're beautiful," he tells her. Ruth blushes and looks down at James. Harry reaches under her chin and gently coaxes her head back up. When he can see into her eyes once more he reiterates his point. "I mean it."

She blushes again, but fights the urge to look away. "Thank you. I'm not used being complimented in such a way."

"Well you'd better get used to it because I intend to do it a lot more."

* * *

><p><em>Saturday 4<em>_th__ August 2007 1.00pm_

Harry pays the vendor for the two ice-creams and returns to Ruth, who is stood near the park railings, pushing James' pram gently backwards and forwards. He hands Ruth her cone and they continue slowly on their walk so as not to lose control of the push chair whilst Ruth is pushing it one-handed.

"You were right," comments Ruth as they walk, "it is nice to get out of the house." James had woken again at half two that morning and then again at five before going back to sleep until seven thirty. The three of them had spent a lazy morning in bed; reading the paper, talking and playing with James before Harry had suggested a trip to the park.

"Well, it seemed a shame to waste this glorious weather."

"The last few weeks have been beautiful but I've just not had the energy to contemplate an outing."

"That's because you were trying-"

"-to do things on my own," she finishes for him. "Yes, I know, but I've learnt my lesson now."

"Have you?" Harry asks sceptically.

"Yes. Thank you for last night. And this morning. I'm beginning to feel almost human again."

"Good," he smiles. His ice-cream finished, he puts his arm around Ruth's shoulders as they continue their stroll. They're just approaching the pond when Harry's mobile rings. He makes a disgruntled face, assuming it to be Adam. He flips it open without checking the caller ID. "If you're calling with anything other than an imminent threat to national security you will find yourself sampling the joys of our basement holding cells."

"Dad?"

"Catherine! I thought you were someone else."

"Obviously," she replies, trying to sound hurt but struggling to hide her amusement.

"Sorry. How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm stood outside your house at the moment. You said you were off this weekend and I thought maybe we could grab a bite to eat."

"Ah. I'm a little busy at the moment. I'm out with Ruth and the baby you see."

"Oh." She's disappointed and Harry feels a stab of guilt. "It's just Fabien and I are flying out to France on Wednesday; I'm going to meet his parents."

Ruth notices the torn look on Harry's face and before he can react she takes the phone from him. "Catherine, it's Ruth."

"H-hi."

"Listen, why don't you come by my house later and see your Dad. It would be lovely to see you again, and you could finally meet James."

"That sounds great," Catherine agrees. "As long as it's not too much trouble."

"Of course not." Ruth looks at her watch. "Say around two thirty?"

"Yeh. I'll see you then."

Ruth reels off her address to Catherine and rings off before handing the phone back to Harry.

"You didn't have to do that," he tells her, pocketing his phone.

"No, I know, but I could see you were feeling guilty so it seemed the obvious solution," she explains.

"Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me Harry; she's your daughter. Anyway, it's not exactly a hardship. I like Catherine and I should probably get to know her a bit better. Plus I need to thank her for the gift she sent for James."

"Come on then; we'd best start making our way back."

* * *

><p>James is asleep and Ruth is in the kitchen arranging cakes and biscuits on a plate when Catherine arrives. Harry lets her in and shows her through. Much to Ruth's surprise, the younger woman greets her with a hug. When they pull away, Catherine looks her up and down.<p>

"You look fantastic for someone who has a two month old."

"Thank you. I was just saying to your Dad earlier that I'm finally starting to feel a bit more normal again." Ruth picks up the plate and turns towards the back door. "I thought we could sit in the garden; enjoy the sunshine while it's here."

"Lovely."

Harry leads them out and they sit and talk; catching up with each other's lives. Catherine is telling them about her upcoming trip to Toulouse when James makes his presence known; his cries coming through the baby monitor. Both Harry and Ruth rise, but Ruth insists she will tend to him. She feels like she should give Harry and Catherine some time alone.

With Ruth inside, Catherine begins to grill her father. "So, how are things between you two?"

"They're good. It's been a bit of a hectic since James arrived but we're getting there."

"You seem very eager to help out," she observed.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason. It was just an observation."

"I did help out with you and your brother when you were babies. Or at least I tried to."

"I know Dad. I'm not making any comparisons."

"When you were born; I was young and foolish. I didn't take my role as a husband or a father seriously enough. By the time I realised my mistakes, you and Graham had already formed your opinions of me. I never stopped loving you though; either of you."

At the mention of her brother, Catherine states, "Graham's back at Mum's."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's been clean for about six months but he can't find a job, so he's staying with her til things improve," she informs her father.

"Maybe I could pull some strings; call in some favours," Harry muses.

"He won't thank you for it," Catherine points out. "In fact if he found out you had anything to do with it he'd go mad. I wouldn't bother." Her voice takes on a different tone as she talks about her brother; almost weary.

It doesn't go unnoticed by Harry. "You don't sound too thrilled that he's back at your Mum's," he points out.

Catherine sighs. "Don't get me wrong, I love Graham to bits; he's my brother, but now he's at Mum's I've seen a lot more of him and…we've rowed…a lot."

"About me?" Catherine glances at him, wondering how he knew. "It doesn't take a genius," he clarifies. "Let me guess, he's not happy about you being back in contact with me?"

Catherine bits her bottom lip nervously.

"It's okay Catherine," Harry assures, sensing her reticence. "You can tell me. I'm under no illusions as to your brother's opinions of me."

"He's not thrilled about me seeing you, no. I try and be tactful around him, and Mum as well for that matter; I don't offer any information about you or our relationship unless they ask but it's hard, especially when Graham starts mouthing off."

It's Harry's turn to sigh. "I don't want to cause friction between you and your brother. If you-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" she scolds. "I'm not about to walk away from the foundations you and I have started to rebuild. No matter what Graham thinks."

"Does he know about Ruth and I?"

"I don't know," Catherine shrugs. "Mum does. She guessed there was something between you after seeing you together at the airport. She's not said anything but I know she's wondering if James is your son."

"And you've not told her that he isn't?" Harry is surprised; usually Catherine tells her mother anything.

Catherine shrugs. "She's not asked and I don't particularly think it's any of her business. Besides, I wasn't sure what you'd want me to tell her. Have you and Ruth actually got around to talking about what role you're going to play in his life?"

"Not really. We've got as far as establishing that I want to be a part of his life; a male role model, but we've not talked about specifics."

"Well, what did she put under 'Father' on the birth certificate?"

"She left it blank," Harry explains. It hadn't been an easy decision for Ruth, she had agonised over it for a whole week. In the end she decided that Neil had made his choice about whether or not he wanted to be involved in James' life and he'd elected not to be. Therefore, in her opinion, he had given up any rights, including that of being acknowledged on the birth certificate. She'd vowed never to lie to her son about his parentage though; she'd tell him whatever he wanted to know when the time came.

"You two need to sort this out Dad."

"I know," Harry admits. "I just don't want to push her."

"You're scared," Catherine realises.

"What?"

"You are. You're so scared of losing her that you don't want to broach the subject."

"Catherine…" Harry warns.

"Admit it."

"Okay fine. Yes, I'm scared. Our history doesn't exactly reassure me. She wouldn't go on a second date with me the first time round because she was scared of what people would think; she didn't want to be the subject of gossip. We're still hiding our relationship now. So, if I tell her that I want to be James' Dad; that I want to raise him as my own son, there's a very good chance she'll run, because if we did go down that road we wouldn't be able to keep 'us' a secret anymore."

"So you're happy to put up with the uncertainty of not knowing where you fit in?"

"As long as Ruth's happy and we're together, I don't see the need to push it, that's all."

"Well you can't stay in limbo forever."

"No-one's talking about forever Catherine. We'll get there." Catherine doesn't look convinced but she lets the matter drop, returning to telling her Father about her plans for France.

What neither Harry or Catherine notice, is that Ruth is stood in the kitchen, having heard every word of the last part of their conversation through an open window.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_Still Saturday 4__th__ August 2007… 8.50pm_

Harry sees Catherine into her taxi with a hug and a promise from her to ring him from France, before making his way back up the garden path. They'd had such a good time catching up in the afternoon, that Ruth had invited Catherine to stay for dinner. She'd fallen in love with James on sight, and had spent a good hour cooing over him when he'd woken from his nap. It's now nearing nine and James is fast asleep in his room, which suits Harry perfectly as he wants to talk to Ruth.

"You were very quiet during dinner," he comments, as he joins her on the sofa.

"I was lost in admiration for your chili con carne," she quips half-heartedly.

"You've been quiet all evening," he continues.

"I didn't notice."

"Alright," Harry sighs, "what's the matter?"

"Who says anything's the matter?"

"I know I once said you were a born Spook Ruth, but I can tell when you're lying."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"About what?" Harry asks, confused.

"James."

Harry is still none the wiser. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this but, for the first time, I haven't got the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"About wanting to be his father," Ruth explains. "I heard you and Catherine talking."

"Ah."

"So, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well if you heard me talking to Catherine you would have heard the reason."

"You're scared."

"Yes, I suppose I am. I didn't want you to pressure you and have you pull back from this." Ruth opens her mouth to protest but Harry carries on speaking. "There's another reason too…I wasn't the best father to my own children and I know you said yesterday you trust me with him but I didn't want to face you saying no because you didn't think me worthy of being his Dad."

"Oh Harry! We have to talk about these things. We said we'd be honest with each other. How will we ever sort anything out if we don't?"

"You mean like you were honest about telling me you felt like you'd be letting James down if you let anyone help you look after him?" Ruth blushes and looks down at her shoes. She feels tears pooling in her eyes and Harry notices her try and rub them away and feels guilty. "I'm sorry; that was uncalled for. You're right of course. We do need to talk about it. Can we do that now?"

"Of course. Firstly, I'm not going to run Harry. I love you and I want to be with you."

Harry visibly relaxes at her words. "That's good."

"Secondly, I don't think you would be a bad father to James. All the evidence I've seen points to the opposite. You're wonderful with him. But, like I've said before, I don't want you to feel like this is something you have to do."

Harry takes her hands in his. "I don't. I think I've grown to love James just as much as you do. He's wormed his way into my heart and I don't think I could get him out even if I wanted to. It's already like he is my own. I want to take care of him; of both of you."

"And what if things don't work out between us? James will lose another father."

"_If_ that happens, and it's a big if because I know how much I love you, but if it happens I'll still be there for him. We can make it all official if you want so there's no chance of me shirking my responsibilities."

Ruth is silent as she considers Harry's words. For his part, he is patient; he doesn't say anything else or try to pressure her in anyway. He merely sits, stroking the back of her hand gently with his thumb.

After what seems to Harry like an age, but can't have been more than ten minutes Ruth looks up at him. "Okay," she whispers.

"Okay?" Harry checks.

"Yeah," she reiterates biting her lip nervously. "But nothing official. Not yet anyway; let's see how it goes for a bit. If it doesn't work out between us, James is still young enough not to notice at the moment."

Harry smiles at her, cupping her face and drawing her to him for a kiss. "Thank you," he murmurs against her lips before capturing them with his own. The kiss is sweet; lips gliding over each other as they gaze lovingly into each other's eyes.

The moment is broken by James' soft whimpers over the baby monitor and Ruth reluctantly pulls away. "Go on then," she instructs Harry. "Go and see to _our _son whilst I finish clearing up." Beaming at her words, Harry rises from the sofa and rushes to James before he works himself up into a full blown cry. Ruth watches him go smiling and hoping she's made the right decision

* * *

><p>When Harry returns a few minutes later Ruth is in the kitchen, putting things away. He wraps his arms around her waist and presses a gentle kiss to her neck.<p>

"That was quick," she murmurs.

"He's fine; a quick cuddle and he went straight back to sleep," Harry continues, trailing kisses down her neck. When she reaches up to return a dish to its rightful cupboard, he sneaks his fingers under the bottom of her shirt, tracing over her skin gently. She shivers and gasps at his touch. Harry turns her around in his arms and kisses her passionately; their tongues duelling.

He lifts her effortlessly, causing her to let out a little squeal, and sits her on the counter. He places his hand on her knee, then clears his throat to speak. "I…is this okay?" Despite being the one to initiate this, he's trying to maintain a shred of self-control; just in case he's pushed her too far.

In answer Ruth kicks off her shoes, each falling with a distinct thud on to the cold tiles of the kitchen floor, and runs her stocking clad foot slowly up his leg. She swallows audibly but nods. "I'm ready; I want this. I want you. I have for a long time."

Permission granted, Harry steps between her legs and continues his assault on her neck. Her arms reach up around his neck, fingers twirling in the light curls of his hair. He reaches out, stroking her lightly in the v of her shirt. She shudders at the passion that his simple touch evokes. He reaches her buttons and unfastens the first two. He just gets the slightest glimpse of a cream bra when she stills his hand. He stops, but looks at her questioningly. "I thought…you said you wanted this."

Ruth lowers her gaze. "I did. I do, it's just…I've not lost all my pregnancy weight and I-"

Harry cuts her off. "You. Are. Beautiful," he assures her, punctuating each word with a kiss. "Hells bells Ruth; don't you know what you do to me?"

"I…" She blushes as she shakes her head.

"Let me put it this way…" He takes her hand and places it on his growing arousal.

His actions have the desired effect and Ruth leans forward, giving him a tantalising view down her shirt, and whispers in his ear with new found confidence. "Well, when you put it like that how can a woman refuse? Shall we take this upstairs?"

* * *

><p>Afterwards, they lie facing each other, legs entwined and Harry brushes her hair out of her eyes. He studies her face, as if memorising it, even though its shape was etched in his brain a thousand times over already.<p>

"Are you okay?" he asks finally.

She stretches languidly. "Mmm-hmm."

Harry lets out a low chuckle. "That good, hmm?"

"I am not going to massage your ego Harry."

"Shame. I suppose I'll have to think of something else for you to massage instead. Oh no wait, you've already done that."

That earns him a playful smack in the chest and an outraged, "Harry!"

He chuckles a little more but stops when he notices she's retreated inside herself a little and she's biting her lip nervously. "Ruth?"

"It was good, well I thought so anyway. Was I…I mean, did you…I've never been very good at…that you see and I…"

Harry understands almost as soon as she begins to speak. "You were wonderful."

"Don't just say that to spare my feelings, Harry. If I wasn't then-"

"I'm not. It's the truth. If any man has told you otherwise then I'd question their mental state."

"There have been a couple," she admits and Harry remembers Neil had said something similar about her when he'd paid him a visit.

"Then they're idiots," he declares. The words are barely out of his mouth when he feels Ruth's lips press against his. It was a gentle and loving kiss, filled with thanks and promise. Harry rolls onto his back and Ruth lays her head on his chest and lets the gentle, rhythmic rubbing of his hand through her hair lull her to sleep, happy and content.

Harry lies there with Ruth asleep in his arms feeling more content than he can remember. He has just made love to the woman he has yearned after for four years. She loves him and wants to build a life with him. For the first time in a long time he knows he will have no problems sleeping tonight, not with Ruth lying in his arms. He tightens his grip on his slumbering partner and welcomes the dreams to come.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter to celebrate the fact that I'm off for the next two weeks! Hopefully I will find time to write more in that time but with a friend's wedding, two job interviews and uni work to do who knows? I'll try and get at least one more chapter up before the bedlam begins again.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

_Sunday 7__th__ October 2007 10.05am_

Harry pulls up outside the little village church, spotting Zaf and Jo crossing the road as he does so. He looks across at Ruth sitting in the passenger seat. She is wringing her hands and looking decidedly nervous.

"Are you okay?" he asks, grasping her hand in his. Today is James' christening and Harry will be standing up at the front with Ruth, as James' father, leaving no doubt in anyone's minds as to the nature of their relationship. "We've nothing to be ashamed of," he reminds her.

Ruth nods. "I know. It's not that; I can handle people's comments about us. It's Mum. She always manages to turn these sorts of occasions into some kind of international incident."

Harry knows exactly what Ruth is referring to. He hasn't told her, but Elizabeth has been on the phone several times in the last two days, checking and double checking the arrangements and trying to interfere.

"Good job we've got half the Security Service in attendance then isn't it?" he quips, trying to lighten the mood. She smiles slightly but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. He sees Jo and Zaf approaching the car and decides to use them as a distraction; telling Ruth of their presence. They get out of the car and Harry opens the back door and busies himself getting James out as Ruth greets their friends. She hugs Jo, before her friend's attention is taken by the baby, and then turns to Zaf.

"It's good to see you Ruth," he says, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"I'm glad you could come."

"Funny thing that; all of section D appear to have been rostered off today," he informs her with a knowing glint in his eye.

"Wow!" Ruth exclaims, playing along. "You must have some powerful friends." She's joking with Zaf but she realises that Harry must have pulled a lot of strings to fix the duty rota so that her friends could attend today and she's extremely grateful; she knows how difficult it can be for them all to get time off together.

"Well, our boss likes to think he's got influence but actually…" Zaf trails off with a cheeky smile, which Ruth returns.

"Look Zaf, I'm glad I've got you away from everyone else. I wanted to explain…about the Godparent business…"

Zaf shakes his head. "You don't have to."

"No, but I want to. I just want you to know, it's not a…religious or…cultural decision."

"I never thought that it was."

"Y-you didn't?"

"No. Jo's your best friend, it's obvious you'd choose her to be Godmother and you and Harry have both known Malcolm a long time so that was to be expected. And Adam…well, I'm not too sure why on earth you'd choose him over me actually," he replies mischievously.

"We'd have you both if we could, but if we carried on like that everyone would be stood at the front and there'd be no-one left in the congregation. In the end it came down to knowing him longer."

"It's fine Ruth, honestly. I'm quite happy being plain old Uncle Zaf. It's probably better this way actually. I don't have be a responsible influence; so I can teach him all the pranks and tricks without having to worry."

Ruth chuckles and shakes her head. "Oh Lord, what have I let myself in for?"

Jo appears at her side carrying James. "He's gotten so big! I can't believe it."

"You only saw him two weeks ago," reminds Zaf.

"And your point is? They grow so quickly at this age. Don't you?" she asks the baby, who just continues to blow spit bubbles. Zaf shakes his head at Jo's behaviour but Ruth notices the look in his eyes as he watches her; it's almost wistful.

As Jo walks off to see Malcolm who has just arrived, Ruth turns to Zaf. "Ask her."

"What?"

"Ask her out." Zaf is about to protest but Ruth sees her mother arriving and eager to disappear, grabs his arm and drags him towards the church. "Trust me," she continues as they walk. "If there's one thing I've learnt over this past year and a half, it's that you shouldn't ignore what your heart is telling you."

Zaf doesn't get a chance to respond because unfortunately, Ruth's plan to avoid her mother fails; she catches up with them just outside the main door of the church. "Hello Ruth dear. Oh, you look rather drawn. Doesn't she look drawn David?"

"I actually think she looks rather well," David replies, causing Elizabeth to roll her eyes.

"Thank you David," Ruth responds, pecking him on the cheek.

"Hmmm. Now, where is my Grandson?" Elizabeth demands.

"He's with Jo, his Godmother. They're inside I presume."

Right on cue, Harry appears with James in his arms. "He got a bit restless for Jo," he explains, handing him to Ruth. He spots her parents. "Ah, hello Elizabeth. David." Elizabeth pays no attention to Harry, preferring to coo over her grandson, but David shakes his hand.

"Is everyone here?" Ruth asks Harry.

"Not yet. Catherine is on her way but I haven't heard from Adam." Catherine had been delighted to receive an invitation to the christening and had excitedly informed Harry that she wouldn't miss it for the world. Unfortunately, Fabien was out of the country with work, so he couldn't join them. She had text Harry about 10 minutes ago to let him know that she was on her way, but running a few minutes late.

"Catherine and Adam?" queries Elizabeth nosily. "Do I know these people?"

"Catherine is my daughter," Harry informs her, "and Adam is one of James' Godfathers."

"I still don't see the need for him to have two Godfathers," Elizabeth remarks. "Especially when it seems one of them can't even arrive on time. It doesn't set a good example does it?"

Ruth looks at her watch and rolls her eyes, annoyed. "The service doesn't start for another ten minutes, Mother. For goodness sake can't you jus-"

Ruth is cut off by a shout of, "Uncle Harry!" and turns to see Wes running towards them, Adam and Ros following behind him.

"He's here now anyway," mutters Ruth as Wes reaches them.

Harry ruffles the young boy's hair. "Hello young Wesley. How are you?"

"I'm good thanks Uncle Harry. I made the rugby team! Hiya Aunt Ruth." He hands her a gift wrapped in light blue paper. "This is for James."

Ruth hands James back to Harry so she can open the present. She removes the wrapping paper to find a silver plated money box in the shape of a train. She gives Wes a quick hug. "Thank you."

"I helped Dad pick it. Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. You chose well." Wes beams at her praise as Adam and Ros catch up to them.

"It's engraved with his name too," Adam informs them.

Ruth lifts the lid of the box; sure enough there on the side of the engine is the name James. She reaches up to kiss Adam's cheek. "Thank you. It really is lovely."

As they're talking to Adam and Ros, Ruth spots Catherine hurrying up the path to the church. She nudges Harry and points her out. They excuse themselves from their conversation and walk over to meet her.

"Hi!" she smiles, hugging Ruth. She turns to James and strokes his head. "Look at you! Aren't you getting to be a big boy?" James grins wildly as Catherine pulls silly faces for him.

"Don't I get a hello?" asks Harry. He's only pretending to be offended; he loves how comfortable his daughter has become with Ruth and James.

Catherine rolls her eyes. "Hi Dad," she greets, finally giving her Father a hug, being careful not to crush James. Harry delights at the feel of holding his eldest child; not so long ago he thought he'd never experience it again. Catherine enjoys it too; she's always been a Daddy's girl at heart. Unfortunately, their moment of happiness doesn't last very long on this occasion.

"I knew it! I knew you'd be sneaking off to see him!" The voice that interrupts them is angry and bitter and it's one Harry recognises all too well. He pulls back from Catherine's embrace and finds himself looking into eyes that are a mirror of his own.

"Graham!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ducks flying objects! Sorry folks, but this was going to turn into a mega-chapter if I didn't cut it, and this seemed like the best place. Sorry it's been a bit filler-y with everyone arriving at the church etc. but you needed some of the background information and I needed to set the scene.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **Sorry about the cliffhanger – there's another at the end of this but it's not as dramatic so hopefully you won't lynch me!

Also, in a shameless piece of self-promotion – I was inspired by the Queen's Diamond Jubilee to write a fic, Harry/Ruth-centric of course! It's called _'Crowning Achievement_' and could be considered a companion/prequel to my post 10x06 fic, _'Rendezvous'_. I'd be grateful if, once you've finished this chapter (and reviewed, of course) that you give them a read if you haven't already.

**Chapter 25**

_Previously…_

"_Hi Dad," she greets, finally giving her Father a hug, being careful not to crush James. Harry delights at the feel of holding his eldest child; for not so long ago he thought he'd never experience it again. Catherine enjoys it too; she's always been a Daddy's girl at heart. Unfortunately, their happiness doesn't last very long on this occasion._

"_I knew it! I knew you'd be sneaking off to see him!" The voice that interrupts them is angry and bitter and it's one Harry recognises all too well. He pulls back from Catherine's embrace and finds himself looking into eyes that are a mirror of his own. _

"_Graham!"_

* * *

><p><em>Still Sunday 7<em>_th__ October 2007…_

"Oh, you know who I am then?" Graham spits. "That's surprising, given that I haven't seen you since I was thirteen."

"And whose choice was that?" Harry counters. "You told me you didn't want anything to do with me."

"Can you blame me; you weren't exactly Father of the Year, were you?" Graham stalks towards his father. "And now look, you've got yourself a new family to ruin."

Harry, sensing his son's anger, turns to Ruth and hands her James. "Ruth, go inside with James. I'll deal with this and be right in."

Ruth takes her son, but passes him straight to Adam, not wanting to leave Harry out here with Graham. "Adam, take him into church. Please?" Adam does as she asks, as Ros ushers everyone else inside; away from the commotion, much to Ruth's mother's displeasure. Ruth moves to stand next to Harry and present a united front.

"Aww, isn't that sweet? Is she your big defender?" Graham mocks his father before turning to Ruth. "Don't get used to it darlin'. You're just the latest in a long line of whores."

Catherine sees Harry's fist clench as Graham insults Ruth and, eager to avoid any physical violence, she steps in front of her father and drags her brother to one side. "What the hell are you doing here?" she hisses.

"I followed you. Suspected you were lying when you said you were meeting some old school friends for lunch. Turns out I was right."

"What I do, or don't do, with my Sundays is none of your business."

"It is when you're seeing him. How could you Cat; after everything?"

"Oh grow up Graham!" Catherine yells. "If you'd drag your head out of your arse for two seconds maybe you'd see how much he loves us. How much he's changed."

"You don't seriously believe that, do you? He's incapable of changing. If it wasn't for him…"

Catherine has had enough. "Alright fine; he's not perfect and he made mistakes. But for Christ's sake Graham; are you so blinded by hate that you can't see the good things too? We did have some good times with him when we were kids and he's gotten us both out of scrapes in the past."

"No one asked him too," Graham points out petulantly and Catherine loses it; all her anger at her brother's immature attitude coming to the surface.

"No, but I'm bloody glad he did. Or my brother would be lying in a gutter somewhere; dead having overdosed on God knows what! In fact, if it wasn't for him I could be dead too. You should be thanking him for scouring Lebanon for me; for sitting by my bedside for days; for donating the blood that saved my legs and quite possibly my life; for getting me the best care possible. That's what kind of a father he is Graham; you just can't seem to see it!"

She takes a deep breath and Graham takes the opportunity to intervene. "Cat, just calm down."

"No, I will not calm down. This ends here. I will not put up with this every time I want to see Dad. You can have your opinion if you must, but you can also keep it to yourself! If you don't want anything to do with Dad then that's your choice, but don't try and make me choose between the two of you, because I can tell you now, you won't like my answer."

By the time she is finished, Catherine's face is flushed and she is breathing heavily whilst Graham is dumbfounded at his sister's outburst. Harry approaches his daughter, standing behind her he places his hands on her arms and rub gently to calm her down. "Come on Catherine; that's enough. This has to stop before you both say something you don't mean." She is breathing hard, but his hands are warm and gentle and she feels the tension drain out of her. Her shoulders slump and she twists round in her father's arms and buries her face in his chest, as she used to do when she was a little girl, crying gently. "Ssssh," Harry soothed. "You won't have to choose; I've already told you I won't put you in that position and I'm sure Graham won't either." He looks pointedly at Graham over the top of her head and raises his eyebrows in question.

"I'm sorry, Cat," Graham mumbles. "I won't force you to choose."

Harry continues to hold his daughter. "Graham and I should have sorted ourselves out a long time ago. It's as much my fault as his, if not more so."

The younger man looks at his father comforting his sister; and feels a pang of jealousy. In that moment, he realises that the anger he feels towards his father stems from the fact that he wants the kind of relationship with him that Catherine has; he just doesn't know how to go about it. So much has happened; too many things have been said and done by both of them and he can't see a way back. He is brought out of his thoughts by Catherine's voice.

"I'm sorry Graham; I shouldn't have blown up at you."

"I'm sorry too sis."

Harry looks at his daughter; her face is red and her mascara has run down her cheeks. "Catherine, why don't you go inside with Ruth and get yourself cleaned up." Catherine nods and turns to Ruth, who realises that by doing as Harry requests, the two men will be left alone.

"Harry, I don't think that-"

"Don't worry; we'll be on our best behaviour," Harry replies without taking his eyes off his son. "You can even send Adam out to patrol if you like."

"If you're sure?"

Harry turns to Ruth. "I'm sure. Go on; best apologise to the vicar too. I think we might have delayed the service. I'll be in in a few minutes." His kisses her on the cheek and ushers her along the path with Catherine before turning back to Graham. He says nothing; instead waiting for his son to speak first.

"I…" Graham hesitates. "It was stupid of me to just turn up here and make a scene. I…I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." Silence falls for a few moments, before Harry sighs, continuing. "Look Graham, I know I haven't been the best father and I completely understand if you don't want anything to do with me; it's nothing short of what I deserve. But whatever our relationship is, you have to respect your sister and the choices she makes."

Graham considers Harry's words and nods.

"Good." The sound of footsteps on the gravel path draws Harry's attention. He looks round to see Adam approaching. "When I said Ruth could send you out to keep an eye on us, I didn't intend her to take me seriously."

"It's not that. The vicar's waiting for you."

"Ah. Okay, I'll be right there." He turns to Graham. "I'm sorry, I need to get inside. Maybe we can talk next week. If only for Catherine's sake ?"

"Maybe. I'm staying at-"

"Your mother's. Yes I know."

"Right. Well give me a call if your free; maybe we can go for a pint?" Graham's tone of voice betrays the fact that he doesn't believe his father will bother and it pains Harry to hear it. He watches his son walk away and he's half way down the path before an idea strikes Harry.

"You could always come in," he calls.

Graham turns around. "In there?" he asks, indicating the church. Harry nods. "Won't your new wife have a problem with that?"

"Her name's Ruth and she's not my wife," Harry tells him, a twinge of regret in his voice. "And as long as there are no more scenes she'll be fine with it. I might have a new family, but you're still my son. So, will you stay?"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Thanks for all your reviews! Just a small filler chapter here…I will try and get another up before I'm back at school on Monday, but I can't promise. However I can tell you that I only have 2 weeks left after this before summer, so I will then have plenty of time to concentrate on this fic!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

_Still Sunday 7__th__ October 2007…_

Harry enters the church, Graham at his side and Adam close behind. Catherine stares at her brother for a couple of seconds, surprised to see him in the church, before she shuffles up the pew to make space for him to sit. Harry apologises to the vicar, before sliding in next to Ruth and James.

"Everything okay?" she whispers as the vicar welcomes everyone to the service.

"I think so. Is it alright that I invited him to stay? He's promised no more outbursts."

"Of course; he's your son."

"Sssh," scolds Elizabeth from behind them, causing Ruth to let out an exasperated sigh. Her mother is really getting to her. Harry takes her hand in his and rubs soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb; trying to relax her.

It is soon time for the actual baptism to take place. "At this point in the service I would like to ask James' parents to step forward," the vicar announces. Harry gives Ruth's hand a quick squeeze as she stands and makes her way to the front of the church. There are several murmurs as Harry follows her and takes his place next to her, most notably from Ruth's mother. Harry sees several members of section D looking at each other; their eyes full of questions. The core team though; Adam, Jo, Ros, Zaf and Malcolm, merely sit there with knowing looks on their faces.

"Harry and Ruth; parenthood is a wonderful gift and also a great responsibility..." As the vicar continues to talk about the duty and obligation of parents, Harry feels the eyes of Catherine and Graham on him. He feels newly ashamed that he let them down like he did but he vows to rectify his relationship with Graham and to do better as a father to James. "…with this in mind, I would like to invite the people you have chosen support both you and your son as Godparents to stand with you here this morning."

Their three colleagues rise from the pew and make their way to the front, Malcolm leading them. The vicar questions the five of them about their faith and they in turn declare their intentions to care for and guide James through life.

With the declarations out of the way the vicar signs James head with the cross as he squirms in Ruth's arms. The party then gather around the font and the vicar turns to Ruth. "What do you name this child?"

"James Daniel," she replies.

The vicar takes James from her and cradles him by the font. As he fills the small shell-shaped dish with water, Harry wraps his arm around Ruth and holds her as they look on proudly. The vicar gently pours the water over James' head, much to his displeasure and says, "James Daniel, I baptise you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

James is whimpering at having being disturbed but he settles quickly as the vicar passes him to Harry. He snuggles into him, his fist grabbing at Harry's shirt. After a few more blessings and prayers, the party return to their seats. James falls asleep within minutes and remains that way for the remainder of the service.

* * *

><p>They have a little gathering back at Ruth's house; nothing fancy, just a few drinks, sandwiches, assorted nibbles and a cake. At her urging, Harry had invited Graham back and, somewhat surprisingly he had accepted, although she hasn't seen them say more than about three words to each other since they arrived home. Harry has been mingling with the guests and Graham has spent most of his time standing with Catherine; repairing the damage their confrontation earlier had done.<p>

Ruth is doing the rounds, making sure everyone has a drink, when she spots Graham slip out of the patio doors into her garden. Glancing around, she sees Harry deep in conversation with Malcolm and her step-father so she follows Graham. She is just at the door when her mother appears.

"Ah, Ruth dear. I've been meaning to ask you. Who's that man who was at the church, causing all sorts of commotion? And what on earth is he doing here?"

"That's Graham. Harry's son." Her mother opens her mouth to ask more questions but Ruth silences her with a wave of her hand. "It's complicated and I don't know all the details myself, so don't ask."

"Hmm. Speaking of Harry; you couldn't have found time to let me know about you two?"

"What about us?" Ruth asks, even though she knows exactly what her mother is referring to.

"That the two of you are something of an item," Elizabeth replies exasperatedly.

"I hate that phrase; makes me think of products wrapped together on a supermarket shelf."

"Don't be sarcastic Ruth; you know what I mean."

"Yes I do; and I didn't tell you because I knew exactly what you'd say."

"Oh and what was that?" she asks, a defensive tone to her voice.

"Something derogatory or disapproving." She looks at her mother, "Am I wrong?"

"Well…" Elizabeth falters.

"Exactly. You've made it quite obvious that you don't like him, although I've no idea why. But then again; you never seem to like any man I choose."

"Hardly surprising given that your history as a picker of men borders on the disastrous."

"Well, thank you for that!" hisses Ruth. "Okay, so I may not have had the best of luck with men in the past Mum but Harry's different. He is part of my life; James is going to see him as his Dad, so you'd better get used to it. Now, if you'll excuse me; I was just on my way out to the garden."

* * *

><p><strong>AN. **Hope you enjoyed that. If you did (or didn't) please leave a review to feed my starving muse.

Also, in a shameless piece of self-promotion (yet again) – I've written another fic inspired by current events – this time, Euro 2012. It's called _'The Beautiful Game'_ and is a story of how Ruth has to suffer through Harry and Wes watching the football. If you've got a spare minute, why not give it a read. You don't have to be a football fan to enjoy it – I promise!


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_Still Sunday 7__th__ October 2007…_

Ruth finds Graham leaning against a fence post, smoking. "It's a bad habit, I know but it's considerably better than some of the others I've had," he informs her defensively. Ruth says nothing, waiting as he takes one last drag of his cigarette and stubs it out on the ground.

"We've not been properly introduced. I'm Ruth." She extends her hand to shake his and Graham takes it willingly, if a little apprehensively.

"I guess I owe you an apology…for causing a scene earlier. I'm sorry if it ruined the day."

"Well, I won't insult your intelligence by saying it was exactly how I imagined it, but in the end your presence made it all the more special."

"How do you work that one out?" he asks.

"You're Harry's son; you're family. It was right that you should be there. He might not say so but I know he's pleased that you decided to stay."

"And you?"

"If he's happy, then so am I."

"How did you two meet?" Graham asks. "I don't mean this to be insulting but you're not his usual type. He's tended to go for rather more…glamorous women, shall we say."

A fleeting image of Juliet flashes into Ruth's mind, but she pushes it away before answering Graham's question. "We work together. I'm his intelligence analyst."

"Bloody hell, there are more Spooks here than in a haunted house." Ruth smiles. "What?" Graham asks.

"Sounds like something your Dad would say."

"Bad jokes run in the genes," he quips. "Luckily for James he won't have that problem, will he?"

Ruth is startled by Graham's astuteness to the situation; again seeing how alike he is to Harry. "How did you know?"

"The restlessness and shocked murmurs when he got up and stood beside you in church plus Catherine's vagueness every time I've tried to pin her down this afternoon for some details."

"It wasn't our intention to lie to you," Ruth defends.

"But you did."

"Technically, I suppose we did," she concedes. "You're right; biologically Harry isn't James' father, but in every other conceivable way he is. We don't see the need to make the distinction."

"So what happened. How come he's taking on your kid?"

Ruth gives Graham a brief explanation of the situation, from the nervous fumbling of their first date to now. "And that's it really," she concludes. Graham remains silent. "I know what you must be thinking; that I'm just in this relationship so that my son will have a father; but that's not true Graham. I assure you. I love your Dad," she asserts, blushing slightly as she does so, "more than I've ever loved anyone before."

"That wasn't what I was thinking."

"Oh." Ruth's blush deepens at having given away too much of herself unnecessarily.

"But it's good to know that you're not taking him for a ride. Although if you were, I'd probably say he deserved it."

"Well, I'm not. So what were you thinking then?"

"I was thinking; taking on another man's child as his own, I'm not sure I could do it. He must love you very much."

"I do," declared Harry, stepping out of the patio doors and approaching them. "Is everything alright?" he asks, looking at Ruth.

"Ruth and I were just talking; getting to know one another," Graham answers.

"So I heard." He turns to Ruth, "Your aunt and uncle are leaving; they want to say goodbye."

"Oh right. Yes. Right. Well I'll go and see them off then, shall I?"

Once Ruth is back inside, Harry turns to Graham. "I suppose you're pissed at me?"

"Why?"

"For taking on someone else's child when I have such a poor relationship with you."

"Today has been quite a day. I…I don't really know what to think right now. I need to get my head around some things before…. Can I call you when I'm ready to talk?"

"I…I'd like that."

The two man exchange numbers and Graham looks at his watch. "Shit!"

Harry frowns at his son's profanity, but doesn't call him on it, instead asking, "What is it?"

"I'm late to meet Abby. I'd better go."

"Abby?" Harry asks as he walks his son through the house.

"My girlfriend. We've been together nearly 5 months."

Harry smiles. "That's good. I'm pleased."

"Thanks." They arrive in the hallway just as Ruth is heading back to them.

"Oh, are you off?" she asks.

"Yes, I didn't realise the time. I'm late to meet someone. Abby."

"Oh right. Will we see you again?"

"Possibly. We'll see." He leans down to kiss Ruth on the cheek, surprising both her and Harry. "Thanks for not chucking me out on my arse and I'm sorry…again."

Harry and Ruth stand in the doorway, watching him make his way up the road until he is out of sight; both hopeful that it will not be the last time they see him.

* * *

><p>Harry shuts the front door behind Jo and Zaf, the last remaining guests, and returns to the living room to join Ruth who is curled up on the sofa in front of The Antiques Roadshow. He sits with her and prises a foot out from under her and into his lap, whereby he begins rubbing it. She glances at him; he's never done this before.<p>

"Your feet must be aching like mad; you've been on your feet for most of the day. In ridiculous shoes too," he points out.

"It was worth it though; today was lovely."

"It was," agrees Harry, "if a little eventful."

Ruth smiles. "Yes, but you and Graham seem to have made progress."

"We've stopped shouting at each other if that's what you mean."

"Do you want to know what I think?" she asks. He nods. "I think you're both as stubborn as each other and if either one of you had backed down this could all have been sorted out years ago. Graham is just looking for your approval and your love; that's all he wants."

"He's already got those."

"Does he know that though? Have you ever told him?" she questions.

Harry remains silent, confirming to Ruth that, no, he hasn't told his son those things. Harry continues to work his magic on Ruth's sore feet and she stifles a yawn; it's only half past five but it has been a long and busy day. "Are you staying tonight?"

"If you want me to?"

"I do. We've hardly had any time to ourselves today."

"Okay, but I'll need to nip home and see to Scarlett."

"Bring her back with you if you want. I'll walk her in the morning." Ruth yawns again.

"Do you think you'll be able to stay awake long enough for me to get there and back so you can let me back in?" he teases.

Ruth lifts her foot and playfully kicks at him before stretching across to the coffee table for her handbag. She reaches inside the back zip pocket and pulls out a key, which she places in Harry's hand. "I got you this; now you can come and go as you please. The alarm code is 20483."

Harry stares at the key nestled in his palm. "I…Are you sure, Ruth?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have trekked all the way to the market yesterday to have it cut if I wasn't."

Harry draws her in for a kiss. "I love you, Ruth."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Don't worry – this is not the end. There is plenty more to come; I just have to find the time to tweak what's already done and write some more!


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** I'm playing about with some of the events that happened throughout the series. Picking and choosing and moving them about a bit.

I will say one thing…please don't kill me!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

_Sunday 11__th__ November 2007_

Ruth is washing up when she hears the front door open. She glances at the clock; it's only half past one. Ruth is slightly confused, she isn't expecting Harry for a while. He had said he expected to be stuck at the Grid until at least 5; it's a busy day what with Royals and assorted dignitaries attending the Remembrance service at the Cenotaph. She dries her hands on a tea towel and makes her way through to the hall. Harry is standing motionless just inside the door, his shoulders slumped and a haunted look on his face. Ruth's seen that look many times before; most recently when they lost Colin, so she knows instantly what has happened. "Who?" she asks in a small voice.

"Adam," he tells her, his voice breaking with emotion.

The tea towel drops from Ruth's hand and falls to the floor. "No!" she gasps in a small voice before bursting into tears.

Harry gathers her in his arms and comforts her as she sobs. He rubs small circles on her back, but doesn't speak; he knows there is nothing he can say that will ease the pain. When her sobs subside she looks up at him. "How?"

"A car bomb. It was rigged to detonate at eleven at St Augustine's Church. Adam drove the car away from the area but he…he didn't make it out in time."

Ruth sniffs as she hears the details of her friend's death. Suddenly a thought hits her. "Wes?"

Harry nods sombrely. "He's playing rugby today; expecting Adam to be there. I'll go and tell him; I just needed to see you first."

Ruth nods in understanding. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, you stay here with James."

"Wes is going to be devastated."

"I know. I doubt he'll want to stay at school but I don't know what other option there is. Adam's parents are in South Africa; they're trying to get a flight home but it's looking like it will take a couple of days and Fiona's mum is still in hospital following her operation."

"Bring him back here; I'll make up the spare bedroom."

"Are you sure?"

Ruth nods. "He needs to be with people who care about him."

* * *

><p>Once Harry leaves, Ruth busies herself rearranging the spare room; shifting boxes and other odds and ends so it looks a little more homely. She strips off the pink flowery duvet set and replaces it with a plain blue one she's managed to find in the airing cupboard. She lays out some clean towels gives all the surfaces a wipe over and runs the hoover over the carpet.<p>

When James wakes, she drives to Harry's house to feed Scarlett but as she arrives she remembers how Harry had leant the dog to Wes after Fiona died. She packs up some food and squeaky toys and bundles Scarlett into the car, hoping that her presence might be of some comfort to the young boy who is now an orphan at the tender age of nine.

She calls at the shop on her way home to stock up on lemonade and Wes' favourite biscuits. Not that she thinks they will help to ease the pain but she wants him to feel at home. Back in her kitchen, she feeds James before pouring some soup into a pan and cutting some bread; both Wes and Harry will need to eat; even if they might not feel like it.

Once she has done all she can, she curls up on the sofa and flicks on the TV; it's mindless rubbish it doesn't matter; she's not really watching it. Her mind is on Adam; now that she has stopped rushing around her grief is threatening to engulf her. Her tears come hot and fast; running down her face.

* * *

><p>The front door opens and Ruth hurriedly wipes away her tears, not wanting Wes to see her in such a state. He pads slowly into the living room and Ruth can see the feint tear track on his face. Harry is right behind him, his hand on the boy's shoulder. Upon seeing Ruth sat on the sofa, Wes rushes forward, seeking comfort from her. He collapses into her and she engulfs him in her arms and rocks him back and forth, whispering incoherent words into his hair. She tries to reassure him that everything will be alright but she knows her words are hollow; nothing will be the same for him again. His heavy sobs wreck his whole body, and seeing him so upset causes her tears to start again. Harry joins them on the sofa and gently rubs Wes' back in soothing circular motions. As his tears lessen, Ruth slows her rocking and begins stroking his hair. Eventually silence fills the room and the three of them sit together, mourning the loss of a much loved colleague, friend and father.<p>

They've been sat quietly for several minutes when Harry's stomach rumbles loudly. Harry looks mortified, but it raises a small, if fleeting, smile from Wes.

"There's some soup in a pan on the stove; it just needs heating through," Ruth tells him.

As Harry stands to go and sort dinner, he is surprised to see Scarlett sat at his feet. He realises Ruth must have been and collected her and marvels once again at her ability to think outside the box; to work out what would help Wes cope with this. The dog, sensing something is wrong, jumps up onto Wes' lap and begins nuzzling into him. Wes lifts his arm, and Scarlett scurries underneath it, settling as Wes begins to gently pat and stroke her.

Harry returns ten minutes later to find Ruth, Wes and Scarlet in the same position on the sofa. Ruth with her arm around the young boy, the dog in his lap. He places the tray of soup he is carrying onto the coffee table and offers a bowl to Wes.

"I'm not hungry," he murmurs. His defeated tone breaks Ruth's heart and she gives him a gentle squeeze.

"Come on, Wes," urges Harry. "You need to try and eat something."

"I don't want to," he insists. Ruth gestures for Harry to leave it and takes the bowl from his hands for herself. Harry picks up his bowl, returns to the sofa and, following Ruth's lead, begins to eat. Eventually Wes is unable to resist the smell of the soup coming from either side of him, and silently gets up, much to Scarlet's displeasure, and retrieves the remaining bowl from the table along with a slice of bread. He sits back between Harry and Ruth and the three of them eat in silence; Scarlett at their feet gobbling up any bread crumbs that fall, and Fidget on the windowsill watching the world go by.

* * *

><p>Ruth closes the door of spare bedroom slightly and pads along the landing to her own bedroom. There, she finds Harry sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.<p>

"Hey," she says gently, perching beside him and placing her hand on his back.

"Is Wes asleep?"

"He is but I fear it may be a restless night."

"You were good with him before; when he wouldn't eat," comments Harry. "If it hadn't been for you I'd have continued to force him and God knows how that would have ended up."

"I've been there remember. I was only two years older than him when my Dad died." Ruth's voice catches; her father's death isn't something she's ever really talked about before. "Of course I still had my mum…but I was always a Daddy's girl at heart."

"How did you cope?"

"For the first two years I didn't really. I was completely devastated and it didn't help when my mother sent me away to boarding school. She thought she was doing the best by me; that being surrounded by memories of him I would be worse off, but it was the opposite. All I wanted was to be with my family; as a result I detested that school." Harry sits silently at her side, as she speaks about the most traumatic event in her life. "I sank in to a horrid depression; not clinical but just an overwhelming sadness that I couldn't shift. It wasn't until my 13th birthday that I finally realised that I would have to accept what had happened; nothing would bring my Dad back. So I made a decision, not to let it ruin my life. I threw myself into my work and forced myself to make friends, even when I didn't want to. I slowly learned to come to terms with it, but my life was changed irrevocably that day; I never really recovered, I merely adapted."

"Ruth; I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault Harry. Besides, if I hadn't thrown myself into my work I almost certainly wouldn't have gone to Oxford, ended up at GCHQ and never have been seconded to MI-5. And then, I'd never have met you."

Harry gathers her in his arms and holds her close. "Is it awful of me that I'm glad that didn't happen? Not that I don't wish your father was still alive but…"

Ruth gives him a sad smile. "I know what you mean."

Harry stifles a yawn. "Sorry."

"Don't be. It's been a long and emotional day. You need to get some rest…we both do."

Wearily, they change for bed and lie down in each other's arms. Neither will sleep properly; the events of the day weighing heavily in their minds, but they'll take comfort and strength from each other.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Please leave a review – with the new system it's even easier than before! Just type then click post comment!


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: **Well I've finished my training – I'M OFFICIALLY A TEACHER! And I've managed to get myself a job for September. That means lots of things to do/prepare and I'm trying to work over summer too to keep the money coming in, but I hope to be able to update quite regularly for the next few weeks. (Emphasis on the 'hope' part of that! Lol!)

Anyway – I hope you enjoy this chapter, despite it's sad subject matter.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

_Monday 19__th__ November 2007…_

"Thanks for doing this Catherine," Ruth says as she invites the younger woman in and shuts the front door behind her.

"No problem," Catherine replies. "How's Wes holding up?"

"He's quiet…withdrawn. It's to be expected I suppose. Today will be tough for him."

It's been 8 days since Adam's death but Wes is still staying with Ruth. His paternal grandparents had struggled to get a flight back from South Africa, but had still managed to organise the funeral for today from there. They had flown in late last night, along with Adam's brother and his family, and everyone had agreed that it was best not to disturb Wes; he would stay with Ruth until the funeral. Harry had stayed at Ruth's every night; wanting to be there for Wes.

Catherine has agreed to look after James whilst Harry and Ruth attend the funeral. Ruth had been about to call her mother to watch him, albeit reluctantly when Harry had suggested they ask Catherine. Ruth was unsure at first as Catherine doesn't have much experience with children, but she agreed eventually; Catherine dotes on James and he loves her and knows her better than his Grandmother. Harry had called her and she'd said she'd be happy to help out.

"He's had his breakfast," Ruth explains, as she leads Catherine to the kitchen. Opening the fridge she points to a small plastic tub. "That's his lunch, and he can have a yoghurt after. He'll probably want it about twelve o'clock, but I'm sure he'll let you know. We should be back before he needs his tea. There's bottles in the fridge too. He'll probably sleep for a couple of hours this afternoon, so feel free to dive into my bookshelves or DVD collection to entertain yourself."

Catherine nods. "Thanks, but I've got some footage to review from my latest shoot, so that should keep me busy while he's asleep."

"Okay. Well, they're there if you want them . Help yourself to anything in the kitchen too."

Ruth leads them back into the living room, where James is sat playing happily in his playpen.

"There you are!" coos Catherine. James' face lights up at the sound of Catherine's voice and he begins to babble excitedly.

"You must ring if you need anything," Ruth tells her. "I'll have my phone on vibrate."

"We'll be fine," Catherine assures, lifting James high in the air much to his delight "Won't we James? Eh?" Harry, who had been upstairs getting ready, enters and smiles at the sight of his daughter twirling James around the room.

He watches them for a few moments before announcing his presence. "I thought I heard your voice."

"Hi Dad." Catherine approaches and kisses him lightly as James raises a chubby hand and pats Harry's cheek.

Ruth excuses herself to go up and see if Wes is ready and Harry turns back to his daughter. "We really do appreciate this, Catherine."

"It's fine Dad, honestly. I was doing nothing else and besides, it's not exactly a hardship spending the day with this little one. Don't you worry about us, like I said to Ruth; we'll be fine. You need to concentrate on Wes today."

Harry nods. "I know."

"Are you okay?" Catherine asks, noticing Harry's troubled demeanour.

"I can't help but feel responsible; both his parents died on my watch."

Catherine puts a comforting hand on Harry's arm. "It's not your fault Dad; you didn't force them to be spies. I'm sure you did your best to protect them both."

Harry isn't convinced but he nods at Catherine's view to placate her. He knows he shouldn't have let Fiona work the Syrian case; he should have listened to Adam and kept her away from it. He should have worked harder to prevent the attack that took Adam's life. Hell, he should have tried harder to get Adam to leave the car where it was. These are the demons he has to live with; lost colleagues, lost friends and children left without parents. As he watches James babble to Catherine he is grateful that he has Ruth and the children to give his light some life.

* * *

><p>The service passes without incident. Wes is brave as he sits with his Grandparents listening to stories of his father's life. Harry and Ruth sit hand in hand a few rows behind with the rest of the team. Ros is crushed by Adam's death but she refuses to show it; Ruth often wondered if there was something bubbling under the service between them. Jo, who Adam had personally recruited for the service, isn't coping well either. She spends the entire service fighting back tears; Zaf with his arm around her, offering a little comfort. He and Malcolm aren't showing much emotion, but it's not due to not feeling. Adam's death has ripped a hole in the team; one that will probably never be fully filled.<p>

Wes breaks down at the graveside, as his father's coffin is lowered to join his mother's, laid there just under two years previously. The sight of Wes crying causes Ruth's composure to waver too, a single tear escaping and trickling down her cheek. She knows what it's like to lose a parent at such a young age. Watching Wes in that moment, she is transported back twenty six years to the funeral of her own father. Standing at the graveside on a cold, frosty morning wearing a navy coat that she had despised but her mother had insisted upon. The funeral had been well attended; her father was a well-respected man, but Ruth had had no desire to talk to or mingle with any of the people there. The only person she had wanted was the one who had just been lowered into the ground, but that wasn't possible and she was broken because of it. At least she'd still had one parent; her relationship with her mother had been better then; she can only imagine how much worse it must be for Wes.

Harry's warm, gloved hand taking hers brings her back to reality. She looks up and, upon seeing him fighting back his own tears, breaks down completely. Harry immediately wraps his arm around her shoulder and she turns into him, taking comfort from him. They stand like that for the remainder of the burial

* * *

><p>Back at Adam's parents for the wake, Harry and Ruth are making small talk with Fiona's father when they are approached by a tall, well-dressed man around a similar age to Adam.<p>

"Mr Pearce?" he enquires. Harry nods and the younger man extends his hand. Harry shakes it. "My name is Ben Dunlop. I was a friend of Adam's; we were at university together. I was also his and Fiona's solicitor. I wonder if it would be possible to have a quiet word?"

Harry excuses himself from the conversation and follows Ben out to the garden, a little perplexed as to why he should want to speak to him.

"I'll get straight to the point Mr Pearce," he begins as Harry dons his gloves to guard against the bitter chill. "After Fiona's death I encouraged Adam to think about making arrangements for provision for Wes should a similar fate befall him. I never thought it would, mind you…but it's best to be prepared. He was reluctant at first; it took him a while to even consider it but about six months ago he rang me and asked what he needed to do. He filed the paperwork with me a couple of months back."

"I thought you were getting straight to the point?" Harry prompts, still confused as to what the younger man wants him for.

"Well yes, I am. You see Mr Pearce, the person Adam appointed to be Wes' guardian in the event of his death is you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Dun, dun, dun! What will Harry's reaction be? Who knows. These characters can be unpredictable at times. I'll try not to keep you in suspense for too long.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:** Apologies for the delay in updating this chapter. Things aren't too good at home for me at the moment; my Mum is quite sick and I'm flat hunting, so with all the stress I've not really felt up to writing. I've been reading a lot of H/R fic though; it's been my escape. So thanks to those amazing writers out there who write for this fandom.

Just to note; the letters in this chapter were written before James' christening, and therefore, before Ruth and Harry had "come out" as a couple.

**Chapter 30**

_Previously…_

"_You see Mr Pearce, the person he appointed to be Wes' guardian in the event of his death is you."_

* * *

><p>"Me?" Harry is flabbergasted by the words of Adam's solicitor.<p>

"Yes. I did advise him to discuss this with you but I'm guessing from you reaction that he didn't."

"He did say a few months back that he needed to talk to me about something personal. But then something came up at work and we never got the chance to discuss it. If we had, I'd have probably questioned his sanity. What on earth was he thinking?"

"I can't answer that, but this might." Ben takes and envelope from his inside jacket pocket and hands it to Harry. It bears his name in Adam's familiar scrawl. "You're under no obligation of course; there are alternative arrangements in place should you feel the need to refuse."

"Which are?"

"Wes will be placed with his maternal grandparents as soon as his Grandmother is fully recovered. I urge you not to make any rash decisions. Read the letter and talk it through with your partner; I believe there is a letter in there for her too. Mr Pearce, I knew Adam; whatever his reasons for choosing you, they'll be damn good ones and will have Wes' best interests at heart."

"How do I get hold of you?"

Ben hands him a business card. "Don't hesitate to contact me with any questions; I'm sure there'll be many. I'm here to help."

Ben leaves him and Harry stares at the envelope in his hand; Adam's final communication to him; his last request, and wonders if he has the strength to open it.

* * *

><p>He is still stood there when Ruth finds him fifteen minutes later.<p>

"Harry?" He looks up at her and the depth of emotion swimming in his eyes is enough to tell her that whatever Ben wanted to talk to Harry about was big. "Harry?" she urges. "What's happened?"

"Apparently, Adam has nominated me as guardian to Wes."

"Oh, right." What else can she say? Neither of them expected this. The car is full of Wes' stuff in anticiption of him staying with one set of grandparents.

Harry waves the envelope at her. "A letter from Adam; explaining his decision."

"What did he say…if you don't mind me asking?"

"I've not read it yet. Hells bells Ruth, what on earth was he thinking. I'm not the right choice, surely? I'm the wrong side of fifty, I drink too much, my work is hardly conducive to parenting and I wasn't the best father to my own children when they were young!"

"You've committed yourself to James though," Ruth points out gently, "and he's younger than Wes."

"Yes, but he's got you. You're younger and healthier."

"And Wes will have me too. In case you've forgotten we're in a relationship Harry. You've taken on my child, do you really think if you take in Wes, I'll abandon you both? Like you said to me just before I told you I was pregnant; whatever happens, we'll get through this together."

"I'm sorry. I'm just not thinking clearly at the moment; I wasn't expecting this." Harry lets out a sigh and starts to open the letter from Adam. Ruth moves away but Harry's hand catches hers. "Where are you going?"

"That's a private letter Harry, you should be alone when you read it."

"I want you to stay. Besides, Adam's solicitor implied there was something in here for you too."

"Me?"

Harry nods and withdraws two folded sets of paper from the envelope. He finds the one addressed to him and begins to read.

_23__rd__ Sept 2007_

_Harry, _

_If you're reading this then the worst has happened and Wes is alone. I hope it was a brave death and not something mundane like getting run over._

_Anyway, I digress. The point of this letter is to let you know that I am nominating you as guardian to Wes. This may come as a bit of a shock. If so, I'm sorry; I have tried to speak to you about it and will continue to do so but who knows if I will ever find the time._

_You're probably wondering why I've chosen you over either set of Wes' grandparents and my siblings. Fiona's parents just aren't well enough to cope with him, as much as I'm sure they'd love to have him, and my parents are considering moving out to South Africa to be nearer Jack and I don't want Wes to have to move to a foreign country. As for Olivia; well, as much as I love my sister, she's not the maternal type at all as she'll tell you. But it wasn't just a matter of elimination that led me to this decision. When you think about someone else raising your child no-one seems right. No-one is you. So you choose someone who is most like you. Someone that will give the child a taste of their real parents; the ones they lost and never really got to know. And despite the fact that you can't bear to utter the word 'cool' and think that being seen at work without a tie is almost tantamount to treason, we are alike in so many ways. We have the same core values and beliefs and I know that you have the same hopes and aspirations for Wes as I do. That's why I chose you. I know that you made mistakes with your own children, but you've learnt from them and tried to put them right. I trust you won't make the same mistakes with Wes. _

_If you do need help, you've always got Ruth. You've not said anything but I know you're in a relationship. I've enclosed a letter for her too. If you're still together when you get this, please pass it onto her. I didn't want to name you both as guardians as I didn't want to cause undue tension if you'd split up. Not that I really expect that to happen, but you never know with you two! If you and Ruth are happy that you're both in this for the long haul then I would love for you both to take care of Wes; I am more than happy for you to have joint guardianship. There will of course be financial provision for him; my solicitor will inform you of all that._

_Thank you Harry, for everything you have done over the years for Wes, Fiona and myself. I hope it's not too much to ask this one last favour of you, but I understand if you feel you can't undertake it. I know you'll look out for him either way. _

_Look after yourself, _

_Adam. _

By the time Harry finishes his letter there are fresh tears forming in his eyes. His friend is entrusting his precious son to his care; what higher honour is there? He feels Ruth's hand on his arm; a comforting presence.

"It'll be okay," she tells him. He merely nods and hands her her letter. She takes it from him and opens it, her lip quivering as she reads her friend's last message for her.

_23__rd__ Sept 2007_

_Ruth,_

_What can I say? If Harry has given you this then:  
>a) the worst has happened and I have died, and<br>b) you and Harry are still together  
>So, I guess the first thing to say is don't cry too much; remember me fondly and smile! We had some good times Ruth; you were such a good friend once you got my name right!<em>

_The second thing is congratulations. You and Harry haven't actually said anything to us yet, but it's obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that you are a couple. I'm glad; it's about time you stopped worrying about what others think and went after what you want, what makes you happy; you deserve it. _

_I assume Harry's told you by now what I've asked him to do. I know it may seem like a strange choice, but I honestly do think he's the best person to take care of Wes; I think it would be good for both of them. I wouldn't dare to presume that just because you and Harry are together that you would want to take responsibility for Wes too, especially considering that as I'm writing this your own son is barely three months old. But if Harry accepts the guardianship and you want to share it with him, I'm more than happy for you to do it._

_I've seen you with James; you're a great mother. Very similar to Fiona, so Wes will be lucky to have you in his life in whatever capacity you see fit. You'll provide him with glimpses of his Mum and through Harry, hopefully he'll see something of me. _

_Stay strong,_

_Adam x_

"So, what do you think?" he asks as she finishes her letter and wipes away a tear.

"It's obvious isn't it," she replies. "Wes needs us; we have to take him. Plus, it's what Adam wanted."

Harry nods. "It won't be easy but you're right of course. He must come home with us."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

_Still Monday 19__th__ November 2007…_

"I'm going to be staying with you?" Wes asks when Harry and Ruth take him aside to explain what is happening.

"Yes."

"I don't understand. I thought I was going to stay with Granny and Grandpa."

"We thought so too," explains Ruth, "but your Dad had left letters for me and Harry asking us to take care of you if anything happened to him. We only found out about them today."

"Oh."

"Is that okay?" Ruth asks.

"Yeh, I suppose. But you and Uncle Harry don't live in the same house…" Wes points out.

"We'll sort something out," Harry explains. "We've been thinking about living together anyway."

Ruth shoots him a questioning glance; it's the first she's heard of it, but Wes' voice prevents Harry from responding. "Will I have to change schools?"

"We don't know yet," Ruth tells him honestly. "It's something we'll have to talk about. And don't worry about your Grandparents. You can see them as often as you like. We'll work something out."

Wes nods, before spotting his cousins out in the garden, kicking a ball around. "Can I go outside?" he asks, looking between Harry and Ruth unsure of who to ask. They exchange a look and Harry nods. Wes rushes from the room, Ruth calling after him to put his coat on.

Once Wes is out of the room, she turns to Harry. "What's this about us thinking of moving in together?"

"I didn't want Wes to think that we were doing it for him; that he was causing any problems. Besides, I have been thinking about it…wondering when would be the best time to ask you."

"And you thought here, now was a good idea?"

"Well no, but I-"

"Relax Harry, I'm teasing. I've thought about it too, and not just because of Wes," she admits with a blush.

"So we're okay?"

"Yes, as long as you're not planning on proposing to me at a funeral, we should be just fine," she advises with a slight smile.

"I'll bear that in mind," he assures her, his heart leaping slightly at the fact that she is thinking about marriage.

* * *

><p>"I beg your pardon?" David Carter is not happy with what Harry has just told him.<p>

"I said, Adam has left instructions in his will for Ruth and I to care for Wes."

"There must be some mistake," reasons Adam's mother, Abby.

"There's been no mistake. It's what Adam wanted."

"Don't you dare presume to tell us what our son would have wanted!" shouts David. "Not when it's your fault he's dead!"

Harry grits his teeth, but Ruth can see that the comment cuts deep. "Adam knew the risks when he signed up for the service," he reminds them calmly.

"Maybe. But you still allowed him to put himself in mortal danger despite the fact that his son had lost his mother less than two years ago."

"I am not going to stand here and debate this with you," Harry states. "Adam's wishes are clear. Wes comes with us."

"And what about when the same things happen to you; you both do the same job as Adam and Fiona. Then Wes will have to go through this all again."

"As opposed to if he stays with you and your wife, who are older than Ruth and I…."

"Not much older than you," David shoots back. "Wes should be with his family."

"Tell me, Mr Carter; before today when was the last time you saw Wesley? Hmm. You spend that much time out of the country that you barely know him."

Ruth catches sight of a slight movement through the crack in the door and spots Wes loitering in the hallway. She wonders how much he has heard and realises she must intervene. "That's enough!" Her outburst draws the attention of everyone in the room. "Arguing like this isn't going to help anyone…especially not Wes."

Ruth indicates towards the door and Harry realises her meaning immediately. "Wes," he calls. "I know you're out there. Can you come in here for a moment?"

The door slowly opens and Wes enters with a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry Uncle Harry; I didn't mean to listen. I was just walking past the door and I heard my name."

"How long have you been listening?"

"Not long, I promise."

"What did you hear Wes?" pressed Ruth; they need to know how much he has heard. "You're not in trouble. Things have been said in here in the heat of the moment; things that people don't mean and we just want to make sure we put you right on them, that's all.

"I didn't hear much Aunt Ruth, I swear. Just Grandpa saying I should be with family and then Uncle Harry saying that they barley know me."

"Nothing before that?"

"No. I promise. Why are you fighting?"

"They're not fighting; they're just having a difference of opinion," Ruth says, trying to placate Wes who is not convinced.

"No, they're fighting. It's about me and where I'm going to live isn't it?" He turns to his grandfather with an accusing glance, not unlike his father's. "Why?"

David looks at Wes. "Because we want what is best for you."

"I thought Dad had already decided what's best for me."

"Wes, you can't possibly understand all this, you're just a child."

"I do understand! Why is nobody listening to what I want? I might only be nine but that shouldn't mean I can't have a say in my own life!"

"You're right Wes," agrees Harry. "You should be allowed to voice your opinion. Go on."

"I want what Dad wanted. I want to stay with Uncle Harry and Aunt Ruth. They've already said I can see you guys whenever I want and I like living in London; I don't want to move, especially not to South Africa."

"But Wes-"

"No. No buts. That's what I want."

Harry addresses David Carter, who is left speechless by his Grandson's words. "I think that's settled then." He moves towards the door before turning to the young boy who is now in his charge. "Wes, do you want to say your goodbyes; I think we should start making our way home?"

Wes nods. "Okay Uncle Harry."

Harry leads Ruth from the room, his hand on the small of her back and they exit the house.

"Do you believe Wes; that he didn't hear us?" Harry asks as they wait in the car.

"Yes. I think he was telling the truth; but whether he was or he wasn't, there will come a time when he'll want to know more about his parents' deaths Harry. What do we do then?"

"I don't know. I'm hoping that won't happen for a few years at least."

"He's a bright boy, inquisitive too. I wouldn't be surprised if it's sooner than either of us wish. We should give it some consideration."

"And we will; but for now, let's just concentrate on getting him settled again."

Ruth is about to reply when Wes appears at the door with his Aunt and Uncle. They exchange hugs and make promises to keep in touch before Wes makes his way to the car. He scrambles into the back and straps himself in.

Harry glances at him through the rear view mirror. "Ready Wes?"

With one last look at his Grandparents' house, Wes nods. "Ready Uncle Harry. Let's go home."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

_Still Monday 19__th__ November 2007…_

Wes falls asleep on the drive home, the strain of the day combined with his early morning catching up with him, which gives Harry and Ruth some time to talk.

"So," begins Ruth, with a quick glance in the back to check Wes is definitely is asleep, "where had you planned on us living in this grand scheme of yours?"

Harry is startled for a moment, but relaxes when he sees the soft, teasing glint in her eyes. "I'd hardly call it a scheme, Ruth. It was just an idea."

"A nice idea though," she relents.

"Only nice?"

"Okay then, wonderful; delightful; magnificent; superlative, br-"

"There's no need to be sarcastic," he retorts playfully.

"Sorry. It will be ni-, I mean lovely, living together."

"I certainly like to think so. I'm sorry the circumstances of my asking left a lot to be desired."

"Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts. Anyway, we've digressed."

"Conversation shifts; it's what we're good at, remember?"

The memory brings a smile to her face. "I remember, but as I was saying; you've not answered my question."

"I hadn't really thought about the logistics of it," Harry admits. "I don't suppose it matters much."

"I'm not sure I want to move though," she confesses. "I have good memories of my house. It's James' first home, plus it's the place we had our first kiss, and where we…slept together for the first time. Ruth's voice is quiet, conscious of the young ears in the back of the car.

"Some good memories," Harry agrees, reaching over and squeezing her hand.

"What about you?"

"Me? No tangible memories really; it's never really been a home, not like your house. I'd be happy to move in with you. If you'll have me that is?"

"Of course."

"Good. That's settled then."

* * *

><p>Harry puts his house on the market the following day and he and Wes officially move in with Ruth on the Saturday, helped by Malcolm, Zaf, and Jo. They start with Wes' things; he and Ruth packing up his room, while the rest sombrely box up mementos of Adam, that Wes may want in the future. They work quickly and the boxes are occupying Wes' new room by lunchtime. After a quick bite to eat, Harry, Malcolm and Zaf head back out, leaving Ruth, Jo and Wes to sort out his new room. The men proceed to Harry's house to collect the boxes he's managed to pack in two evenings. He's selling his furniture, one of those house clearance companies. He sees no point in keeping it; Ruth has everything they need.<p>

They're just loading the last couple of boxes into the car when Graham appears.

"Dad?" he asks questioningly, noting the box.

Harry is surprised to see him. They have spoken on the phone a couple of times and they had a drink together the day before Adam's death but his son has never visited him at home before.

"Graham. Hi."

"Hi. What's going on?"

"I erm…I'm moving in with Ruth."

"Oh right. Congratulations." Graham's tone is clipped and Harry knows why.

"I was going to ring. I need to tell Catherine too but things have been…hectic."

Graham nods, understanding. "I'm sorry about your friend. Catherine told me when I saw her last Sunday."

"Fancy a pint? I need to fill you in on a few things."

* * *

><p>Harry sends Zaf and Malcolm back Ruth's to start unloading and he and Graham head round the corner to the local pub. They find a quiet table and Harry fills his son in on the developments in his life over the past two weeks.<p>

"So you're moving in with Ruth for the kid's sake?" he asks.

"Wes deserves a proper family."

"Like Cat and I did, only it didn't seem to matter then."

Harry looks down shamefully. "I was young then. Too young to understand what being a father meant. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't change anything, but I did love you; both of you. I was naïve back then; I thought that loving you and your Mum would be enough to hold our family together, that it would overcome any obstacle, but it wasn't. I realise that now. I know I made mistakes Graham, but I've learnt from them and I'm not going to repeat them with James or Wes. I'd like to be there for you too, be a father, if you'll let me."

Graham considers his father's words and nods slowly. "That's part of the reason I came by your house…" He hesitates for a moment, before taking a deep breath and continuing, "I've been chatting to Abby; she's been helping me sort some things out…about the past…about us. Anyway, she wants to meet you…if you want to that is…don't feel you have to."

"I'd love to," Harry tells him, eager to take the opportunity to be involved in his son's life.

Graham smiles. "Good, great."

"Perhaps the two of you would like to come round for a meal one evening? I'm sure Ruth won't mind."

"I'd prefer it if we went out actually. Ruth is more than welcome to join us of course."

Harry understands; going out to eat means neutral ground and less chance of an argument or a scene due to the public nature of their location. "That sounds good," he agrees.

"Right, well I'll speak to Abby and get back to you with some dates. I need to check her work commitments."

"What is it that she does?"

"She's a teacher, so coming up to Christmas can be a busy time for her, with Nativity plays, carol concerts and discos and the like."

"I remember your first nativity play; you were a shepherd and the tea towel kept falling off your head."

Graham chuckles lightly. "Oh God, so it did! I don't remember you being there," he admits.

"I was late; snuck in at the back and had to leave as soon as it finished, but I was there."

Graham digests the information; maybe he hadn't been as hard-done-by by his father as he liked to make out. He stands to leave and offers his hand, if a little awkwardly. "I'd better get going," Graham tells him. "Thanks for the drink, and I'll let you know about the meal."

Harry stands too and shakes his sons proffered hand. "Can you give us as much notice as possible; we'll need to arrange a babysitter?"

"Sure; no problem. I'll ring you in the week." Graham takes his coat from the back of the chair and heads for the door. "Bye Dad!" he calls over his shoulder and Harry is left alone. A few minutes later he himself leaves the pub, buoyed by the progress that seems to have been made between himself and his son.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

_Friday 14__th__ December 2007 7.35pm_

Harry holds the door for Ruth as they enter the restaurant that Graham has chosen for this meeting. Jo is watching Wes and James, with help from Zaf. At least he's supposed to be helping, Harry thinks he'll be more of a hindrance and Ruth suspects there may be another reason for his presence, a more romantic one. She hasn't shared these with Harry though, not yet; not until she's sure. Even then she will do it delicately; she knows how it feels to have a burgeoning relationship thwarted by gossip.

"Good evening, table for two?" the Maître-de welcomes them.

"Good evening. No, my son has booked a table," Harry informs him. "Pearce?"

The Maître-de consults his list, "Ah yes. Pearce; table for four. Your son and his companion are already here, so if you would like to follow me." He leads them through the restaurant and as they walk, Ruth can tell Harry doesn't quite know what to make of the place. It's a bit too modern for him and Ruth prays he will hold his tongue. Tonight needs to go smoothly; she fears Harry and Graham's relationship will never recover if it doesn't.

Graham stands as they reach the table. "Hi Dad."

They shake hands. "Hello son. You remember Ruth."

"Of course. Nice to see you again." He greets her with a small, if slightly awkward, hug. As they pull away, he indicates the brunette sat next to him. "This is Abby. Abby this is my father, Harry and his partner, Ruth."

Harry and Ruth greet Abby and take their seats.

"I hope this place is okay," Abby offers as they peruse the menu. "We've never been before; it was recommended by a friend.

"Well the food certainly looks good," Ruth offers.

"What do you think Dad?" Graham asks. Ruth presses her foot gently onto Harry's under the table and fixes him with a look. It's one that will appear innocent to anyone else, but that Harry will know means he's to be careful what he says.

"Ruth's right, the food does look good, it's a nice atmosphere too." Ruth releases his toes and flashes him a grateful smile before looking back at her menu.

They make small talk whilst choosing their meals, discussing the various options available to them. Once the waiter has taken their order a silence falls over the table, Harry and Graham struggling to find something to talk about. It's Ruth who breaks the silence, addressing Abby.

"Graham tells us you're a teacher?"

"For my sins, yes," she quips. "No seriously, it's not too bad. When I'm in the classroom with the kids it's great, but when I'm sat at home planning and marking on a Saturday night, it's not ideal."

"She's great at it though," interjects Graham, giving Abby a smile who in turn blushes at his comment. "I was temping for a delivery company and I had a drop off at the school; that's how we met. She was amazing – the children were enraptured!"

As his son talks about his girlfriend, Harry realises how in love the young couple are and he is thankful that Graham is somehow managing to forge a successful relationship after everything he's been through. God knows, he and Jane didn't provide the greatest of examples.

They listen to more stories from Abby; funny things the kids have said or done, before their starters arrive. Once they have eaten and the plates have been cleared, it is Graham that initiates the next topic of conversation.

"So, how's the little one? James?"

"He's doing really well, thanks," Ruth beams, obviously proud of her son.

"That's good. He must be getting big now."

"He was 6 months last week," Harry tells them, "and he's learning new things every day."

A silence falls again and Graham looks like he wants to ask something but changes his mind at the last minute, at which Abby rolls her eyes slightly and asks on his behalf. "We've been wondering what to get him for Christmas. Is there anything in particular he needs?"

"Please don't think you have to-" Ruth begins but is cut off by Graham.

"We want to," he tells her before taking a deep breath. Obviously whatever he is about to say is difficult for him. "I mean, what kind of a big brother would I be if I didn't get him anything for his first Christmas."

Harry's surprise is audible. Graham hasn't shown much interest in James since discovering his existence so his words come as bit of a shock, albeit a good one.

"Clothes would be good," he hears Ruth say, "but maybe buy a bigger size, so he can grow into them?"

Harry nods his agreement. "Which won't take long the rate he's growing; I swear he gets heavier each time I pick him up."

Graham decides it's time to chance a joke. "Are you sure that's not just your age?" he teases causing a ripple of laughter around the table.

"Cheeky sod," Harry shoots back with a smile.

The main courses arrive, and they are all tucking in heartily when a thought suddenly occurs to Harry. "What are you two doing for Christmas?" he asks between mouthfuls of veal scaloppini. Graham shifts uncomfortably in his seat and it doesn't take long for Harry to figure out why. "You're spending it with your Mum?" he surmises.

"Yeh, Catherine and Fabien too."

"Maybe you could pop over on Boxing Day then?"

"Actually, we're going up to my parents then; in Leeds," Abby replies when Graham fails to.

Harry tries to hide his disappointment. "Oh, well I'm sure we'll see you sometime over the festive period."

"Maybe…" Graham begins hesitantly having sensed his father's disappointment. "Maybe we could come over in the evening on Christmas Day? Mum's cooking for about one o'clock so I'm sure the four of us could nip out for a few hours later on. I'll need to double check with Cat but I can't see it being a problem."

Harry can't help but smile as he thinks of being surrounded by his family on Christmas for the first time in years. "That sounds wonderful; it will be good to see you and you can finally meet James properly."

"Is that okay with you Ruth?" Abby asks, aware that the men haven't consulted her.

"It's fine," she assures. She truly doesn't mind, how could she when Harry looks so happy and content at the prospect? "Harry's right, it will be nice to all be together at Christmas. Plus it gives me a reason to turn down my mother's invitation for lunch!"

For the rest of the evening conversation is flowing more freely. Graham tells Harry and Ruth about his job and the prospects of promotion. Working for a delivery company isn't what Harry wanted for his son when he was younger; he was clever enough to go to university and study medicine or law, but after the trails he has been through, Harry is proud of him.

He recalls the conversation he had with Ruth just after James' christening; how she had pointed out that it would probably be a good idea to let Graham know that he loved him and was proud of him, so when Abby and Ruth excuse themselves to visit the ladies he decides to take the opportunity.

"Typical women," Graham comments. "Conveniently disappearing at the same time as the bill arrives."

"I'm glad they've given us a bit of time actually; there's something I want to say to you."

"Should I be worried?"

"No, it's nothing bad. It's just…it occurred to me…well, Ruth pointed it out actually…that you may not be aware of how proud I am of you…how much I love you. So I thought perhaps I should tell you, that I am and I do. Very much so on both counts."

It's not the most articulate expression of love Graham has ever heard but he doesn't really expect anything else; his father has never been very effusive about these things. It is heartfelt though, he can tell that, and that's really all that matters.

He stands and shakes his father's hand, "Thanks Dad. That means a lot."

Harry pulls him into a quick hug and pats him on the back, but lets him go as he sees the women returning.

"Everything okay?" Ruth asks as she glances between Harry and Graham.

Harry lets Graham respond. "Yeh. Everything's fine." And as she looks between the two of them she can tell that for the first time in a long time, it really is.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Nobody minds Christmas in Aug do they? Hope not cos that's the next chapter.

doodles/finder/2012/All%20doodles


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

_Tuesday 25__th__ December 2007 7.20am_

Ruth is awoken by the feel of a hand on her face; a hand too small to be Harry's. She forces an eye open and smiles sleepily as she finds that Harry has brought James in to her. Their son is dressed in the Christmas Pudding outfit that Catherine had bought for him the previous week, claiming that it 'was just too cute not to', much to Harry's displeasure.

"Merry Christmas darling," Harry whispers giving her a quick kiss.

"Merry Christmas to you too," she replies before turning her attention to her son. "Happy First Christmas baby," she coos at him, rubbing her nose against his. She turns back to Harry. "You hate this outfit," she reminds him.

"It's not my favourite, no, but you like it and it is Christmas after all. Besides, it'll probably have breakfast all over it soon so we can choose something much more sensible when we change him."

"Not before we get a photo of him," Ruth insists.

"That'll be one for him to treasure," quips Harry, earning a playful shove from Ruth.

"Is Wes up?" she asks.

"I haven't heard him. I'm surprised actually; I was expecting him to be awake much earlier than this."

"Yes, but this isn't exactly an average Christmas for him is it?"

"No, it's not," agrees Harry.

"We have to try and make this as normal as possible for him though."

"It'll all be okay. He's a resilient boy."

"I hope so."

"Why don't you take James downstairs and I'll go and wake him," Harry suggests.

* * *

><p>Harry knocks lightly on Wes' door before entering. Much to his surprise he finds Wes is awake; he's sat up in bed, looking a photograph and oblivious to Harry's presence.<p>

"Hi," Harry says softly.

Wes looks up and upon realising Harry is in his room, he tries to conceal the photograph. "Erm..Hi."

"What were you looking at?" Harry asks as he makes his way over to the bed. He can see tears in the corners of Wes' eyes.

"Oh, nothing."

"Was it your Mum and Dad?" Harry asks gently. Wes nods silently, retrieving the photo from under the duvet. "Why did you try to hide it?"

Wes shrugs. "Thought you might think it was stupid. Crying over a photo."

Harry perches on the edge of the bed. "Can I see it?" he requests. Wes hands him the photo. The edges are beginning to crumple a little, a sign of how often it's been handled. "I remember this photo being taken," he tells him. "It was Ruth's birthday; we'd all gone for a drink after work."

"They look happy," Wes observes.

"They were. Don't ever doubt that. Or how much they loved you." A single tear escapes Wes' eyes and Harry feels it best not to push the point. "As soon as the shops open tomorrow, we'll go and get a frame for this eh? Stop it getting damaged." He puts the photo on Wes' bedside table and rises from the bed. "Now come on, up you get. Ruth and James are already downstairs and are eagerly waiting to find out what Father Christmas left for you."

"There's no such thing as Father Christmas, Uncle Harry!" he tells him, with a look that is a replica of Adam's.

Harry is halfway to the door but turns back. "You might not believe but James will for a few years so you'll have to play along."

"Aunt Ruth says he's too young to remember anything at the moment."

"Call it practice then," Harry says, determined that Wes will live in childhood fantasy for as long as possible; he's known too much heartache in his short life. "Now come on; I heard there might be pancakes for breakfast."

"Pancakes? Really?" Wes' face lights up and he jumps out of bed and races downstairs.

Harry follows behind, albeit a little slower and as he is descending the stairs he hears Ruth say, with a chuckle, "Pancakes indeed! Well let's hope Uncle Harry knows where the frying pan is then!"

Harry begins to wish he'd promised something easier, like toast.

* * *

><p>They sit in the living room, surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbon. Wes is sat on the floor by the tree; he's been given the job of handing out presents. Harry is in his chair, claiming he'd never get back up if he got down on the floor. Ruth is sat in between his legs on the floor, leaning back against the chair with James on her knee.<p>

Wes selects another present from the pile under the tree, looks at the tag and hands it to James. It'd from Jo and Zaf. Ruth smiles as she realises they're sending joint Christmas presents now. James tears open the present, with some help from Ruth, and begins to eat the wrapping paper. He has no interest in the actual toys, but is utterly fascinated by the packaging they are housed in. Ruth removes the paper from his mouth, and focuses his attention on the toy. It's a musical farm animal keyboard. She presses the chicken for him and it clucks, she presses the cow and it moos, which makes James giggle. He reaches out his hand and presses the cow for himself. Another giggle. And again.

"I think you're going to get fed up of that cow, Ruth," laughs Harry.

"We'll just save this toy for when you're at home," she retorts.

"I think I need to have a word with Mr Younis," Harry mutters.

A few more presents are handed out and for every one that Ruth or Harry receive, the boys get about five. By the time they are down to the last three presents, James is sitting among a mountain of gift-wrap, his head barely visible. He's enjoying himself though.

"This is for you from Uncle Harry," Wes tells Ruth as he hands her a long, thin present, neatly wrapped in gold paper. She takes it eagerly and begins to open it with 'help' from James. Inside there is a box from an upmarket London jewellers. She snaps open the box to find a white gold bracelet.

"Oh Harry!" she gasps, gently lifting the bracelet from its cushion. The white gold links are twisted to give it a more delicate, feminine look. "It's beautiful. Thank you." Placing James on the floor she kneels up and kisses him lightly. "I think we need to find Uncle Harry's present from me now, Wes."

"Got it right here," he answers, handing the square present to Harry. Harry opens it and chuckles. "What's the matter Uncle Harry? What is it?"

Harry holds up the contents, revealing a box from the very same jewellers as his present to Ruth.

"Well you know what they say; great minds think alike," she smiles. "I hope you like it."

"As long as the contents aren't the same, I'm sure I will."

"Oh, I don't know," Ruth says cheekily, holding her bracelet against his wrist. "I think it suits you."

Harry jerks his arm away as Ruth and Wes laugh, and he focuses on his present. It's a new watch; he'd made a passing comment one morning that his old one was looking a bit battered. He knows from the make and shop it came from that it can't have been cheap but it's not ostentatious or gaudy; it's sleek and professional.

"Is…is it okay?"

"It's perfect Ruth, thank you." They share another kiss. "Only one present left now," he observes as he pulls away.

"I wonder who it could be for?" Ruth asks pointedly.

Wes lifts it and reads the tag. It's for him of course, from Harry and Ruth. He tears into it, throwing the wrapping paper over his shoulder, much to James delight. "A Nintendo DS?! Wow. Thanks Uncle Harry, thanks Aunt Ruth." He gets up and hugs them both.

"I hope it's the right one," Harry tells him. "I'm not too good with technology."

"It's great, honestly."

"Good."

"I'm hungry," Wes exclaims.

"Me too," agrees Ruth with a pointed look at Harry. "Didn't someone say something about pancakes?"

Harry can take a hint. "Alright, I'm going."

* * *

><p>While Harry clatters around the kitchen, Ruth and Wes clear the floor of wrapping paper. They start with the piles nearest James to prevent him from trying to eat any more of it but James is undeterred. As his Mum and Wes fill the bin bag, he leans forward on his hands and knees and begins to crawl.<p>

"Aunt Ruth, James is crawling!" Wes exclaims.

Ruth whips round and, sure enough, her son is determinedly making his way toward a big shiny silver bow in the middle of the floor. "Harry!" she calls. "Come here. Quickly!"

Harry dashes in, looking for some kind of emergency and is confused when he doesn't find one. "What is it?"

"Look," she tells him, pointing to James. Wes is continuing to move the bow out of his reach each time he gets closer to it, encouraging James to keep moving.

Harry's eyes widen as he realises what has happened and he breaks into a wide grin. Sweeping down, he picks James up and praises him. "That's my boy!"

James, confused as to what has caused the sudden attention, and annoyed at being distracted from his task, reaches towards Wes who is still holding the bow and wails.

"I think he wants this," We says. He hands the bow to James and he quietens instantly. Wes catches a hint of something in the air and sniffs. "Is something burning?"

"Hells bells!" cries Harry, handing James to Ruth. "The pancakes!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hope nobody minds Christmas at this time of year! It was that time in the timeline and I didn't think I could really skip James' first Christmas. I also felt it was time for a bit of a light hearted chapter; the last few have been quite heavy.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

_Tuesday 25__th__ December 2007 6.35pm_

"Why does it smell of burnt pancakes?" asks Graham as he, Abby, Catherine and Fabien arrive later that evening, the smell having hung around despite the cooking of a traditional Christmas dinner. His question causes Wes and Ruth to start laughing and for Harry to give them an icy stare.

"Come on through," Ruth invites through her laughter, "and I'll explain."

There's not a lot of space, but Wes and Graham sit on the floor, allowing Harry and Ruth to take one sofa and Abby, Catherine and Fabien to take another. Once they're all ensconced in the living room around the fire Ruth tells them about the morning.

"So he's on the move now?" comments Abby. "Good luck keeping up with him!"

"Oh goodness, I know!" agrees Ruth. "I won't be able to turn my back for a second."

"Yeh Dad, you might want to get fit," teases Catherine.

"Cutting down on pancakes should do it," adds Graham with a cheeky grin. "If you carry on burning them every time then it won't take long!"

This elicits another chuckle from Wes and Catherine. Even Fabien and Abby fail to hide their smiles.

When the furore dies down, Harry speaks. "Has everyone finished laughing at me now?!" Wes, Catherine and Graham do their best to look contrite but fail miserably. "Because if so, I believe there are some presents around her somewhere that need opening."

Ruth is retrieving the presents from around the back of the tree when James wakes. She struggles to get up quickly but Harry tells her not to worry; he'll go and get him. By the time Ruth has sorted the presents into four piles, Harry is returning with James.

"I think he must have heard the word presents," Harry comments as he sits down with James.

"Hi little man," coos Catherine as Fabien reaches out and takes his hand, shaking it gently.

"He's gorgeous," comments Abby, waving at him.

"Well I'd have to agree with you there," says Harry. "Takes after his mum."

"Awww," gush Catherine and Abby. Ruth merely blushes and takes a renewed interest in the tags on the presents; double checking they're all in the right piles.

There is only Graham who hasn't commented on, or interacted with James as yet and he knows that his reaction here could possibly dictate how the rest of the evening progresses. Abby and Catherine know that too; he can feel their eyes on him; waiting with bated breath to see how he handles it. He looks at his Dad holding this child that is not biologically his but who he obviously adores and who obviously adores him. He reminds himself, as Abby is fond of doing, that his father was probably like that with him when he was a child; he's just too young to remember. So he swallows down the pang of jealousy he feels and shuffles closer the sofa where they are sat.

Reaching up to ruffle James' hair, Graham smiles at him. "Hiya mate."

James regards this stranger for a moment before concluding that he is friend not foe and returns the smile. "Ga!"

The tension that had built up instantly dissipates and, throwing Graham a grateful smile, Ruth begins handing out presents.

She and Harry have bought Catherine some accessories for her new HD camcorder and a CD of a band they have never heard of whilst Fabien has got a new shirt and a book Catherine told them he wanted. They've got Graham a new phone and a jumper and for Abby they decided on make-up and a scarf, not really knowing her well enough to chance anything more personal.

Harry receives a very fine bottle of single malt from Graham and Abby as well as a CD of Mahler's 4th Symphony, while Ruth receives a scarf and a bottle of perfume. Catherine and Fabien buy a new tie for Harry and earrings for Ruth; they also get a joint present - tickets to the Opera in January with a promise to babysit. The boys don't do too badly either, Wes gets two new games for his Nintendo DS and a ton of chocolate and James gets new clothes from and a pop-up toy which Harry unboxes immediately much to the little boys delight.

As Harry plays with James, Catherine produces another present, flatter and squarer than the others. "We do have another present for both of you. From all of us, Wes and James included."

She hands the present to Ruth who takes great care in opening it. Peeling the paper back gently, she sees that is as a photobook. She flips through it, her smile growing bigger as she turns each page. There are a variety of photos of James that chart the first six months of his life. The first page contains the two ultrasounds she had and James' first picture when he was born. These are followed by photos of him with Harry and Ruth in several different contexts; half of which Ruth doesn't even remember being taken, but they've taken that many that's hardly surprising. On the centre pages of the booklet there are photos of the other children. Catherine and Graham when they were younger, with their Dad and now they are older with their respective partners. Wes is there too; a recent school photo and one of him taken with Harry and Ruth at the Christening.

Ruth feels tears pricking at her eyes. "Thank you Catherine; it's beautiful." She stands and embraces the younger woman.

"It wasn't just me. I had help. Wes helped me smuggle out the photos and Graham helped me choose and scan them. It was a bit of a rush job but we managed it. I was worried it wouldn't arrive in time, but for once Royal Mail didn't let me down."

"Makes a change," quips Harry. He places James on the floor with his new toy and takes the book from Ruth. He looks through it before embracing his daughter. "Thank you sweetheart." He approaches Graham, who stands. "Thanks son." He gives him a hug, it's still not as natural as it with Catherine, but it's less awkward than it had been at the restaurant. Turning to Wes, he ruffles the young boy's hair, "And you…how did you manage to smuggle all those photos out to Catherine?"

Wes shrugs his shoulders, "It was easy!" he says with what can only be described as an enigmatic smile. Harry shares a look with Ruth; Wes is so much like both his parents. Neither will be surprised if he decides to join the service when he's older and, as much as they might not want him to endanger himself, they know that the service will be lucky to have him.

"Is anyone hungry?" Ruth asks, wanting to fend off the feelings of sadness when she thought about Adam and Fiona.

"Actually, there's one more thing," Fabien announces much to the surprise of Harry and Ruth. He's never been one to put himself in the centre of attention at family gatherings; preferring to sit back and let Catherine take the lead. As the young man takes Catherine's hand, Ruth catches Graham's eye and realises what is going to happen. She smiles.

"Last night, I asked Catherine if she would do me the great honour of becoming my wife and she said yes."

Even though she had worked out what was happening, she still can't stop the small squeal that escapes her and she grabs Catherine, giving her a congratulatory hug.

Fabien addresses Harry. "I know that it is tradition to ask the father of the woman you want to marry for her hand, but I was unable to speak to you beforehand. Is it okay, do I…do we have your blessing?"

Harry looks at his daughter laughing and smiling with Ruth over her engagement. Like most fathers, he wonders if anyone is good enough for his little girl but, he reasons, he makes her happy and he's proven his worth with his actions in Lebanon. So, he nods and holds out a hand to Fabien. "Of course you do. Congratulations."

Fabien shakes his hand, before Ruth comes up to congratulate him, allowing Harry to embrace his daughter once more. "Congratulations," he whispers.

"Thanks Dad. And thanks for not being too hard on him."

"Would I?" Harry asks innocently before turning serious. "I'm assuming you've told your Mum?"

Catherine nods. "This morning."

"And what did she say?"

"She happy for me. I think she thinks this will make me settle down and stay in the country though."

"It won't of course," Harry comments resignedly. He knows his daughter by now; she'll continue to fight against the injustices of the world. She's like him in that respect, except she chooses a different way to make a difference.

"Probably not," Catherine agrees.

"As long as you're happy sweetheart. That's all I care about." He leans in to kiss her cheek.

"I am Dad. Truly," she tells him. "You will give me away, won't you?"

"I'd be honoured. Now, I think this calls for some champagne, don't you?"

* * *

><p>Harry crawls into bed behind Ruth, after securing the house and shutting the animals in the kitchen.<p>

"Are you asleep," he whispers to Ruth.

"Yes," she retorts with a smile.

"Doesn't sound like it."

She shifts so she is facing him. "Well I was trying to be. Did you want me?"

"I always want you Ruth," he says gruffly, kissing her.

She returns the kiss, but can't help the yawn that escapes her. "Sorry!"

"It's alright Ruth; it's been quite a day."

"A good one though."

Harry nods. "Was nice to have a full house at Christmas."

"Catherine seems happy," Ruth observes.

"She is."

"You were very gracious when they announced their engagement. I envisioned you interrogating him about his intentions for a good half an hour before giving in," she teases.

"He's a good man. When we were in Lebanon…" Harry trails off as the memories of Catherine lying in that hospital bed wash over him. "Let's just say, I think he's more than proven his worth."

Ruth wraps her arms around him, knowing how much the images of Catherine's condition still trouble him. Its one thing to deal with death and destruction every day, but when it's your own child it's totally different. She doesn't know how she'd cope if it were James. "She's safe now. And happy. That's all that matters."

"Thank you Ruth."

"What on earth for?"

"Last year I spent Christmas alone with Scarlett and a bottle of scotch, this year I got to be with the woman I love and my children. A lot of that is down to you, so thank you."

She blushes and looks down. "You deserve thanks too Harry. Last Christmas I was scared out of my wits at the thought of being a single parent, but thanks to you I haven't been."

"I do love you Ruth."

"And I you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Here's some news for you: I've finally finished writing this fic on my PC and I can tell you that there will be another 4 chapters and an epilogue, which will bring it to 40 chapters in total!


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

_Thursday 14__th__ February 2008_

"WES!" shouts Ruth from the bottom of the stairs. "Hurry up!"

"Coming!" he calls back, in a slightly exasperated tone. He's starting to become a teenager three years early!

Today is Catherine's wedding day and Ruth is singlehandedly trying to get both boys ready and to make it to the venue on time. Harry has already left; needing to be with Catherine to escort her and walk her down the aisle.

They've have opted for a small wedding, less than two months after becoming engaged. The speed at which everything was planned and arranged had, at one point, led Harry to suspect that Catherine was pregnant, but she had assured him she wasn't and that they both knew from experience how precious life was and therefore wanted to make the most of it. They're getting married at a hotel, an hour out of the city. Harry went to view it with them and Jane, but Ruth had cried off; claiming that it wasn't really fair to drag the boys around looking at wedding venues. In truth though, she hadn't wanted to see Jane, having managed to avoid her since the airport nearly 9 months ago. She did feel slightly guilty though when Harry came home and told her that Jane's husband, Robin had been there and he'd felt like he was trying to undermine and out-do him. She vowed to herself that next time she wouldn't be so selfish and would be there for him. There hadn't needed to be any further meetings with Jane though; Catherine had acted as an intermediary between the two, so today is the first time since the airport incident that she will see Jane. She isn't relishing it, but she will grin and bear it for Harry's sake.

Wes runs down the stairs like a herd of elephants and skids to a halt in the hallway, his tie askew. "Ready!" he declares.

Ruth appraises him with a critical eye and adjusts his tie. "Better," she tells him. "Now, just keep an eye on James while I get my shoes and my bag."

Wes rolls his eyes. Adults! They nagged and nagged for you to get ready and then when you were, they weren't!

* * *

><p>Harry waits in the sitting room of Catherine's suite at the hotel. Jane and Catherine's best friend Charlotte are helping her get dressed in the bedroom. He hasn't actually seen his daughter yet. Jane had answered the door when he arrived, shown him through to the sitting room and told him to wait.<p>

While he waits his thoughts drift to Catherine's childhood and the times he spent with her. His relationship with her hadn't started out on the best foot; he'd missed her birth because of work commitments and hadn't seen her until she was a day old. Jane was hardly impressed but when he held Catherine for the first time, that didn't seem to matter to him. He remembered thinking how beautiful she was and how, even at a day old, she had a strong-willed expression. He wasn't around much that first year, she barely knew who he was and was over a year old before she even called him 'Daddy'. When Graham was born, she'd been worried that he and Jane wouldn't love her anymore, but he had reassured her that this wasn't the case and we would always love her. After the divorce his time with both the children had been limited. He'd always try and be free on his custody weekends but inevitably in his job, there were times when he couldn't make them. There were some good memories though, he recalls taking her to Berlin on New Year's Eve 1989, less than two months after the wall had started to come down. He'd wanted her to be able to say she'd been there even if she didn't understand its significance at the time. As a pop singer stood on the wall and sang 'Looking for Freedom' he thought about all the sacrifices he'd made, all the good men and women lost to the cause and he'd shuddered, wept and held Catherine close. That was the last time until she'd turned up in the middle of an MI-5 operation four years ago that he'd felt any sort of connection with her. Events throughout the nineties had distanced them and for a while he had thought they would never reconcile.

A door opens, pulling Harry from his reminiscing and he looks up to see Jane and Charlotte emerge from the bedroom. Harry nods his greeting to Charlotte, who smiles in return before he turns to Jane.

"We're going to go down now," she tells him. "Charlotte will wait outside the ceremonial room once she's had her photos taken. Catherine will be out in a few moments, so you can start making your way down shortly after ten past. The ceremony is at…"

"Half past," interrupts Harry, "but we need to see the photographer beforehand. I know all this Jane." He knows he's a bit short with her, but she's treating him like he's a child and he doesn't appreciate it.

"I just want everything to be perfect for her."

"And it will be. I'm not going to let her down."

Jane looks like she is going to retort but thinks better of it, although Harry knows what she's thinking. Something along the lines of, 'well that'll make a change'. Instead, she silently makes her way to the door and follows Charlotte out of the room.

Harry turns back to the bedroom door and waits for his daughter to emerge. When she does a few minutes later, she is a vision on beauty in a floor length ivory gown. Her hair, which she has let grow over the past year, is pinned up, with a few loose tendrils framing her face.

"You look like an angel," Harry exclaims, his voice cracking with emotion. Catherine blushes and looks down at the floor. Harry approaches her. "I mean it," he insists. "I'm a so proud of you and I love you so much."

"Stop Dad or I'll ruin my make up," Catherine admonishes, close to tears.

"Sorry. So, are you ready?" Catherine nods. "Right. We are starting off on the left foot aren't we?" he checks.

Catherine rolls her eyes. "Yes Dad. On the left. Just like we rehearsed."

"Sorry. I just want to get this right," he confesses, offering Catherine his arm. She interlinks her arm with his and pecks him on the cheek to reassure him, before they leave the room and make their way down the stairs.

* * *

><p>Ruth watches a little misty eyed as Harry walks Catherine down the aisle; he looks every inch the proud father. She knows there was a time not too long ago when he thought he'd never get the chance.<p>

After giving Catherine away, Harry joins Ruth, Wes and James. James crawls over to Harry's knee settles down, babbling quietly to himself as he explores the books that Ruth had brought to keep him entertained. When Harry has to get up at the end of the ceremony to sign the register, James is not happy. Harry passes him to Ruth and he begins to cry; he wants his Daddy. Ruth begins to flush with embarrassment as she feels the eyes of several wedding guests train on her; silently admonishing her for allowing her child to cry at such an important event.

Graham turns around from his seat in front and tries to placate James but it doesn't work. Ruth glances at Harry, indicating that she thinks she should take James out, but he gives a small shake of the head , almost imperceptible to anyone but her, he wants them, needs them, there. So remembering her promise to herself to stand with Harry, she stays and comforts their son the best she can. She knows nothing except Harry's return will make James happy; he has moments like this, when he specifically wants one of his parents and nothing and nobody else will do. He's even started doing it recently with Wes. Most of the time it isn't really a problem; except on the odd occasion it happens when Harry has to go to work. He quietens slightly as Wes finds his favourite soft toy and hands it to him, but he remains upset until Harry comes back and joins them.

"Dada!" James exclaims as he practically throws himself out of Ruth's arms towards Harry.

Once Harry has him he calms instantly. Out of the corner of her eye, Ruth sees a tall woman with platinum blonde hair glare at Harry as he interacts with James. Harry has seen it too. "Jane's sister," he tells her. Wanting to avoid a confrontation, she, Harry and the children follow Catherine and Fabien out of the ceremony, for the traditional photo call.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

_Still Thursday 14__th__ February 2008_

Ruth stands with Wes and James on the edge of the crowd surrounding the newly married couple as the photographer snaps away. Harry is in the shot at the moment, standing at Catherine's side whilst Jane stands next to Fabien. Ruth is trying to stay out of the limelight; she doesn't want to encounter anymore of Jane's relatives. Thankfully James is happier now and is sat in his pushchair watching the comings and goings around him with interest and Wes is keeping himself amused with his Nintendo DS.

Ruth watches as a Graham enters the photo, and then and a man who she assumes to be Robin enters as Harry steps out and makes his way over to her.

"We're needed for a photo," he announces as he reaches her.

Ruth's eyes widen. "We? As in me?" She wasn't expecting to be part of the official photo call and doesn't really want to be at the centre of attention.

"Yes," nods Harry. "And James and Wes too."

Ruth is about to protest but the photographer's booming voice calling out, cuts her off. "Can we have the Father of the bride and his family please?"

Harry sense Ruth's reticence even though she doesn't voice it. "It'll be okay," he assures her. "I'll look after you."

So she takes her place in the photo, standing next to Harry and holding James. Wes stands in front of Harry, and Harry places one hand on the boy's shoulder. His other arm is around Ruth, and his thumb is stroking along her side reassuring her of his presence. On the other side of Catherine and Fabien stand Graham and Abby.

"Okay, everyone. Big smiles please," calls the photographer. Ruth manages to ignore everyone's stares and whispers, long enough to manage a smile for the camera. A couple of clicks later and the photo is done.

* * *

><p>A few hours later after a delicious meal. Ruth and Harry are sitting in the hotel lounge, having a quiet drink when a couple in their sixties approach them. "Harry!" calls the man.<p>

Harry stands and greets the man with a hug. "John! I'm glad you could make it."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Little Catey all grown up and getting married." He speaks with a slight Scottish twang leading Ruth to assume he is one of Harry's relatives from his mother's side. There were only a couple of them attending; the one's Catherine was closest too.

"Indeed. Where do the years go, eh? John, Sarah this is my partner Ruth. Ruth this is my cousin John Munro and his wife Sarah."

Ruth shakes both their hands. "It's nice to meet you."

"And you."

Harry indicates the pram containing a sleeping James. "This is our son, James, and the boy over there talking Graham's girlfriend to death is Wesley; we're his legal guardians. He lost both his parents."

"Oh my! The poor boy," exclaims Sarah. "Still, at least he's got you two."

Ruth excuses herself to visit the bathroom and John turns to Harry. "Well, well aren't you a dark horse."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm talking about Ruth, and the baby."

"Ah yes. Things have been a little hectic as you can imagine."

"And you couldn't have found 5 minutes to call us and tell us?" asks Sarah.

Harry looks suitably contrite. "Sorry. What do you want to know?"

For the next fifteen minutes they ask questions and Harry does his best to answer. He embellishes a little to save having to tell the true story about James' parentage but for the most part he is honest. It's only when Sarah points it out, does Harry realise that Ruth has not returned.

"I wonder where she is."

"She's probably got chatting to someone," suggests Sarah. "But I'm going to visit the ladies so I'll keep an eye out for her."

Once Sarah has left the vicinity of the table, John asks Harry the question he knows his wife would scold him for asking. "So Harry, why is it that it's Catherine's wedding I'm attending and not yours and Ruth's? You obviously love her, what's the problem?"

"I haven't asked her," Harry admits.

"Why ever not man?" Harry doesn't reply. "Don't tell me you're scared! Harry, you are a lot of things, but a coward isn't one of them. Pull yourself together and make an honest woman out of her!"

"I…," Harry begins but is prevented from elaborating by Sarah returning to the table.

"I found Ruth," she tells him. "She's in a bit of a state."

Harry is immediately on alert. "Why, what's happened?"

"I'm not really sure, but I think she had a bit of a run in with Jane's sister," Sarah says, regretfully. "She was quite upset."

Harry stands up and indicates James. "Could you keep an eye on him? I won't be long." He marches off in the direction of the ladies, determined to get to the bottom of what has happened.

* * *

><p>Harry spots his target immediately; she is admiring one of the paintings in the lobby. Luckily she is alone and a quick sweep of the area confirms to him that it is safe to proceed. Approaching her he whispers, "A word please, now," and gripping her by the elbow, frogmarches his ex-wife out of the hotel.<p>

As they get down the steps outside Jane manages to wriggle free. "Harry! What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screeches.

"I needed to speak with you in private."

"And you couldn't have just asked?!"

"Not when I'm this angry, no."

"Why? What's happened?"

"Your bloody sister, that's what!"

"Carol? Why, what on earth has she done?"

"She's upset Ruth."

"How?"

"She implied that someone like Ruth, someone so plain and frigid, I believe where the words she used, would never be enough for me; that it wouldn't be long before I went looking elsewhere, just like I'd done with you. And that trapping me by having a child wouldn't work either. That despite how committed to her I seemed, it wouldn't last. Hells bells Jane, I think Carol hit on every single one of Ruth's insecurities in what she said to her!"

"You can't blame Carol for thinking like that; not after the way you treated me when we were married."

"That doesn't mean she had to voice it to Ruth. That's just spiteful and vindictive!"

"Well, you know what she's like for holding a grudge."

"Good God, it was over 20 years ago! And had absolutely nothing to do with Ruth!"

"Look Harry, if you didn't want Ruth to hear about your exploits during our marriage maybe you shouldn't have brought her with you?"

"Well that's hardly fair is it, and besides I wanted her here and so did Catherine."

"Carol probably thought that she was doing the poor woman a favour, letting her know what you were like," defends Jane.

"I haven't hid anything from Ruth. She knows I had affairs and that I'm not proud of it. The difference is I feel far more for Ruth than I ever did for you. At the time, I thought I loved you and maybe I did in a way, but I was never in love with you Jane. I know that now. Since I first laid eyes on Ruth, no one else has so much as turned my head. Now, I'm warning you," hisses Harry, "make sure Carol bites her tongue for the rest of the day Jane, or I will not be held responsible for my actions."

"You'd cause a scene at your own daughter's wedding?"

"I think you and I both know that I wouldn't have to resort to a public slanging match to take my revenge," Harry reminds her, his voice dark and threatening. "I will not stand by and watch Ruth be insulted and upset by people who haven't got a clue what they're talking about! Do I make myself clear?"

Jane merely nods before turning quickly and returning to the hotel. Harry waits for a few moments regaining his composure. He hears soft footsteps on the gravel path and moments later feels a hand on his arm. He looks up into Ruth's sparkling blue eyes; they're shining with tears.

"Where's James?" he asks.

"With Graham and Abby." There is silence for a few moments. "Thank you," Ruth whispers. At Harry's querying gaze she clarifies, "For defending me."

"You heard all that?"

"Not all of it, but the bits I did hear were quite reassuring. Has there really been no one else in five years?

"No woman has so much as managed to turn my head since you burst into the briefing room, late and dropping files all over the place."

Ruth cringes at the memory. "God, what must I have looked like? Not exactly a great first impression."

"Refreshing though; you were a breath of fresh air. I meant what I said to Jane. What I feel for you is far deeper and stronger than what I felt for her. I won't betray you, Ruth, no matter what others think."

"I know, Harry. I've been on edge all day about what people would think of me, of us and she was just vicious."

Harry wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him. "The only people's opinions who matter to me are Catherine's and Graham's and there's no problem there; they like you. So please, can you stop worrying about what others think; you're never going to see most of these people again." Ruth snakes her arms under Harry's dinner jacket and nods against him. "Good. Now then, let's go back inside. It's nearly time for Catherine and Fabien's first dance, and then after that I would very much like to dance with the woman I love, if she'll indulge me?"

Ruth takes his proffered arm, and they turn to walk back into the hotel. "I think I can manage that."


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

_Friday 25th April 2008_

Wes is knelt down at the coffee table doing his homework and Ruth is on the floor playing with James when the doorbell rings. Ruth gets up and walks through to the hall. Upon opening the door, she is surprised to see Jo standing on the other side.

"Jo! Hi."

"Hi," she replies, greeting Ruth with a hug before stepping inside. She makes her way into the living room, greeting Wes and scooping James up. James loving the attention, babbles away to Jo.

Ruth isn't far behind her. "Not that it isn't great to see you, Jo because it is, but what are you doing here?"

"Babysitting."

"Babysitting?" Ruth repeats.

"Yeh. Harry's taking you out tonight."

"He is?"

"Yeh. He was supposed to be coming home early to tell you, but got stuck in a meeting so I'm here instead. I'll watch these two while you get ready."

"I…" Ruth was speechless. Harry wasn't really one for surprises. Between his job and looking after the boys, they rarely had much time for themselves, but what they did have was planned weeks in advance; it had to be. The last time they'd been out was to the opera back in January. The tickets had been a Christmas present from Catherine and Fabien, who had also offered to babysit.

Ruth is uneasy; surprises and not knowing what was happening unnerve her. Finding her voice, she finally manages to ask, "Do you know where he's taking me?"

"You're going to the premiere of Catherine's new film, then out for dinner," pipes up Wes. "For your birthday." Ruth's birthday is on Tuesday and this year it's a more significant as far as Ruth is concerned; it's hers and Harry's first anniversary.

Ruth turns to face Wes. "You knew about this?"

Wes nods. "Uncle Harry told me this morning."

"Well, go on then. What are you waiting for? Go and get ready," Jo urges, ushering Ruth out of the living room.

Jo puts James back on his play mat as Ruth leaves to have a shower, before glancing over Wes' shoulder. "What are you working on?"

"History homework. It's a project on the Victorians."

"Sounds boring," Jo comments.

"Nah, it's alright. I was thinking of asking Uncle Harry for a first-hand account," he adds cheekily, eliciting a chuckle from Jo. "So, what are we doing tonight?" he asks, glancing at the bag Jo has brought with her.

"I figured we could get pizza for tea then, once James is in bed…" Jo tails off, anticipation hanging in the air as she reaches into the bag and produces a PlayStation 3 console. Wes' eyes go wide. "I smuggled it out of the flat and left Zaf a note," Jo explains. "He's working late anyway so I doubt he'll miss it."

"Cool! What games have you got?" he asks excitedly and Jo hands him the bag allowing him to rummage through it for himself.

* * *

><p>Catherine's new film, about the plight of Sudanese refugees is warmly received by both the audience and critics alike and has a surprisingly positive end note. After a quick drink at the after-show gathering, Harry whisks Ruth away for dinner. He's booked a table at the same restaurant that he took her too for their first ever dinner, almost two years previously. He's wearing the same shirt too. Ruth wonders if he is trying to recreate that night, but he assures her he isn't; he merely likes the food and the atmosphere of the restaurant and knows how much she appreciates the blue shirt.<p>

They are waiting for their desserts when it happens; and as much as they have spoken about it briefly, she is not expecting it, not tonight.

Harry reaches into his pocket and produces a small velvet box, which he slides across the table to her without saying a word. He waits patiently as she stares at the box, knowing that she will know exactly what it contains. When she lifts her gaze from it she finds him knelt on one knee next to her chair. Ruth glances around surreptitiously; the other diners have stopped eating and turned to watch them.

"Ruth, I love you. Will you marry me?" Harry asks, a twinge of nervousness in his voice. He opens the box to reveal a sparkling diamond solitaire engagement ring. It's not a flowery, lovey-dovey proposal; that's not Harry's way, but Ruth thinks it's the most beautiful one she's ever heard and she knows there can only be one answer.

"Yes," she replies, beaming. "Yes, I'll marry you." She leans down and, cupping his face, kisses him lovingly and a small ripple of applause travels around the restaurant. Harry removes the ring from the cushion in which it is nestled and places it on the fourth finger of her left hand. "A perfect fit," she comments. Harry nods enigmatically; not willing to reveal how he'd measured her finger when she was asleep one night. Harry kisses her once more before returning to his seat.

The waiter arrives then with a bottle of complimentary champagne, and Harry raises his glass, "Happy birthday, and happy anniversary too."

"Happy anniversary," Ruth agrees, clinking her glass with his. "I have something for you for our anniversary but I don't want to wait until Tuesday. I'd like to give it you tonight if that's okay?"

"That's more than okay," Harry agrees, looking at her expectantly.

"Oh, I don't have it with me know. You'll have to wait until we get home," she teases, causing Harry to pout slightly.

* * *

><p>"Well, that was more than worth waiting for," Harry pants as Ruth collapses against his chest. He strokes his fingers up and down her back as they both regain their composure.<p>

"Glad to hear it," she quips, "but that wasn't actually the gift I was referring to."

"Oh. Well it was a bloody good one anyway." When he had turned around to find Ruth leaning against the en-suite door frame dressed only in a sheer black teddy Harry had thought he had died and gone to heaven. Despite having a very healthy sex life (even with two children in the house) Ruth rarely took that kind of initiative, but when she did; Harry loved it and she knew it. So, naturally, he had assumed that this had been the gift she had meant. Apparently this was not the case and Harry's curiosity was now piqued. "So if that wasn't my present, what is?"

"You've got less patience than James," scolds Ruth playfully as she disentangles herself from Harry. She reaches into her bedside table and retrieves an A4 envelope. She rolls back towards him and hands it to him. Harry opens the envelope and pulls out quite a thick wad of paper. The front sheet reads, 'Application for an adoption order' and as he looks through the form he sees his details already filled in Ruth's handwriting, along with her signature declaring that she is happy for him to adopt her son. "All it needs is your signature," she tells him. "If you want to, that is."

"Pass me a pen," Harry instructs.

Ruth takes a pen from the bedside table, but she doesn't immediately give it to him. "This won't be a quick and easy process. We can't even submit the forms to the court until three months after informing the local authority of what we're planning, we'll have social services visits and the courts will probably want to contact Neil, despite him not being on the birth certificate and he could always object and-"

Harry silences Ruth with a finger to her lips. "Ruth! Ssh. I don't care how long this takes or how tough it is. I want to do this. Now give me that pen." Ruth relinquishes her hold on the pen and Harry signs all three copies of the form and the letter of intent to the local authority, muttering about British bureaucracy as he does so. He folds the letter into the empty, pre-addressed envelope and slots the forms back into the larger envelope and puts them on his bedside table.

"I'll put the letter in the post first thing in the morning," she tells him.

"Good. And then you can start thinking about the wedding."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

_Saturday 14__th__ March 2009_

Ruth can't stop smiling as she stands in front of the full length mirror in her mother's bedroom. She smooths out the full length flowing skirt of her dress, her fingers gliding over the folds of soft satin. A knock at the door disturbs her thoughts. She turns, the skirt swaying around her as she does.

"Ruth. Are you ready?" her mum's voice travels through the door.

"Yes. I'll be out in a second." She nervously fingers the silk and lace on the bodice of the dress. She hasn't let anyone but Catherine see her dress and is unsure how her mother will react. Her mother is a great believer in big, meringue style wedding dresses and Ruth is not. Instead, she's chosen a simple, slim fit dress in an off-white colour. Stepping out of the room onto the landing she glances at the faces of her mother and her bridesmaids, Catherine and Jo. "Well?" she asks nervously.

"You look amazing!" gushes Jo.

"How can it look even better than it did after your last fitting? asks Catherine.

Ruth blushes at the compliments and then turns to her mother. "Well?"

"It's not what I'd have chosen," Elizabeth starts and Ruth rolls her eyes, "but they're right…you look beautiful. Your father would be so proud."

"Thanks," Ruth glances at her shoes to hide the tears forming in her eyes as her mum begins to fuss over her, adjusting her tiara and smoothing the dress.

* * *

><p>At the church, Harry stands anxiously. Next to him are his best man, Malcolm and his ushers, Graham and Wes.<p>

"Not nervous are you Dad?" Graham asks cheekily.

"Don't be absurd," Harry replies, trying to hide the truth

"He is!" interjects Wes. "He's that nervous he nearly left the house without his tie and then, when I finally gave it to him, he needed help tying it."

"He's probably worried that Ruth'll come to her senses!" Graham quips, causing Wes to laugh.

"That's enough you two," chastises Malcolm. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to guide the guests to their seats?" Graham and Wes make their way to the entrance to the church and Malcolm turns to Harry. "You do know there's nothing to be nervous about," he reminds his friend.

"What if she does, as Graham says, come to her senses?"

"Harry, Ruth loves you. She's loved you for over three years! You've built a life together, you have a family. Stop worrying! Come on, you've faced terrorists on a daily basis, this…this is a walk in the park compared to that."

"Yes. You're right, of course." He takes a steadying breath and Malcolm thinks he's made a breakthrough, until Harry speaks again. "You have got the rings, haven't you?"

Malcolm merely sighs.

* * *

><p>Soon, it's time and as the first strains of Handel's 'The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba' Harry gets his first glimpse of his soon-to-be wife. She is a vision of beauty and is exuding happiness; her eyes sparkling. Accompanied by her stepfather, David, and followed by Catherine and Jo she makes her way down the aisle. She meets Harry's eyes and smiles lovingly at him before breaking eye contact and looking into the faces of the guests who have come to wish them well. As she passes James, sat on Abby's knee, she ruffles his hair and places a kiss on his head.<p>

Finally after what seems like an age to both Harry and Ruth, she reaches the front of the church.

"You look stunning!" Harry whispers as the vicar welcomes the congregation. After a few more pleasantries and the singing of a hymn, it's time for the marriage part of the service.

The vicar addresses Harry. "Henry James Pearce will you take Ruth Evershed to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," Harry says, looking into Ruth's eyes.

"Ruth Evershed will you take Henry James Pearce to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," she asserts with a smile.

After a short prayer, it's finally time for their vows. Harry takes Ruth's right hand in his and repeats after the vicar._ "_I, Harry , take you, Ruth, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God's holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow."

Harry releases Ruth's hand allowing her to take his hand. "I, Ruth, take you, Harry, to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God's holy law.  
>In the presence of God I make this vow."<p>

Malcolm presents the vicar with the rings, who blesses them. Harry then takes Ruth's ring and places it on the fourth finger of her left hand. "Ruth, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

Ruth repeats the action with Harry's ring. "Harry, I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

"In the presence of God, and before this congregation, Harry and Ruth have given their consent and made their marriage vows to each other. They have declared their marriage by the joining of hands and by the giving and receiving of rings. I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife." He joins Harry and Ruth's right hands together and pronounces. "Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder." He then turns to Harry, "You may now kiss the bride."

Harry pulls Ruth to him, and kisses her earning them a round of applause from the congregation.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Only the epilogue to go now!


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N:** Well this is it – the final chapter. I've just realised that I didn't address the outcome of James' adoption in the previous chapter and it doesn't really fit anywhere in here. So here's the deal. It's all fine – Harry is now his Dad and Neil is not around. I'll let you decide for yourselves what happened to him; you all seem to have much more dastardly imaginations than me anyway!

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue - 7 years later<strong>

_Saturday 24__th__ September 2016_

A gentle breeze blows as Ruth steps out of the car on the late September afternoon. She opens the back door and James, now nine, jumps out followed by his six year old sister, Megan. The two of them race up the garden path and Ruth follows. The front door swings open and Rohan, Jo and Zaf's son runs out.

"Yay! You're here! Come see my new bike." The three children scamper off through the house almost knocking Jo over as they do so.

"Hi," greets Jo, embracing Ruth. "All set?"

"The car is packed to the rafters and we'll be making a move as soon as I get home."

"How's Wes?"

"He's excited but nervous, as you'd expect."

"I'll bet. Starting university is a big thing. He'll be fine though. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I can't help but worry about him and I'll miss him terribly."

"Of course; you've cared for him for nine years; it's bound to be a wrench for you."

"He's so good with James and Megan too. Megan's been asking why she can't go with him!"

Jo chuckles. "It'll take a while but you'll all adjust…just in time for his return at Christmas. Then you'll all have to get used to him being back."

"That's probably true. We'll, I'd better get going. Harry was chomping at the bit to get going. If he'd had his way, we'd have left at six!"

"He's worried too then?"

"He's trying to hide it but yes."

"Well, give them both our best. And try and enjoy some of Durham while you're up there; it's a lovely place. You don't need to worry about James and Megan; they'll be fine here."

"I know they will," Ruth assures, calling her children back to say goodbye to them. "You be good for Jo and Zaf, okay?" The children nodded. "Your Dad and I will be back tomorrow." She hugs both her children, pressing kisses to their hairline, before reluctantly leaving them and making her way home.

* * *

><p>After a relatively stress free five-hour drive, Harry Ruth and Wes arrive at Wes' allocated halls of residence. He picks up his key and they find his corridor. His is one of six rooms, each en suite, and there is a shared kitchenlounge area. Ruth is relived that it's in quite good condition and not the student squalor she was imagining.

They were three-quarters of the way through unloading the car when there was a tap at the door. The three of them turned towards the noise simultaneously.

"Hi," a petite blonde girl greeted as she peeked round the door. "I've just arrived and thought I'd come and introduce myself." She opened the door and stepped inside, offering her hand. "I'm Sophie, Sophie Kirkham."

Wes shook her hand. "I'm Wes Carter."

Sensing a spark between the two youngsters already, Ruth was eager to give them some space. "Your Uncle Harry and I will go and get the rest of the stuff from the car."

"Okay Aunt Ruth," agreed Wes, barely taking his eyes from Sophie.

When Harry and Ruth had gone, Sophie turned to Wes. "Aunt and Uncle? Are you parents not here?"

Wes tells Sophie an edited version of events surrounding his parents' death. He knows the truth now; Harry and Ruth had told him not long after he turned fifteen, but he'd had his suspicions beforehand. Sophie is mortified at having asked but Wes assures her it's okay. He can talk about it now without it hurting as much and that he's sure she won't be the only person he'll have to tell over the next few weeks.

* * *

><p>Once Wes is settled in his room, Harry and Ruth decide it's time to say goodbye. More of his flatmates have arrived; two boys and another girl and the adults feel they should give them some time to get to know one another. So Wes stands facing Harry and Ruth, but neither really know what to say. Eventually, Ruth breaks the silence.<p>

"Your flatmates seem nice," she comments.

"Yeh, I'm sure we'll get on like a house on fire."

"Well as long as you don't actually set the house on fire," Harry quips before stepping up to him and giving him a manly hug. "You take care son, and make sure you call home every once in a while."

"I will." Wes assures and with a few encouraging pats on the back for the younger man, Harry steps away. Wes turns to Ruth who has tears in her eyes. "It'll be okay," he tells her.

Ruth nods. "It will. Your parents would be so proud of you, you know? So are we."

"I know."

"You stay safe, "Ruth instructs. "And work hard and don't get too drunk and…"

"I think he gets the picture, don't you Wes?" interjects Harry.

"Yeh, I've got it."

"Sorry, I suppose I am getting a bit carried away, aren't I?"

"Just a bit," Wes tells her, but then again, you wouldn't be you if you weren't." He pulls her into a hug. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Wes watched from the window as the two people he'd come to think of as parents drove away. It was a strange feeling to be on his own in a new place but he'd been through worse experiences; he'd cope with it.

* * *

><p>"Staying over was a wonderful idea," Ruth comments as she lies in bed much later, wrapped in Harry's embrace. "And this hotel is just wonderful!"<p>

"I thought we deserved a treat. And it's not very often I get you all to myself, so I intend to make the most of it."

"Well you've certainly been doing that."

"Start as you mean to go on. What time did Jo say we had to pick James and Megan up tomorrow?"

"She didn't."

"Interesting," he replies, capturing her mouth with his, his intention clear. She returns his kiss briefly, before pulling away.

"Will he really be okay?" Harry isn't confused at the conversation shift, if anything he's surprised it didn't come before their first round of love making.

"He'll be fine," Harry reassures.

"How can you be so sure?" she asks.

"Because I see the same spirit in him that I did in Adam and Fiona."

"What about us?" she asks. "And James and Megs? Will we be okay?"

"We'll be okay too," he promises, looking deep into her eyes. "We'll get through this the same way we've always got through the difficult times…together." And with that he kisses her passionately again and this time she doesn't pull away.

**The End**

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><p><strong>AN: **Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews; I hope the ending isn't too cheesy for you! I have had a great time writing this and I'm glad you have seemed to enjoy reading it. Is it too cheeky to ask for one final review?


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